Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored
by MST3KGal
Summary: A Real World spoof, Digital Bean Smoothie style!
1. Introduction: Meet The Fromiez

This is the true story of seven fans of Lizzie McGuire, all picked to live in a house and have their every move recorded on video for the American public, as well as some obscure countries in Europe.  

This is what happens when people stop being polite (because some of them never were in the first place) and start getting real.  You think you know,  but you have no idea.  

Welcome to HELL!  Or as it will be known for the next 3 months, Fro Manor.  In this house you will find an assortment of individuals: some are college-aged, some are younger.  Some are hot, some are not – wait, who I am kidding!  All of those people are SEXY BITCHES!  Let's get it on!

**Introduction**

A List of the Playas in Fro Manor:

Richard:  A 22-year-old college student who has never owned a speedo.  People call him Rich for short, or sometimes Hoofum, Foofy, Foof, Hey You and the ever popular, Dick.  Richard is a hottie who likes to pretend like he's not so he'll get a lot of attention.  He is also vocal about the fact that he's a virgin and that he works 12-hour shifts.  Although as of this writing, he no longer works 12-hour shifts but yet is still a virgin.  However, that could change since the girls are on him like white on rice.  Richard's favorite piece of clothing is a Sunnydale shirt, which he hardly ever takes off.  Upon being asked about his expectations of living in Fro Manor, Richard states: "I just want to get laid."

Scott: A 24-year-old soon-to-be nurse who also happens to be Richard's brother.  Scott has a good sense of humor, unlike his brother.  He also adores the band Metallica.  Scott is not really a Lizzie McGuire fan, but is still supportive of his brother's interests and is excited about living in Fro Manor.  Upon being asked about his expectations, Scott stated:  "I'd like to get laid as well.  But I'm not bunking with Richard."

Jennifer**: A 23-year-old college graduate who has degrees in Science and Being Cool.  Jennifer (called Jenn for short) is one sexy minx.  She likes the movie Rainman and has stated that her idea of a perfect date would be April 23rd because it's not too hot, not too cold and all you'd need is a light jacket.  Jenn also likes to drive in the driveway.  She'll be bringing her adorable doggies, Shasta and Sophie, along to Fro Manor.  Upon being asked about her expectations of living in the house, Jenn states: "Everyone better be neat and clean.  Because I'm not cleaning up your shit.  That goes double for you, Richard."**

Kim:  A 21-year-old college student who professes that she will one day make out with Kyle Downes.  Until then, she is stuck in Fro Manor and will have to make out with the resident hotties there instead.  Kim is sort of insane in the membrane and is very vocal about said insane-ness.  She likes the color pink, the phrase "hummina hummina" and often insists that people call her by the name Kim Shady.  Upon being asked about her expectations, Kim states: "I like cheese.  If I had a lifetime supply of cheese, I'd give it away to the needy.  But first I'd make a big-ass grilled cheese sandwich."

Ketan: A 24-year-old college graduate who is called Kee for short, because the name Ketan takes too long to type.  Kee likes sammiches and the word shaboingboing.  He's also from New York City and likes to answer the door naked.  When asked about his expectations of living in Fro Manor, Kee stated: "SHABOINGOING!  Yeah bay-bee yeah!"  Kee also has a great way with words.

Kelly: A 16-year-old high school student from Texas.  She has a creative soul and likes dabbling in fan art and fan fiction.  However, just because she's from Texas doesn't mean she likes rodeos.  Kelly also hates chemistry and is not particularly fond of Hilary Duff.  Upon being asked about her expectations, Kelly stated: "I just want to make out with Adam Lamberg."

Aubrey:** A 14-year-old high school student who is the youngest in Fro Manor.  However, Aubrey is extremely cool and won't take shit from nobody because she's a tough sista.  She has a possessed cat which she will not be bringing, thankfully.  Aubrey also loves the character David Gordon, and sometimes thinks she is him.  It's kind of scary.  Upon being asked about her expectations, Aubrey stated: "Fro Manor rocks my socks!  Huzzah!"**

**Houseguests that will pop up from time to time as needed:**

****

Gary: A 30-year-old dude with a red beard.  Gary likes to write fanfiction and is against censorship.  Upon being asked about his expectations, Gary stated: "I lived in the 70's and you all didn't.  So there!"

Dan: A twenty-something male who enjoys going to the gym and watching Lizzie McGuire.  Upon being asked about his expectations of visiting Fro Manor, Dan stated: "As long as I can do laps in the pool, I'm set."

John Paul: A-26-year-old male who is called JP for short.  He will probably be dropping by the house to update the Fromiez on any new news items, since that what he does best and is damn good at it.  Upon being asked about his expectations, JP stated: "Here is the latest news article concerning Hilary's new fashion line…*insert link here*"

Ashley: A 15-year-old high school student who kicks ass.  She is an artist and likes to be creative and all that schizz.  The inhabitants of Fro Manor will probably hire her to draw on their ceilings, especially Kim.  She wants a portrait of Kyle Downes above her bed.  Upon being asked about her expectations, Ashley stated: "You guys are all so cool!  I made some new wallpaper!"

Patrick: A 17-year-old high school student who is called Pat for short and is extremely polite.  Pat loves everybody and just happens to also be an ordained minister.  He might be called in to marry some of the inhabitants of Fro Manor (stay tuned to find out who!)  Upon being asked about his expectations, Pat stated: "I love you all so much and you're so special to me!  Each and every one of you has touched my life in some positive way.  Thank you so much for sharing your special gifts with me!"

FreakyMcGuire: A 23-year-old hott-ay crossdresser who likes to wear six-inch stiletto heels.  At least, that's what his fortune said, but he's not buying it.  Freaky will be dropping by the house for some free food, entertainment, etc. because he's freaking cool and can do whatever the heck he wants.  Freakness is also in charge of guarding the Fromiez against the evil wrath of Susan "Leprechaun" Duff.  When asked about his expectations, Freaky stated, "I'll protect you all from the evil Leprechaun!  She won't get my Lucky Charms – or yours!!"

Cammy: A 48-year-old man who edits lots of children's TV shows on the TV Tome website.  He dislikes being called Cammy and dislikes Richard and most of the inhabitants of the house even more.  Cammy will be staying away from Fro Manor, but will the Fromiez be able to stay away from him?  The war is on!   Stay tuned!  When asked about his expectations, Cammy stated, "Take your heart full of hate and leave me alone!  Don't go away mad – just go away!" and threw the video camera down the street.

The Magic Fro: A chunk of Adam Lamberg's hair in a jar that sits atop the mantel.  The Magic Fro knows all, and will often give you the answer to your question if you ask nicely enough.  When asked about his expectations, the fro stated: "I am the all-mighty Magic Fro.  Bow down to me, and you shall receive all that ye have wanted.  Bring me a lock of Don King's hair, and your every wish shall be granted."


	2. Chapter 1: Pick a Room, Any Room! Just ...

Thanks for all you dudes that gave me reviews!  Amy, you'll definitely be dropping by the house for a visit!  ;-)  And Jenn….you already live in the house.  Now on with the first chapter!

*Camera fades in to reveal a smarmy looking guy with a big nose and a goofy grin.  Pictures of all the Fromiez are seen in the background.*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  I'll be your host for the duration of this reality TV Show known as Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  You might be wondering why I am indeed hosting this show.  Well, the main reason was that I desperately need work and am sick of being known as Danny Tanner from Full House.  The other reason was that all these kids are just too cool for words.  Together, we will accompany them down their journey known as life – for the next 3 months.  Together we will watch them succeed, and together we will watch them fall.  We might even witness a few of them hooking up, because let's face it: You put seven horny people in a house and that's just gonna happen.  But here's where YOU as the viewer come in.  I'll serve as a means of communication between you and the Fromiez – at the end of each episode, you call in and tell me what your thoughts, opinions, comments, questions, concerns and ideas, and I'll relay it back to them.  That's all you have to do – this is a show for YOU!  The number you need to call is flashing on your screen right now.   ((Otherwise known as – hit the "review" button on your computer.))   Write it down and tuck it away in a safe place.  And now let's get on with the show!"

Fro Manor – Day 1

            "Here we are, girls!  Doesn't this look great?"  Jenn tugged on the leashes of her over-excited dogs, Shasta and Sophie, as she stared up at the sprawling mansion known as Fro Manor – more specifically, her home for the next three months.  "It's so great that Adam Lamberg lives next door and everything – maybe he could even come over sometime!  I could make him salsa!  Hot, hot, hot!"

            Jenn let her dogs into the house and grabbed her suitcase.  She was the first one here, because she was always punctual and always on time.  Jenn was also known for being extremely neat and clean.  She wouldn't tolerate sloppiness at all.

            "I'm so glad I got here first!  Now I get to have my pick of rooms!"  Jenn excitedly made her way around the house and poked her head into each room, checking out the contents of each one.  There was one room that was covered entirely in Hilary Duff pictures, and Jenn almost had a heart attack at the sight of it.

            "That can be Rich's room," she thought mischievously as she picked the room next door, which was a perfectly normal room other than the fact that there was a change machine positioned next to one of the beds.  "What the hell?" Jenn muttered as she plunked a quarter in, and to her surprise, the bed started vibrating furiously, but yet it didn't look too comfortable because it kept sputtering and wheezing.  No doubt this bed had been through a lot of hardship in it's day.  Jenn just shrugged and  placed her belongings on top of it, claiming it as her own.  This seemed to be the sanest room anyway, considering that one room was covered in Hilary Duff and the other one was upsidown.  Yes – upsidown.  The fan and lamp were on the floor, and you had to climb a ladder to get to the beds that were attached to the ceiling.  Jenn figured that Aubrey Carstairs would probably take that room, since it seemed to be her style.

            As Jenn was neatly unpacking her clothes and expertly folding her underwear, she heard the front door open and shut.  Other people – at last!  She ran down the spiral staircase to find Kim, Kee and Kelly standing in the foyer, all talking animatedly.

            "Hey guys!" Jenn shouted as she hugged each and every one of them.  "Isn't this house great?  It's so huge!"

            "Oh my GOD, I know!" Kelly cried.  "This floor is made of marble, you know.  Marble is very expensive.  And did you see the hot tub out back?  It has a special jet-stream action that is very good for soothing sore muscles.  There's also a pool that is approximately 8 feet deep.  Plus the bathrooms all have heating lamps, so that when you get out of the shower, it's nice and warm – AND you could even cook a potato in there if you wanted!  Oh, and did you know that there's a secret passage in the library?  OH MY GOD  - and –" Everyone started zoning out as Kelly listed all the details about the house.  They knew that Kelly had a tendency to talk a lot.  

            "Yeah, right, okay – so let's pick a room!  Jenn, we are _so_ bunking together!" Kim told her as she lugged her suitcase up the stairs.  One was full of clothes, and one was full of Kyle Downes memorabilia.  "Oh, that reminds me – I have to call Ashley.  She needs to do a portrait of Kyle for my ceiling."

            "I'm taking this room!" Kee said as he passed the room coated with Hilary pictures.  "This is awesome!  Although it would have been better if these pictures were of Lindy Booth, but whatever.  I'll fuggedabout it, man."

            "HUZZAH!" suddenly came a voice from downstairs, and everyone knew that it could only be one person: Aubrey Carstairs!

            They all raced down to greet her and found her wearing a curly-haired wig on top of her usual brown tresses.  No doubt that Aubrey thought she was David Gordon again.  Most of the Fromiez suspected that she had multiple personality disorder, but Aubrey merely insisted that she adopted her David Gordon persona to simply do a Lizzie McGuire role-playing game.  She just hardly ever stepped out of character.

            "Nice hair, Aubness?" Kim said somewhat confusedly.  "By the way, you get the upsidown room upstairs."

            "Yeah!  The room is upsidown!" Kelly chimed in.  "That's the room I have.  We're gonna be roommates, Aubrey!  Isn't that great?  Oh, and did you know about the secret passage that goes from the library to our room?  It's so cool!  There's also – "

            "Whoa, look who's here!"  Jenn suddenly interrupted, turning towards the front door to find the final two guests at Fro Manor – Rich and Scott – come stumbling in.  "You guys are the last to arrive."

            "Yeah, well, it's not my fault that this loser had to pack each of his Lalaine pictures in bubble wrap," Scott said sarcastically, jerking a thumb in Rich's direction.  "He was afraid one might get scratched."

            "I like Lalaine.  Lalaine's pretty!" Rich said to defend himself, but everyone just groaned loudly.

            "SHUT UP, RICH!" Kim yelled at him, covering her ears with her hands.  "I swear to God, if I have to listen to your Lalaine rants for the next 3 months, I'm going to go insane."

            "Too late!" Kee answered for her, smirking.  "Hey uhh…let me show you to your room, Rich and Scott…"  He led the two brothers up the stairs and the rest of the group stood downstairs, waiting anxiously for the reaction once Rich saw which room would be his.

            "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came a yell from the Hilary Duff bedroom, and shortly after Rich came running back down the stairs and out the front door, screaming like a madman.

            "He took it better then I thought," Kim said casually.  She looked down at the front doorstep and noticed a package wrapped in brown paper, marked with the words: "To the Fromiez" on the front.  "Wow, someone left us a house warming gift already!  I wonder what it is!"

What exactly is in the package?  And will Rich come back?  Stay tuned to find out!


	3. Chapter 2: Your Mission, Should You Choo...

            Thanks for the reviews, guys!  I 'ppreciate it and stuff!  Eh now don't ya know!

            It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

*Theme music to the show starts playing.  It is, of course, "Ignition: The Remix" by R. Kelly.  Pictures flash across the screen as well as various sound bites from upcoming episodes including:

"I HATE THIS *&^%$## HOUSE!  *&^ DAMN YOU, RICH!"

"Stop using my vibrating bed!  I'M SERIOUS!"

"This isn't Burger King.  You can't have it your way!"

"Take those Lalaine pictures down, you &^%hole!"

"Who was shagging in the secret passage last night?"

"I HATE THIS *&&^^%$#@ HOUSE!  I have to do laundry every damn day because people keep *)&&^%$$ in my bed!"

"Go to hell!"

"EWWWWWWW!  There's something growing in here!"

            *The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  Last week you saw our seven Fromiez gather for the first time at Fro Manor, which was originally designed by Lizzie McGuire star Adam Lamberg.  He also happens to live next door to our stars, which could prove to be interesting.  I want to thank you all for your calls as well.  We had a few callers ask about what celebrities also live in the neighborhood.  You'll have to stay tuned to find out, but let's just say that a certain movie star who made classics such as Meet the Parents and Mystery Men might be popping by sometime soon!  With that in mind, let's return to our Fromiez, who have just received a mysterious package."

            *camera fades out*  

"We need to get Rich back inside the house," Kelly said authoritatively, taking the oddly-shaped package away from Kim.  "It says to ALL the Fromiez, so he needs to get his scrawny arse back in here – like right now!"

            "Don't worry, he'll be back," Kim replied coolly.  "He's just sitting outside sulking by the pool.  I'll go see what his deal is."

            Kim marched outside and found Rich sitting next to the pool with his feet in the water.  He was scowling and looked rather upset. 

            "Dude, what's your problem?  You need to come back into the house.  We got a package on our doorstep.  It might be a mission." She told him.

            "So?" Rich sniffled and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  "You don't need me anyway.  You can do the mission without me."

            "Give me a break!  We can't do a mission without all of the Fromiez.  Stop crying, we all love you."  Kim reached into her pocket and handed him a tissue, which he took and blew his nose in before handing it back to her.

            "Nobody likes me!  I'm not hot!  You all just want me to stop being a Lalaine fan anyway!  And I just can't do that."  Rich started crying harder, burying his head and his hands and his shoulders shaking.  Kim just rolled her eyes.

            "Uhhh….get a grip, Rich.  Come back into the house, okay?  You can put Lalaine pictures over your Hilary pictures anyway."

            At this news, Rich immediately stopped crying and consented to go back into the house with Kim.  The other Fromiez were sort of ticked off about the fact that he had kept them waiting.

            "What if this package was a bomb, Rich?!" Jenn asked.  "We'd all be dead by now waiting for your slow butt to stop being a baby and come back in here!"

            "Fine!  I'll just leave!" Rich cried, a scowl crossing his face once again.

            "Huzzah!" Aubrey loudly stated, although it didn't really have much to do with anything.  Everyone just kind of turned and stared at her.  "Uhh…sorry.  Can we open the package now?"

            "That's a great idea," Kelly agreed as she ripped the brown paper off.  All seven Fromiez crowded in to watch and see what was revealed.  A few seconds later, Kelly held a small, square cassette tape in her hands.  Everyone just stood there, staring at it.

            "Do you think we should put that in the tape player?" Rich asked.

            "Gee, thanks Captain Obvious!" Kim yelled, grabbing the tape and trying to locate the stereo system.  She finally found one in the living room, which had only the most high-tech electronic equipment, from a big-screen TV to a leather chair that performed seven different types of massages.  She slipped the tape into cassette player and pushed the large red button marked "play."

            "Good afternoon, Fromiez!" came the voice of their host, Bob Saget.  "I'm Bob Saget – "

            "DUH!" The Fromiez shouted together all at the same time.

            "And you may remember me as Danny Tanner from the hit TV show Full House – "

            "Oh my god, I loved that show!" Jenn cried, clapping her hands excitedly.  "I loved Comet, because she was a golden.  Hey, speaking of goldens – where are mine?  Hey….KEE!  STOP THAT!"

            Kee suddenly looked up from what he was doing, a surprised look on his face.  He had taken off his belt and was attempting to fend off Shasta and Sophie with it, although they were just lying on the floor and drooling.  "Oh, uhh – sorry Jenn.  But dogs freak me out, you know.  I was just prepared in case they were gonna attack me."

            "Yeah well, they're not gonna bite," Jenn replied.  "And put your belt back on – no one wants to see you without any pants."

            "Yeah, bay-bee yeah!" was Kee's response as he looped the brown leather belt back through.

            "HELLO??  Are we ready to continue?" Kelly asked impatiently.  She turned up the volume and the Fromiez all listened in to Bob's voice.

            "…And that's pretty much the only thing you may remember me from.  But today I wanted to send you this tape so you'd be a little more familiar with your surroundings, as well as present your first mission to you.

            "I'm sure you're all aware that this house was designed by Adam Lamberg, who lives next door.  He'll be over here frequently, but a fair warning, ladies: DON'T shag him!  If you do, the consequences will be disastrous, but it's your call.  Adam has also chopped off a lock of his hair, which you'll find on the mantel next to you.  It's called The Magic Fro, and it has special telepathic and psychic reading abilities.  Don't take it for granted, though."

            "I'm sure you all are also aware of the secret passage which runs from the library upstairs to the upsidown room.  There is also a Panic Room located on the third floor, to use in case of emergencies, like Susan Duff breaking into the house.  The Panic Room is equipped with lots of smoothies and lattes, all the episodes of Lizzie McGuire and a phone that you can use to call out.  Remember, Fromiez: ONLY use this room in case of emergencies.  Your protector, freakymcguire, should do a sufficient job in keeping Susan away.  Anytime you need him, just beep him and he'll come running over.  He lives in an outhouse behind the pool in case any of you ladies want to pay him a nightly visit.  He gets kind of lonely.  But just in case he falls down on the job – know where the room is!"

            "One final room you need to know about is The Confessional.  Once a week you will be responsible for going into The Confessional to talk about your progress in the house.  Pat, the resident ordained minister, will be on call 24/7 in The Confessional.  He lives in there.  But his only job is to listen to you rant and rave in The Confessional.  So don't bother him for anything else.  And _don't_ pay him a nightly visit.  That's not his deal."

            "The only thing I have left to share with you is this: Your mission, should you choose to accept it, and you pretty much have no choice, is to go to Cammy's house tomorrow night.  From there you must toilet paper all of his trees and leave flaming dog poo on his front doorstep.  Ring the doorbell once, and run away.  You must go at night and you must not be caught.  Complete this mission and you will be greatly rewarded.  That's all for now.  Good luck, Fromiez!"

            With that, the tape was complete. 

            How will the Fromiez do on their first mission?  And will a surprise celebrity drop by the house?  Stay tuned to find out!


	4. Chapter 3: Freaky Deaky Streaky Creepy! ...

            Muchas gracias for the reviews, mis amigos!  Keep 'em coming because you all rock my socks!  Amy, you'll be making an appearance in this chapter, along with the "surprise" celebrity guest, and Sully – I like your idea and I may just incorporate it into an upcoming chapter, and merge it with something else!  You dudes are cool!  Now on with the Chapter 3!  HUZZAH!  

            It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

*Theme music to the show starts playing.  It is "Ignition: The Remix" by R. Kelly.  Pictures flash across the screen as well as an assortment of different sound bites from upcoming episodes including:

"Why is there a bra floating in the pool!?"

"HUZZAH, my ass!"

"I can't open this can of Beef stroganoff!"

"How do you say "Rich is a complete moron" in Chinese?"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"

"The secret passage is being used for senseless boinking!"

"I'm telling Bob Saget on you!"

            *The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  Last week you saw the Fromiez receive their first mission and become better acquainted with their residence, known as Fro Manor.  I want to thank all of you for your calls, questions and comments.  Without you, the viewer, the show can't go on!  So now let's get back to the Fromiez as they prepare for their first mission and also receive a few surprises along the way."

            *camera fades out*  

            Fro Manor – Day 2: The Mission Doth Approacheth

            "Guys, should we bring this pair of handcuffs?" Kim asked as she whipped the metallic bondage device out of someone's bag on the floor.  "Whose are these, anyway?  I think they're Rich's, but I'm not sure."

            "Those are not mine!" Rich replied with a horrified expression on his face.

            "Who really can tell, considering half of your junk is taking up the entire living room floor!" Kelly said hotly as she carried in a duffel bag full of toilet paper and dropped it down by Kim's feet.  "There's no where else to put this.  I'm _trying_ to get things organized for tonight, but all of Rich's junk is in the way.  Why can't you put this upstairs – like in your room?"

            "I will, I will," Rich avoided looking at her and instead lifted his headphones to his ears, his portable CD player blasting the sounds of the 80's whiny rock group, Morrissey.  "Whose genius idea was it to give me the Hilary Duff room anyway?"

            "HELLO, MCFLY?  I told you to cover up the stupid pictures!" Kim interjected as she searched for a lighter, but came up unsuccessful.  "Who has the stupid lighter?  Rich, you're sitting on it!"

            "Ow!" Rich yelped as Kim forcefully grabbed the lighter out from under him.  "And I _did_ cover up the pictures, but somehow they ended up back on the wall this morning.  I don't know how, but they did."

            "Maybe it was the ghost of Fro Manor," Jenn said sarcastically as she wandered into the room, carrying a bag of some foul-smelling stuff.  "I gave Shasta and Sophie some burritos for dinner, so when they did their business it came out extra smelly.  This should work for Cammy's front door step."

            "Holy hell, that smells like shit!" Kim said in her usual non-tactful way.

            "It _is shit," came Kee's voice from behind the box that he was carrying.  He tossed it down next to the duffel bag full of toilet paper.  "Here are some more supplies.  I saw Freaky outside and he gave me all the toilet paper that he had in the outhouse.  He also gave me some flashlights, string, some clown noses, a pair of stiletto heels, a box of Lucky Charms and a set of coasters."_

            "The hell?" Kim asked confusedly.  "Why do we need a box of Lucky Charms?"

            "It's a decoy, duh?" Kee said as if Kim was an idiot for not knowing this.  "The _real_ box of Lucky Charms is located in the Panic Room.  If Susan Duff were to somehow break into the house while we were gone, the decoy would ensure that she wouldn't get the real box.  If she got the real box that would enable her to take over the world and we would all die.  And we can't have that."

            "Riiiight…" Jenn scratched her head.  "Ummm, isn't Freakness supposed to be watching the house while we're gone?"

            "Oh yeah, he is, but from 7:30-8:00 he's watching Lizzie McGuire.  So he gave me this decoy to place in the house in case Susan somehow gets in and decides to steal our Lucky Charms."  Kee didn't seem to think this was a big deal in any way.

            "This is so not reassuring," Kelly said nervously.  "I'd feel better if we got a house sitter.  I mean, the world lies in our hands!"

            "Me too," Jenn chimed in.  "Someone get Freaky over here and tell him he better stay in the house the whole night."

            "We just gave to give him the special Freaky mating call, and he'll come running over," Kim told them.  "We all have to say it at the same time, okay?  On the count of three, guys.  Ready?  1 -2 -3…"

            "**Freaky Deaky Streaky Creepy, won't you come out and play?"**

          Two seconds later, Freaky jerked open the sliding glass door and ran into the room, all out of breath.

            "Hey guys!  You rang?"

            "Yeah, umm…you're fired," Kim told him casually.  "Oh wait, actually, you're not fired.  But you need to arrange to have a house sitter in here tonight while we complete the mission."

            "No problem!" Freaky replied with a wave of his hand.  "I'm already one step ahead of you.  I've gotten you two house sitters, actually.  And they should be here any moment!"

            As if on cue, the doorbell rang, chiming throughout the house.  Aubrey ran off to answer the door, in her David Gordon wig and everything.

            "AIMS!" she shouted once she saw who the guest was.  "Hey guys, Amy is here!  And – who's that with you?  Is that – no, it can't be!  It is!  BEN STILLER?"

            "Yes, it's me, Ben Stiller," the man with the piercing green eyes and spiky brown hair said with a devilish grin on his face.  "Me and Amy are your house sitters for this evening.  Don't worry, we won't make _too big of a mess!  And we'll be sure to guard your Lucky Charms!"_

            "Oh, Ben!" Amy laughed and took Ben Stiller's arm.  They walked into the living room to join the rest of the Fromiez, who were absolutely star-struck at the sight of their house sitter.

            "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my special friend, Ben.  Ben, these are The Fromiez." Amy made all the introductions, and Ben graciously shook everyone's hand.

            "Ben Stiller!?  Hummina hummina!" Kim crowed excitedly.  "Oh wait, he's married.  Just kidding."  She dashed off to find more toilet paper, since they all had to get going pretty soon.

            "I just wanted to wish you guys luck on your mission tonight," Ben told them.  "I think you all are going to do fine, and if not – don't worry.  Amy and I will make sure to throw each and every one of you a special funeral.  Money is no object."

            "Uhhhh…." All the Fromiez looked at each other nervously.  Maybe this mission was a little too dangerous for them – but they really had no choice.  If they didn't complete the mission, they couldn't move on to the next mission, and so forth.  Once The Fromiz completed all the missions, there would be a handsome sum of cash waiting for them.  That was the part they were definitely looking forward to.

            "Alright guys, let's get going!" Kim said once she was back in the room.  She added another duffel bag full of toilet paper to the stack, which put it at about 50 rolls.  "Have we got everything?"

            "Toilet paper…" Kelly consented her clipboard and made a note.  "Check.  Let's see…lighter?"

            "Here it is!" Aubrey said, waving it in the air.  She flicked it on and watched as the flame danced and flickered.  "Heh heh heh heh heh!  Fiiiiire!"

            "Uhhh….check," Kelly said, raising an eyebrow.  "Okay…dog poo?"

            "Check!" Jenn said gleefully, holding up the bag of Shasta and Sophie's special gifts.

            "Driver?" Kelly asked, looking up from her clipboard.  "Where's our driver?  SCOTT!  WHERE'S SCOTT?"

            "I'm right here!" came Scott's muffled voice from underneath a pile of Rich's junk.  "Anyone know where the keys to the car are?  Oh wait, here they are…in my pocket.  Heh."

            "Okay, now all we need is our navigator…Rich?" Kelly looked around for the tall, gangly fellow.  He was sitting behind the couch, listening to music and tuning out the whole conversation – as usual.

            "RICH!" Kim shouted, reaching over and pulling his hair.  "We're leaving now!  Do you have the directions to Cammy's house?"

            "Uhhhh…" Rich reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper.  "I think this is it.  No, wait.  This is a list of Lalaine's favorite vegetables."  He pulled out another piece of paper, just as mangled.  "This is a list of Lalaine's favorite fruits, in order by color.  And this – "

            "We're walking now," Jenn interrupted, leading the Fromiez out to the Fro Van, which was the designated car for their missions as well as any personal reasons they might need to use it.  Scott climbed into the driver's seat and Rich jumped in next to him.  Kee, Kim and Jenn took the seats behind them, while Aubrey and Kelly sat in the very back seats.

            "Scott's a good driver!  He likes to drive in the driveway!" Jenn joked as Scott backed out of the curved path that was the driveway to Fro Manor.  "Haha, that was from Rainman – get it?"

            "Let's listen to Lalaine's CD!" Rich cried as he popped the small disc into the player.  "You wake up one dayyyy, and everything chaaaanges…."

            "NOOOOOOOOO!" everyone shouted in unison as Scott put the pedal to the metal and peeled out of the driveway and down the street.  

            The Fromiez are off to complete their first mission!  How will they do?  Will one of them get caught?  Will someone die?  Stay tuned to find out!


	5. Chapter 4: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

Thanks for all your positive comments, my children!  Remember: Any concerns, questions or pecan pie recipes you have to share can be directed to Mr. Bob Saget!  Now on with Chapter 4!

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

*Music for the TV show begins playing.  Everyone's favorite song blasts out of the speakers.  Yes, R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," as well as some sound bites from upcoming episodes, including*:

"Take your heart full of hate and get out of the hot tub!"

"I like big butts and I cannot lie!"

"Hey, hey, HEY!  What the hell is going on in here?!"

"You ran your hands through Adam's fro?!"

"This is NOT the remix to ignition, so get the hell out of my kitchen!"

"Okay, who just let one?!  That was an SBD!  You gotta warn us about this stuff, man!"

*Theme song ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host, with that same goofy grin and big nose*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome to another exciting episode of…AMERICA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS!  Haha, just kidding.  This is, of course, another installment of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  Last week we saw The Fromiez begin to embark on their very first mission, thus leaving their manor in the capable hands of two very experienced houseguests, Ben Stiller and Amy.  We'll check in with them a little while later, but right now let's go to The Fromiez, who have just hopped in the car and are somehow relying on Rich's navigational skills to get them to their destination!"

*Camera fades out as Bob gives a cheesy thumps up sign*

            "RICH!  Where the hell are we?!" Kim demanded as she leaned over in her seat to study the map to Cammy's house that Rich held in his hand.  "We just passed like, the 50th adult book store!  There are no houses around here!"

            "Actually, I think it was _the same_ adult book store," Scott said grumpily from the driver's seat.  He put on his left turn signal and patiently waited at the light for a green arrow.  "I distinctly  remember making this turn about 10 minutes ago…Navigator, you're fired."

            "Hey!" Rich cried, a frown breaking out on his face.  "We are _not_ lost!  I'm in control here and I know where we're going!"

            "Did you say adult book store?"  Kee asked from the seat behind Rich and Scott.  "Can we make a quick stop?"

            "If we're near an adult bookstore, that must mean we're close," Jenn added as she deliberately ignored Kee's question.  "I think it'll only be a few more minutes, guys."

            "Huzz…" Aubrey chimed in from the back of the van, but couldn't finish because she had leaned her head against the window and was already half asleep.

            "I THINK THAT'S IT!" Rich yelled suddenly, pointing to some obscure house, alarming Scott and causing him to slam on the brakes.  This woke Aubrey up, and she found herself screaming the other half of her statement as she came flying out of the backseat and landed wedged in between Scott and Rich in the front of the van.  "Uhhh….hello!"

            "Aubrey, did you remember to buckle your seatbelt?" Kelly asked in her concerned mother's voice.  Aubrey just rubbed her throbbing big toe and shook her head sadly before climbing back to her seat.  Luckily, her foot had taken most of the force and she had ended up stepping on Rich's Lalaine CD in the process.

            "Oh, way to go Captain Let's Get Caught and Die a Horrible Death!" Kim cried as she smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.  "I wonder if Cammy will notice the big, huge Fro Van squealing to a stop in front of his house!"

            "Hey people, this ain't Cammy's house," Kee said as he peered out the window.  "We don't need to worry about it.  It says, "S. Duff "on the front of the mailbox here."

            "S. Duff?"  The Fromiez all looked at each other in confusion for a moment, before simultaneously making the connection and screaming at the top of their lungs.

            "GO!  GO!  GO!" Kim yelled, furiously hitting the back of Scott's seat.  "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PRESS THE GAS!"

            Scott threw the van into gear and pushed the pedal down all the way, causing the van to screech off into the darkness almost as fast as it had come.  They sped down the highway, trying to catch their breath and regain their composure.

            "Hey guys, I have a question," Scott asked in a serious tone, breaking the silence that had come over the van.  "How do you say, "Rich is a complete moron" in Chinese?"

            "Geez, I'm SORRY!" Rich cried as he buried his head in his hands.  "It's all my fault, okay!?  GAL DARN IT!  Everything sucks!  We're never gonna find Cammy's house and we'll fail the mission and – oh wait, here it is."  Rich consulted his map and discovered that they just happened to be on the correct road that would eventually lead to Cammy's house.  "You better park here, Scooty.  We can walk the rest of the way."

            "Okay, but only if you're _sure_ this road will lead us to the house," Scott said cautiously as he put the van in park and turned off the engine.  The Fromiez all gathered outside, where they stretched and yawned.  It was going to be a long and rough night.

            "Let's head on out, guys," Jenn said, grabbing a duffel bag and beginning a walk down the long and dark road.  Everyone else followed, shuffling along but making sure they all stayed in each other's line of vision.  Of course, it was hard to get lost considering that the camera crew was following their every move.

            "Are we there yet?!" Kelly whined as she dragged one of the toilet paper filled duffel bags behind her.  "And who put Aubrey in charge of having the lighter?  She's freaking me out."

            "I like fire," Aubrey said simply as she watched the flame flicker on and off with each click of the switch.  "Flame on.  Flame off.  Flame on.  Flame off.  Flame –"

            "SHHH!" Kim hissed as she grabbed the lighter from Aubrey, who immediately grabbed it back and made a hissing cat-like noise at her.  Kim just glared back at her and took the lighter from her hands once again.  

            "But I want the lighter!" Aubrey demanded.

            "This isn't Burger King, you can't have it your way!" Kim said in a snooty voice as she held the lighter out of Aubrey's reach.  But since she was taller, Aubrey just reached down and grabbed it once again, happily flicking away.  Kim rolled her eyes and continued walking.  Obviously, Aubrey wasn't going to give the lighter up anytime soon.

            "Okay, that house up ahead is Cammy's," Jenn said, pointing to a one-story building that resembled a run-down shack.  They knew it was his because of the huge statue of Hilary Duff he had in his front lawn.  Apparently, he had made it himself and was very proud of it.  "I say we just all grab a bunch of toilet paper, roll a few trees and do this as fast as we can.  When we're done with the trees, Aubrey will light the special surprise and drop it on the doorstep.  Then she rings the doorbell once and that's when we run like hell back to the van.  Everyone got it?"  Jenn waited for a response, but got none since most of The Fromiez were just standing there picking their nose and asses.  She sighed impatiently.  "I'll take that as a yes.  Let's go!"

            They all grabbed a few rolls of toilet paper and began flinging it into the air as quietly as possible.  They watched as the soft white paper caught onto the branches of the trees and began to sway in the breeze.  Rich paid special attention to the statue of Hilary, enjoying mummifying her in toilet paper.  Before they knew it, most of the trees in Cammy's yard were successfully rolled, and all that was left was the flaming dog poo.  All The Fromiez crowded around the front porch, hiding behind various bushes in trees as Aubrey slunk up to the front door and the mat that read "DON'T GO AWAY MAD – JUST GO AWAY."  They were standing by in case of a sudden Cammy attack, and were prepared to defend Aubrey's safety is necessary.

            "Heh heh heh heh…" Aubrey cackled as she leaned over and switched the lighter on.  The dog poo sitting on the front doorstep burst into flames and began to let off a stench that even the devil himself would bust out some Lysol for.  "Yes, it's – " she suddenly froze as the door creaked open to reveal a very pissed off looking Cammy.  Aubrey stood there, lighter in hand, and felt her mouth fall to the floor.  The rest of The Fromiez just stood there as well, unable to move out of sheer fright.

            "What THE HELL do you STUPID KIDS think you're doing?" Cammy yelled, clenching his fists and his nostrils turning bright pink.  He brought out a shotgun and cocked it twice.  "It's ON now, college kids!  IT'S ON!"

            "AHHHHHHH!" Everyone screamed and began running off in separate directions, arms waving wildly and legs pumping at full speed.  The camera crew had to run after them, which resulted in a very shaky few moments for the home viewer, as well as intermittent flashes of darkness.

            *Cut to Fro Manor, where Amy and Ben are house-sitting*

            "Oh, Ben…this is so wonderful.  Would you like some more wine?" Amy asked graciously as she held out the bottle of expensive red liquid. 

            "Sure, Amy.  Are you positive that your friends won't mind us raiding their fridge?" Ben asked, holding out his glass and watching the wine pour into it.

            "No, they're probably having the time of their life right now anyway," Amy answered with a wave of her hand.  "They won't even give it a second thought.  Would you like some more cheese and crackers?"

            *Cut to Cammy's front yard, where everything is in complete chaos*

            "OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!  OH MY GOD!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Kim was yelling as she ran through the yard.  She passed Jenn, who was also trying to find safe haven somewhere.  Suddenly, a shotgun fire went off and they heard Cammy scream, "Come on you little bitches!  I've been waiting a whole year for this!  WHERE'S THAT RICHARD KID?"

            "Yiiiiikes!" Rich was yelling as he dodged the bullet and rolled around the ground, crawling for dear life.  The yard was a scene of complete madness as The Fromiez all ran around like chickens with their head cut off.  No one knew what to do except keep running to try and outlast Cammy, who they figured would run out of energy soon anyway.  All they had to do was get back to the van before Cammy killed them all.

            "Oh…my….God…." Jenn was panting as she ran down the length of the yard, a cameraman following her at top speed.  She paused to catch her breath and collapsed on the ground with the camera pointing down on her face.  "I just wanted to say that…I'm so scared right now.  I don't know what to do.  I thought that this mission would be easy but – "

            "HELP MEEEEEE!  HE'S AFTER  MEEEE!"

            "OH NOOOOOO!"

            "RUUN!  RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

            "But it's like everything just blew up in our face," Jenn continued on.  "He's after us all now.  And I just hope that we can come out alive."

            *Cut to Fro Manor, back to Amy and Ben*

            "So….you feel like watching a movie?" Amy asked as she dipped her spoon into her bowl of Lucky Charms and took a huge bite of the marshmallow goodness.  "Mmmm….these are truly magically delicious!"

            "Sure, how about Meet The Parents?" Ben asked as he thumbed through the Fromiez's collection of videos.  "I've always loved that movie, haven't you?"

            "Haha, yeah sure…" Amy answered before taking another bite of her cereal.  Suddenly, she heard a scratching sound against the window, and she froze with the spoon halfway to her mouth.  "Oh my god…Ben.  Did you hear that?"

            "Hear what?" Ben asked as he cocked his head to listen.  It happened again.  The same scratching noise, only louder this time.  Amy and Ben looked at each other wide-eyed.  "SUSAN DUFF!" they yelled at the same time, jumping off of the couch.

            "The Lucky Charms!  Hide the Lucky Charms!" Amy cried, then suddenly it dawned on her.  She had _eaten_ the Lucky Charms.  "OH SHIT ON A CRACKER!  I ATE THE LUCKY CHARMS!"

            "Oh no!" Ben cried in response.  "We have to do something!  Quick, call Freaky over here – STAT!"

            **"Freaky Deaky Streaky Creepy, won't you come out and play?"**

            Two seconds later, Freaky came rushing in, wearing his pajamas and bunny slippers and holding a baseball bat.  "What??  What's going on?!"

            "I ate the Lucky Charms!" Amy said with a horrified look on her face.  "And Susan's at the window!  What are we gonna do?"

            "Don't worry, the Lucky Charms was just a decoy!" Freaky reassured her.  "Now all we have to do is get rid of Susan!  Quick, you guys get down behind the couch!  I'll take her out with this baseball bat!  Leprechauns freeze at the sight of baseball bats!"

            Amy and Ben cowered down behind the couch and held each other tight, while Freaky slowly crept up to the window and pushed it open.  Suddenly, he jumped forward and began swinging wildly and yelling at the top of his lungs.  Amy squinched her eyes shut, but then she realized that the yelling had stopped.  She opened her eyes to see Freaky standing in front of her, holding the baseball bat and looked rather ticked.

            "It was a false alarm!" he informed her haughtily.  "It was just a stray cat scratching at the window.  So if you don't mind, I'm going back to bed!  Goodnight!"  Freaky marched out the door and headed back to his outhouse where he could sleep peacefully.

            *Cut to Cammy's front yard*

            All seven Fromiez ran down Cammy's driveway and into the street, still screaming bloody murder.  Cammy let off another shotgun fire and it hit a branch, causing it to break off and fall down onto the ground.

            "Branch on your starboard side!" Kim screamed, as she was the one leading the pack.  They all narrowly avoided the debris and kept running as fast as they could towards the van.   They knew that Cammy was tiring, because they could hear him panting behind them.  "Keep going guys!  We're  almost there!"

            Soon, the van loomed in the distance and it gave everyone the strength to run just a little bit faster, despite the fact that Cammy kept firing shots at them.  However, once the Fromiez reached the van, Scott quickly unlocked the door and climbed in.  Everyone else followed suit and buckled up as fast as possible – especially Aubrey.

            "Let's get the hell out of here!" Kee shouted as he rolled up all the windows.  "Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

            Scott started the van and pushed the gas, doing a quick three-point turn and screeching out of the road and in the opposite direction – back towards Fro Manor.  They all turned and stared out the window as Cammy stood there in the road, still aiming the shotgun at them and screaming obscenities.  They couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief as he faded into the distance.  Even though their first mission had been a success, it had definitely been stressful.

            What will happen next?  Will Adam Lamberg show up?  Stay tuned!


	6. Chapter 5: Play On, Playa!

            Wow, thanks for all the reviews guys!  I really appreciate them!  You guys are the wind beneath my wings!  Awwww!  Now on with Chapter 5!

            It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

            *R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix" begins to play as video from episodes flash across the screen, as well as sound bites from upcoming episodes including*:

            "We don't answer the door naked here in Fro Manor."

            "Adam's boinking me and you're just jealous!"

            "It's Kyle "hummina hummina" Downes!"

            "Excuse me, but I was having a Hallmark moment here."

            "Rich was spanking his inner moppet in the bathroom!"

            *Camera fades in to reveal the host, the eloquent Mr. Bob*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget!  And welcome to another exciting episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  We're glad you could join us and we hope you're having just as much fun as our Fromiez and their houseguests are!  Last week you saw The Fromiez complete their very first mission and almost get killed in the process!  Let's hope that their next mission goes just a tad bit smoother!  Ha ha ha!  I'm so funny, aren't I?  Ah yes, well, let's get back to Fro Manor, where we can catch up with The Fromiez as they try to recuperate from last night's horrific events!"

            *Camera fades out as Bob gives a cheesy fake gun-point salute to the audience*

            "That is the _last_ time we hire Ben and Amy to be our house sitters," Kelly said as she stared at the contents of the refrigerator in despair.  "They totally cleaned us out!  All we have left is a bottle of ketchup and a box of M&M's."

            "I'll take those!" Kee said as he swooped down behind Kelly and grabbed the candy, shoving handfuls of peanut butter M&M's into his mouth.  "Mmm, they're still good too!"

            Kelly rolled her eyes and slammed the fridge door shut.  A major grocery shopping trip was in order.  "Okay, so who's going to the store?" she asked the six lazy bums sitting around her.  They all just kind of stared at her with a glazed look in their eye and went back to whatever they were doing.  Granted, half of them were nearly asleep anyway since no one could get a proper night's rest the evening before.  Cammy had scared the bejeesus out of everyone.

            *Cut to Jenn in the confessional, previously taped*

            "Tell me your problems, my child," Pat said as he sat down behind the confessional camera and faced Jenn.

            "Oh my GOD, it's been so crazy around here and we haven't even been in the house a week yet!  We just got back from our first mission, and let me tell you, it did _not_ go as planned!  We're still waiting to hear back from Bob about whether or not we passed.  I have a feeling we didn't do too well since we nearly got caught, but we did the best we could.  I'm NEVER going back to Cammy's house ever again.  It's just way too scary.  None of us can sleep and it's 4:00 in the morning.  Not to mention the fact that Rich had us listen to Lalaine's CD in the van on the way back so we all have that wretched music stuck in our heads.  I swear, I'm gonna kill Rich – "

            "I'm sensing a lot of tension here," Pat said thoughtfully.  "Could it be sexual tension as well?"

            "GROSS!  No way!  At least…I don't think so."

            *Cut back to the kitchen, the morning after the mission.*

            "Just forget it Kelly, I'll do the shopping!!" Aubrey said in a huffy voice as she grabbed the car keys off of the table.  "Wait a minute, I can't drive.  Someone needs to come with me."

            "I'll go with you," Kim volunteered, getting up from her comfortable spot on the floor where she was sprawled out.  "But let me call Ashley first.  She needs to do a portrait of Kyle for my ceiling.  Can you wait like two minutes?"

            "I'll be in The Fro Van!" Aubrey bounded out the back door, while Kim grabbed the portable phone off of the kitchen counter and dialed Ashley's number.

            "Hello?" came Ashley's cheery voice through the receiver.

            "Yoooo Ashley!  It's Kim, how YOU doin'?"

            "You want me to come over and do the portrait, don't you?" Ashley laughed.

            "You read my mind!  Can you come over now?  Aubrey and I are going to the store, but the others will be here."  Kim twisted the phone cord around her finger, hoping that Ashley would say yes. 

            "Sure, sounds good.  It'll probably take me a couple of hours though." 

            "No worries!  Just as long as I can wake up looking at Kyle's face – hummina hummina!  Take as long as you need, Ash-meister.  See you soon!"

            "Bye!" Kim hung up the phone and ran after Aubrey, leaving the other Fromiez in their state of listlessness.

            *Cut to commercial break – and now a word from our sponsors!  "Lucky Charms, they're magically delicious!  I'm a Leprechaun me!  Fiddle dee fiddle dee dee!"   

            *Cut back to the show*

            "I'LL GET THAT!" Kelly yelled as she ran towards the front door.  It didn't really matter much anyway, since no one else seemed interested in seeing who rang the doorbell.  Kelly opened the door to find Ashley standing there, wearing a painter's smock, a French beret, and holding all of her painting supplies.  "Hey Ashley!  Come on in!"

            "Hello Kelly!  I've come to paint Kim's room!" she held up her paintbrush and smiled.  "If you could be so kind as to show me where it is, I'd appreciate it!"

            "Sure, right this way," Kelly led Ashley up the spiral staircase and towards Kim's room.  "Do you think you could put Adam's face on my ceiling when you're done?"

            "I'm sure something could be arranged!  Only if you introduce me to him, though.  I heard he was living next door – is that true?" Ashley asked as she began to mix the various colors of paint together.

            "Yeah, supposedly.  But he hasn't been by for a visit though, even though he designed the house." Kelly studied the red polish on her fingernails and deliberately neglected to mention the fact that she had been watching Adam from her bedroom window for the past 2 days.

            *Cut to Kelly in the confessional, previously taped*

            "How can I help you today, my child?" Pat asked as he focused the camera on Kelly and sat down across from her.

            "I feel so guilty!" Kelly stated as she nervously chewed her nails.

            "And why is that?" Pat asked in a concerned voice.

            "Well, everyone knows that Adam lives next door but like, no one else knows that I've been watching him from my window.  Even Aubrey doesn't know that I have a perfect view of his bedroom from my window, and she's my roommate!  I've been watching him every chance I get and I just can't help but feel so in love with him!  Isn't that stupid?  I mean, I've never even talked to him!  But he's just so hot!  And to make matters worse, last time I was watching him, he actually saw me!  And he winked and waved and everything!  So now he knows I'm some kind of stalker freak, and I'm worried that's why he hasn't come over yet."

            "Don't worry, Kelly," Pat replied reassuringly.  "Things happen for a reason – and good things come to those who wait!"

            *Cut back to Kim's room, where Ashley and Kelly are talking*

            "Hmmm…so would you say Kyle's eyes are sort of an azure blue, or more of a sky blue?" Ashley asked as she held up two swatches of color against each other.  She stared at each, giving them her expert "artist" eye.  "I'd go with sky blue…what do you think, Kelly?"

            "Huh?" Kelly shook her head and snapped out of her dream world.  "Ummm…I guess sky blue.  I don't know.  Adam's eyes are more azure blue, though.  Definitely azure!  Yeah, because they're sort of dark – and really nice.  Sort of like – " Kelly stopped when she realized she was rambling.  "Umm, anyway.  Yeah, whatever works."

            "Hi, Kelly," Rich said as he poked his head into the room.  "You want to come listen to Lalaine's CD with me?  I discovered that there's a hidden track!  Isn't that cool?"

            "Ummm, no thanks – I'm fine," Kelly said as she avoided looking at Rich.  She didn't feel like listening to music when there was the potential of a possible Adam Lamberg sighting from her bedroom window!

            "Oh, okay," Rich's mouth turned down in disappointment.  "Well, I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."

            "Right – " Kelly was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell chiming throughout the house.  "Ah, the doorbell – I'll get that!"

            As soon as Kelly was out of the room, Ashley took the opportunity to say to Rich,

            "So you hang out with Kelly a lot?"

            "Kelly's hot," Rich replied simply, shrugging his shoulders.  Ashley just raised an eyebrow and nonchalantly began painting the outline of Kyle on the ceiling.  She adjusted herself on the ladder so that she was a bit more comfortable.  Ah, the price you pay for creating beautiful art!

            "Yeah, so do you like her or something?" Ashley pressed on casually.

            "No!" Rich cried with a horrified look on his face.  "I like Lalaine!  Lalaine's pretty!"

            "Riiiight…it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you don't like Kelly," Ashley said teasingly.  "Well, whatever, it seems like she's more interested in – 

            "ADAM!  OH MY GOD!  IT'S ADAM LAMBERG!" 

            "What?!" cried Rich and Ashley at the same time.  Ashley put down her paintbrush and quickly stepped down off the ladder.  Her and Rich ran downstairs to find Kelly standing there in front of the opened door, her hands covering her mouth in shock.

            "Uhhh, hey guys," the curly-headed Adam said with a lopsided grin.  "Can I come in?"

            Kelly just held open the door without a word.  Adam stepped in and ran a hand through his fro.  "I love what you've done with the place," he said.  "It looks really great."

            "Hey, hey, HEY!  What the hell is going on in here?!" Kee suddenly cried as he hurried in from the kitchen.  "I was trying to enjoy my ketchup in peace and there's all this screaming going down," at that moment he saw Adam standing there.  "Oh, uhh, hey…Adam?"

            "Hey," Adam replied with another grin.  "And you are?"

            "My name's Kee.  And this dude over here is Rich – "

            "Right, Rich," Adam said, reaching out and shaking his hand.  "Lalaine told me something about you – "

            "REALLY???  WHAT'D SHE SAY?!" Rich asked in an overly excited tone.

            "Whoa, down boy!" Jenn told him as she came into the foyer to see what all the commotion was about.  "Don't bug Adam, he's only been here for two minutes.  Hi, I'm Jenn, by the way."

            "Nice to meet you," Adam said, shaking her hand.  "All she said was that some annoying kid named Richard kept emailing her and calling her.  That's all.  It might be another Richard though, right?"

            "No, that'd definitely be him," Kee said with a smirk on his face.  "Anyway, this girl in the beret is Ashley, the dude passed out on the sofa over there is Scott, Rich's brother.  He was our driver last night and he's a little stressed out, so he's taking a small siesta.  And this is Kelly," Kee gently pushed her forward.  Adam's face lit up when he saw her.  She just stood there in front of him, mouth completely agape and not saying a word until Jenn elbowed her in the side.

            "Oh!  Um!  It's – it's a pleasure to meet you," Kelly finally stammered, shaking his hand and gazing into his blue eyes.

            "No, the pleasure is _all mine_," Adam said pointedly, giving her a little wink.  Kelly just gulped nervously and didn't realize that she was still holding onto his hand.  She might have stood there all day if Aubrey and Kim hadn't chosen that exact moment to come back home, carrying loads of groceries.

            "Hey guys!  We got the essentials!" Kim yelled, carrying about six bags and apparently not noticing the celebrity standing in front of her.  "We got cheap wine coolers, we got chocolate, we got Easy Mac, we got Cheerios, we got – ADAM LAMBERG?  The hell???"

            "Um, hi," Adam said, raising an eyebrow at her.  "I live next door.  I just wanted to come say hey to all you guys."

            "Yeah, right, okay – nice to meet you and all that crap," Kim said hurriedly.  "So, can you get me Kyle's phone number?"

            "What?" Adam looked slightly confused, but then he noticed Aubrey standing next to him, also holding a bunch of groceries.  "Here, let me help you with that," he said graciously as he grabbed a bag from her.  "A beautiful woman like yourself shouldn't have a burden like this."

            "Jigger what?" Aubrey stated confusedly.  She just started off towards the kitchen and glanced over her shoulder, watching Adam follow her.  Luckily, she didn't run into the wall on the way over.

            "So what's your name?" he asked as he gently set the bag down on the counter.

            "My name's Aubrey."

            "That's a nice name," Adam replied, giving her a bright smile.  "Is your hair really that curly like mine or is it a wig?"

            "Oh…umm…" Aubrey blushed and quickly took off her David Gordon hair.  She had forgotten that she had even had it on.  "Sorry…"

            "It's okay.  Although I have to say that I like your natural hair a whole lot better."  As Adam stared her down with his blue eyes, it was like Aubrey completely lost the power of speech.

            "Errr….um….uh…..gah…der…..huzzah?" she finally sputtered out at the end.  She figured she had made a complete idiot of herself, but Adam just laughed.

            "That's very…interesting.  We'll have to get together some time, okay?"

            "Sure!" This statement came out rather easily - surprisingly.

            "Great!  Well, I have to go – it was nice meeting you," Adam headed out towards the front door, although most of the Fromiez were no longer gathered around it anymore.  The only one who remained was Kelly, who was standing there looking rather nervous.  "So do you have a nice view from your window?" Adam asked her with a knowing smile.

            "Not especially," she lied, even though she knew for sure that Adam was aware of her peeping tom ways.

            "Well, how about you and I get together sometime?  This way you don't have to look through the window," Adam said teasingly.

            "Yeah…absolutely!" Kelly replied with a dreamy, goofy smile on her face.  Adam gave her one last grin before opening the door and slipping outside.  Once the door was shut, Kelly leaned against it and began a day dream – one in which she and Adam were sailing away to some remote island they would live there, alone, for the rest of their days.

            Little did she know that Aubrey was having the same daydream back in the kitchen.

            Will Adam successfully play Aubrey and Kelly?  Does Jenn want to shag Rich?  Will anyone be shagging anyone?  Stay tuned to find out!


	7. Chapter 6: Kiss the Girls!

Thanks for all the reviews and all that jazz!  Sully and David, I put you guys in this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!  And Amy, sometime in the coming chapters, you'll be bunking with The Fromiez for a few days as requested.  I also need to incorporate Rachel and Dan in the story, so don't worry guys – I'll get to you and I won't forget you!  Special thanks to MTV Movie Productions for taking note of this fanfic – you'll be hearing from me!  *cough* Now on with the next chapter!

              It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

              *R. Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as video from upcoming episodes flashes across the screen, as well as some sound bites including:"*

              "I'm living in a horrible nightmare!"

              "Little bunny foo-foo hopping through the forest…"

              "It's illegal to love you, but I do anyway!"

              "It's Saturday night and I just got LAID!"

              "Dude, she is so incredibly shit-faced drunk right now."

              *The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

              "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome to another fascinating episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  We're glad you could make it, and we're also glad that you've been tuning in for these past few weeks!  You, the viewer, is what makes this show so great, so on behalf of The Fromiez, I just wanted to say that you guys rock.  Don't ever change.  And make sure to watch reruns of Full House. Umm…anyway!  Last week we were introduced to next-door neighbor Adam Lamberg, who came over for a little visit.  He took a special liking to Kelly and Aubrey, which could prove to be interesting later on!  Let's check back with our Fromiez one week later as they deal with sexual tension and other dramatic things that happen when you put seven people together in a confined area."

              *Camera fades out as Bob grins and waves to the home viewer*

              "This was fun, wasn't it Kelly?  I'm so glad you were able to come out with me tonight," Adam said as he walked Kelly to the front door.  "Sorry about that homeless guy getting your purse and everything.  I didn't think walking through that back alley at night would be so dangerous.  Can I see you again tomorrow?"

              "Absolutely," Kelly said in a dreamy voice, staring into Adam's deep blue eyes.  He smiled at her and stepped a little closer, leaning in to give her a passionate kiss. 

              "Well…goodnight…" he whispered, planting one last kiss on her lips before turning and walking towards his house.

              Kelly just sighed happily and let herself in, trying to be as quiet as possible so she wouldn't wake up the other Fromiez.  Once she got to her room, however, she was in for a little surprise. 

"Where the hell do you think _you're_ going?" Kelly asked in an accusatory tone as she switched on the light watched Aubrey attempt to slink out of their room.  Aubrey froze, then slowly turned around.

              "Umm…just out for a little stroll, that's all," she said calmly, giving Kelly a bright smile.

              "Yeah, a little stroll – at 2:00 in the morning!  And why are you in your bathing suit?"  Kelly narrowed her eyes at her roommate and nonchalantly wiped the smudged lipstick off of her mouth.  "Do you have a date or something?"

              "A date?  Me!  Ha!  No!" Aubrey said nervously, her eyes darting around.  She wouldn't dream of telling Kelly where she was _really going – on a late-night swim with Adam in the Fro Pool – because Adam had specifically told her not to tell anyone that they were dating.  They had gone out every night for the past week, and everything had been great.  Perfect, even.  There was no way Aubrey was going to mess it up now by blowing her cover.  "I'm just going for a stroll…in my bathing suit.  Actually, I'm going for a dip in the pool.  I had a long day and my muscles are tired, so ummm…yeah.  See ya!"_

              "Well, if you wait up, I'll come with you," Kelly said as she took off her shoes.  "A late-night swim might be fun."

              "NO!" Aubrey said a little too anxiously.   "I mean…I'd rather go alone.  But thanks anyway.  Bye!"  With that, she turned and scurried out of the room before Kelly could say another word.

              *Cut to Kelly in the confessional, previously taped*

              "How can I help you?" Pat asked as he adjusted the confessional camera on the nervous girl sitting in front of him.

              "I've been dating Adam!" Kelly blurted out.  "I am so totally in love with him and I can't help it.  I want to shout it from the rooftops, but Adam doesn't want anyone else to know because of his celebrity status and everything.  He said the press would be all over it.  And I totally respect that, but I just need to tell somebody!  I'M IN LOVE WITH ADAM!"

              "Are you absolutely sure you know what you're getting into?  Sometimes dating a celebrity isn't all it's cracked up to be," Pat said wisely.

              "Yeah…of course I know what I'm getting into!  I think..."

              *Cut to Fro Pool, where Aubrey and Adam are splashing around*

              "Adam, you have to be quieter!  Everyone will wake up!" Aubrey said laughingly as she swam away from him, but he was faster.  He caught with her and pinned her against the side of the pool, grinning mischievously.

              "I'll be quiet if you give me a kiss," he said teasingly.  But before she could even answer, he had tilted his head in and eagerly pressed his wet and slippery lips against hers.  "See, I'm quiet now," he murmured, leaning in for another sloppy pool-kiss.

              *Cut to Kim and Jenn's room*

              "OKAY!  What the hell is going on down at the pool?!" Kim yelled as she threw the covers back and stalked over to the window.  "I need absolute quiet to sleep, people!  Sleep is essential for cognitive well-being!  DUH!"

              "Dude, chill out," Jenn said from her bed.  She had a sleeping mask over her eyes, as well as a mud mask over her face.  "Just go tell whoever is down there to shut up."

              "Damn straight I will!  I mean – OH MY GOD!  Jenn!  You gotta come look at this!" Kim pushed back the curtain and stuck her head out the window, craning her neck for a better look at the action.

              "What?  What?" Jenn ripped the sleeping mask off and joined Kim at the window.  "Oh wow!  Hey, that's Adam…is that Aubrey?  What are they _doing?!"_

              "Hummina hummina!" Kim cried a little too loudly.  "They better not be doing what I think they're doing.  Other people use that pool too!"

              *Cut to Kee, Scott and Rich's room*

              "DAMNIT!  Those girls won't shut up!" Kee yelled miserably as he pounded his pillow with his fist.

              "What are they yelling about?  Something in the pool?" Scott asked groggily as he placed his own pillow over his head in an attempt to block out the noise.  "Rich – are you awake?"

              "Zzzzzzzz…" was Rich's only reply.  Of course – he could sleep through a hurricane and not even notice.

              "That's it…" Kee picked up a shoe by his bed and chucked it at the wall that was connected to Jenn and Kim's room.

              *Cut to Kim and Jenn's room*

Suddenly, a loud banging noise resounded against the wall to their room.  It sounded like a shoe being thrown against the wall.  

              "WILL YOU BABES PLEASE SHUT UP AND LET US SLEEP, _FOR THE LOVE OF GOD_!" Kee yelled from next door.

              "Whoops…" Kim said as she quietly shut the window and headed back to bed.  Jenn put her sleeping mask back on and turned on her sound soother to button marked "seagulls" and the two of them started to drift back into blissful sleep.

              However, that was soon interrupted by the shrilling sound of the house alarm going off, which resonated throughout Fro Manor and woke everyone up with a start.  It could only mean one thing – someone had broken in.

              "HOLY SHIT!" Kim cried as she bolted out of bed and jerked open the door.  Jenn, clad in her pajamas and mud mask, joined her as they ran to the boys' room and pounded on their door.

              "Red alert!  Red alert!" Jenn yelled through the thick door.  "Guys, get up!  The alarm is going off!  We have to get downstairs – now!"

              The door was opened by a very tired looking Kee, whose hair was standing straight up and the circles underneath his eyes were about the size of dinner plates.  "Yeah, the alarm is going off – thanks for telling us.  It's not like it's freaking loud as hell or anything!"

              "Well, aren't you in a happy mood, Mary Sunshine," Jenn said sarcastically as she covered her ears with her hands.  "SOMEONE SHUT IT OFF!  Scott!  Rich!  Get out here!"

              "Ughh.." Rich shuffled out of the room, looking like crap run over twice.  Scott followed with the same tired expression on his face.  After all, it _was 2:30 in the morning._

              Kelly joined them in the hallway soon after, the alarm still going off at full blast.

              "WE NEED TO GET DOWNSTAIRS!" she yelled over the screeching sounds.  "If someone broke in, then they're probably caught in one of the booby traps by now!  Where's Aubrey?"

              "Uhhh – " Kim began, but was elbowed in the side by Jenn.  "You mean you don't know?  I mean…let's get downstairs!"

              Before anyone could say another word, Kim herded the sleepy boys down the stairs, the sounds of the alarm growing louder as they reached the first floor.  Aubrey was already there to greet them, holding a towel around her and dripping wet.

              Jenn rushed over to the alarm console and punched in the appropriate code that would turn it off.  Finally, the evil sounds had ceased, and everyone's ears could stop pounding from the pain.

              "What the heck is going on down here?!" Rich asked as he headed towards the living room.  "I thought I heard something coming from – what the?"

              The rest of the Fromiez rushed after him to see what he was talking about and discovered two very embarrassed people laying on the ground, caught in a huge net that had fallen from the ceiling once the alarm was triggered.

              "Sully and David?!" Kim said in disbelief.  "What are you guys doing here?  More importantly, why'd you break into the house?!"            

              "We might as well tell them the truth, David," Sully said sadly from her tangled up position on the ground.

              "Yeah, it's all out in the open now," he said.  "You guys should know – we tried to break in so we could steal The Magic Fro."

              A collective gasp from all seven Fromiez sucked nearly all of the air out of the room.  They were speechless.

              "We started working for Susan Duff, and she wanted to have it," David continued on.  "We only took the job as her personal assistants so we could hang out with Hilary, me especially.  I'm so in love with her!  And I know that she's in love with me too, so we have to keep it a secret from her mom.  But anyway, I took the job and so did Sully, but we didn't know she'd have us breaking into your house."

              "We're sorry!" Sully said apologetically.  "You can keep The Magic Fro.  You guys need it more than her anyway."

              "But what are you going to tell Susan?" Rich asked curiously.  Sully and David looked at each other and shrugged.

              "We'll just tell her that you guys came after us and threatened us, and that it's all your fault and that you deserve to be severely punished for the error of your ways," David said simply.

              "Oh okay…that sounds good," Rich replied.

              "My life is over anyway!" Sully started sobbing uncontrollably.  "It doesn't matter what we tell Susan!  Everything SUCKS!  I'll get fired and have to live on the street as a homeless bum for the rest of my life, and to make matters worse – MY BOYFRIEND WON'T TRY AND KISS ME!

              "Uhhhhh…" The Fromiez all stood there, not quite sure what to say.  They felt sorry for the girl, but on the other hand she had just broken into their house.  And on the _other_ hand, they had no clue what she was talking about.  Then they realized that made three hands, which didn't make much sense either.  "Sorry about that, Sully," Jenn finally said.  "Do you and David want to stay here tonight?"

              "What the hell is this, the Holiday Inn?" Kim asked angrily, but was immediately shushed by Jenn.  "I mean – sure.  You guys can stay here."

              Kelly showed David and Sully to their rooms while the other Fromiez trudged back up the stairs and back to bed.

              "Goodnight, Jenn….Goodnight Kim…Goodnight Aubrey," Rich was saying as they all passed by him on the way to their rooms.  "Goodnight – "

              "RICH!  Put a cork in it, alright?" Kim snapped at him.  "This isn't The Waltons."

              "You totally want me, don't you?" Rich asked in a serious tone.  "You just want my sex!"

              "Screw off!" Kim slammed the door to her room in response.

              "These girls are totally hot for us, man," Kee told Rich reassuringly, clapping him on the back.  "Did you see the way Jenn was looking at me when I came to the door?  She was like, "whoa, Kee looks really fine right now.  Mm-hmm!"  At that moment Jenn passed by, looking all cute in her green mud mask.  "Hey Jenn!  How YOU doin'?"

              "Ummm….not so good, thanks," she replied in a catty tone before disappearing into her room.

              "Yeah, they totally want you, alright," Scott said sarcastically to the two idiotic boys standing in front of him.  "Anyone could see that they just practically invited themselves into our room."

              "Don't worry, man – they will!" Kee said confidently.  "They just need a bit more training, that's all."

              Will Aubrey and Kelly catch on to Adam's games before it's too late?  Is Kee full of crap?  Stay tuned to find out! 


	8. Chapter 7: Misadventures in Jenn's Bed

How ya'll doin' ya'll!  Sorry not getting to this sooner, but school's been sucking and all that good stuff.  Thanks for all da reviews and shizz – Bob was really happy to know that Full House is coming to Nick at Nite.  Now on with Chapter 7!

            It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

            *R. Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as video from upcoming episodes flashes across the screen, as well as some sound bites including:"*

            "Hi!  My name is Rich.  I'm NOT a virgin and I DON'T work 12-hour shifts!"

            "Oh, sweet jaysus!"

            "Does green mold growing on bread mean it's bad?"

            "GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!"

            "Forgive me Pat, for I have sinned."

            *The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome to another positively enthralling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  We're glad that you were able to join us because things are starting to get H-O-T!  Hot!  Last week we saw Adam successfully play both Aubrey and Kelly without either of them knowing!  We also saw bunches of sexual tension between housemates.  I have a feeling our ordained minister is going to be busy this week!  Ha ha ha!  Let's get back to our favorite Fromiez as relationships in the house start getting a little complicated!  And don't forget to watch Full House on Nick at Nite!"

            *Camera fades out as Bob grins and does a little dance number*

            "Kim, have you been using my bed without my knowledge?" Jenn asked curiously as she stared at the rumpled sheets and the pillows that were tossed on the floor.  "I mean, call me Rainman, but I totally don't remember leaving my bed this way.  I made it this morning after I got up."

            Kim managed to tear her eyes away from her Kyle Downes portrait on the ceiling in order to say to Jenn, 

            "Uhhh, dude?  Why would I use _your_ bed when I have a perfectly good view of Kyle's gorgeous blue eyes from _my_ bed?"

            Jenn shrugged as she ripped the sheets off to do another load of laundry.  It seemed like her bed was becoming extra dirty in an extra short amount of time lately.  "I don't know, but it's really weird how my bed keeps getting messed up when I'm not in the room."

            "Maybe it's the same ghost that keeps taking Rich's Lalaine pictures off the wall and replacing them with Hilary pictures," Kim suggested helpfully.

* Cut to yesterday in Rich's room *

            "There!  I finally got all these stupid Hilary pictures off of the wall!" Rich said happily as he tacked the final Lalaine photo by his bed.  The wall looked much better now, since Lalaine's perfect face was covering it.  He cocked his head and stared at the photos, getting lost in her eyes and noticing that the moles on her face were almost artistic…

            "Hey Rich, wanna come have a sammich with me in the kitchen?" Kee asked, poking his head into the room and disrupting Rich's little daydream.

            "Okay!" Rich bounded down the stairs after his roommate, switching his thoughts to food.  Food was always good.

* 10 minutes later, Rich and Kee are walking up the stairs back to their room *

"Yeah, so when I went to see Lalaine, she had on this sort of blue shirt that was kind of tight, although you couldn't really see anything because – " Kee rolled his eyes and groaned, tuning out Rich's incessant Lalaine ramblings.  The boy just never shut up.  " – And it was kind of cool that she sung those two songs because it really demonstrated her talent as a songwriter as well as a singer and I think it's awesome how she writes her own songs, but like – AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Rich's mouth dropped open at the sight in front of him.  His wall was once again covered with Hilary Duff pictures.  The Lalaine ones he had tacked up were gone, and all that remained was millions upon millions of Hilary faces smiling back at him.

"Gal darn it!" Rich cried, placing his hands on his head and tearing at his hair.  "MAKE IT STOP!  NOOOOOOO!"

*   Cut to Kim and Jenn's room, present day *

            "Hmmm…no, I don't think that's it," Jenn said thoughtfully.  "I've noticed that the change machine also seems to be getting full.  I wonder what's going on?"

            "Dude, who knows," Kim said, shrugging her shoulders.  "You'll figure it out eventually."  

*  Cut to the outside of Fro Manor, yesterday evening *

"I had such a good time tonight, Adam," Kelly said as they approached the front door.  "It was so cool how we snuck in the movie and all.  You're right – it _is_ a great way to save money!  It's too bad that the manager caught us, but I'm glad we were able to outrun him."

            "Hey, at least we got our cardiovascular workout for the evening," Adam said, flashing her a crooked grin.

            "Yeah, running is a great way to burn calories," Kelly said, nodding.

            "I know another great way to burn calories," Adam replied in a seductive tone, leaning in to start a rousing game of tonsil hockey.

            As soon as Adam detached his lips from Kelly's, the first words out of his mouth were,

            "Kelly – I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level."

            She could feel her heart start beating faster and faster while Adam's blue eyes gazed into her own.  His stare was so sexy and overpowering, how could she ever say no to him?  Plus, she was in love with him.  And he was in love with her…right?  They had spent every evening together for the past two weeks and everything had been great.  He was such a gentlemen.

            "Okay," she replied simply, running her hands through his fro.  "Umm…my roommates are gone, anyway.  They all went to the mall to see if Kim could spot Kyle Downes anywhere."

            "Kyle Downes?  Didn't he disappear off the face of the Earth?" Adam asked confusedly.  "Ah, well.  Never mind.  Where can we go?"

            "Well…" Kelly smiled mischievously.  "Jenn has a vibrating bed in her room…"

*Cut to the outside of Fro Manor, yesterday evening, after Kelly and Adam do the nasty *

            "Thanks for agreeing to meet me so late," Adam said to Aubrey as he walked her to the front door.  "I had some business to take care of beforehand.  But still, I had to see you.  I couldn't go through a whole day without spending time with you."

            "It was no problem," Aubrey replied casually.  "I'm usually up this late anyway.  3:00 am is no big deal for me – I don't sleep.  In fact - "

            "That's so sexy," Adam interrupted, cornering her up against the wall and doing an excellent of impression of the face-eating guy from Silence of the Lambs.  Once he had extracted his tongue from her throat, he didn't waste any time in muttering the immortal phrase, "Aubrey – I think it's time we take our relationship to the next level."

            "Oh Adam, I ant you so bad…" she whispered back, running her hands through his delicious fro.

            "What?" he asked with a puzzled expression on his face.  "You ant me?  What's that?  I don't – mpph!" he was cut off by Aubrey, who began attacking his lips and trying to remove the sesame seed stuck between his teeth with her tongue.  Man, this chick was really horny.  That pleased Adam very much.  It made his job a lot easier.  "So uh –" he was cut off again as Aubrey pushed him up against the door, ready for another make-out session.  "Whoa – " Adam was having trouble breathing because she kept sucking all the air from his mouth and throat.  "Hey, uh…Aub – whoaaaaa!" The doorknob had somehow been turned as a result of all their thrashing around, thus opening the front door and sending the happy couple down to the floor with a loud crash.

            "Shhh!" Aubrey hissed, grabbing Adam and flinging him over her shoulder, as he was much shorter than her.  It was apparent that Aubrey definitely wore the pants in the relationship.  "Let's go, bebeh!"

            "Umm…okay!" Adam replied as Aubrey carried him up the stairs towards Jenn's vibrating bed.

*   Cut to Kelly in the confessional, previously taped*

"How can I help you?" Pat asked the young woman in front of him as he rubbed his tired eyes.  For some reason, he had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

                        "I boinked Adam," Kelly blurted out, cutting right to the chase.  "In fact, I've _bee_n boinking Adam.  I just love being with him, he's like the perfect guy.  I'm so glad I met him and came to Fro Manor.  I just know that the two of us are going to live happily ever after, even when our three months in the house is done."

                        "What about your other roommates?  How do they feel about this?" Pat asked.

                        "They don't know," Kelly said shamefully.  "Adam doesn't want anyone else to know because of the whole celebrity thing.  He just wants to keep it between us for now.  But I know eventually we'll tell people, because we're just that much in love!"

"Sometimes things aren't always as they seem," Pat said wisely.

*Cut to Aubrey in the confessional, previously taped *

"How's it going Aubrey?  How can I help you?" Pat kindly asked his next customer.

"I've been banging Adam," Aubrey said.  Pat raised his eyebrows and coughed loudly.  Hadn't he just heard this like 10 minutes ago or something?  

"Oh…I see," Pat said simply, trying to stay calm.  "And um…how do you feel about that?"

"I feel great!" Aubrey cried happily.  "Adam is awesome!  Huzzah!  We're probably going to get married, but even if we don't, we'll just engage in senseless shagging for a while.  So either way, I can't lose."

"But maybe you will lose, Aubrey…maybe you _will_ lose," Pat told her, but she just shook her head.

"Nah!  As long as I get to shag Adam, I'm a winner!"

*Cut to Jenn in the confessional *

"OKAY!  THAT'S IT!" she screamed as she angrily plopped herself down across from a startled Pat.  "I HATE THIS DAMN HOUSE!  I have to do my laundry every freaking day because people keep screwing in my bed!"

"I'm sorry, what?" Pat asked in shock.

"I found about it yesterday after Kim and I came back from watching a movie…"

*  Cut to Jenn and Kim *

"Oh my god, I totally love One Hour Photo," Kim was saying as her and Jenn climbed up the spiral staircase towards their room.  "Michael Vartan is HOT!  And you get to see him naked!"

"I KNOW!" Jenn chimed loudly.  "Except he's a player in real life, and players are just bad news, you know?"

"Definitely," Kim agreed as she opened the door to their room.  "Especially when  - OH MY GOD!"

Kim and Jenn froze in their tracks as both of their mouths dropped to the floor.

"How's it going, guys?" Aubrey asked casually from her spot on Jenn's bed.  She and Adam gave them a friendly wave while holding the covers over them.  "Uhh…could you shut the door?  Thanks."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BED!" Jenn yelled, diving for the bed sheets and attempting to pull them off of the passionate couple.  "This is disgusting!  EW!'

"Well, now we know who's been putting all of the quarters in the machine," Kim smirked, trying not to laugh.  

"Huzzah?" Aubrey offered, shrugging her shoulders.  

"Huzzah, my ass!" Jenn screamed back at her.  "GET OUT OF MY BED!"  She tried to rip the covers from Aubrey's grasp, but Aubrey screamed and held on tight. "Give these to me!  I have to do laundry!"

"NO!" Aubrey shrieked, holding them to her while Adam just sat there, caught in the middle of a vicious chick fight.

"I HATE YOU AUBREY!" Jenn cried as she lunged towards her, pulling her hair and smacking her across the face.

"I HATE YOU TOO!" Aubrey retaliated by pushing Jenn off of her.  Yet it didn't stop Jenn for long, and soon they began a quasi WWF wrestling match while kicking, hitting and clawing each other for all they were worth.  

The fight might have lasted all night if the boys hadn't chosen that moment to walk into the room.  They stood there in the doorway for a moment in shock, watching Aubrey and Jenn go at it while Kim and Adam calmly sat there and observed as well.

"Whoa, whoa, WHOA!" Scott finally yelled, rushing forward and grabbing Jenn by both arms.  He tried to lift her off of Aubrey but she was kicking and screaming too much.  "What the heck is going on in here?!"

"Let me go!  I have to kick her ass!" Jenn yelled as she wildly thrashed around.  Aubrey sat there and stuck her tongue out at Jenn while Adam held her back.

"Calm down, calm down!" Scott urged a red-faced Jenn, who just glared at Aubrey.  "Umm…hey Adam?" he continued on, finally noticing the curly-haired specimen occupying Jenn's bed.

"Hey," Adam said in a monotone voice, giving a little wave to everyone.  "How are you guys doing?"

"What were you two doing in here?" Rich asked in a hushed voice, his eyes open wide with shock.  "Wait a minute – you were having mindless, horny sex weren't you?!"

"Pshh, yeah!" Aubrey replied as if it was the dumbest question ever.

"Hey guys!" Kelly ran up to the crowd gathered in Jenn and Kim's doorway.  "Guess what!  I just found this tape in our chimney!  I think it might be a – " she stopped short and took in the scene in front of her, feeling as if her heart had dropped to her shoes. "….mission."

"Kelly!  Hi!" Adam said nervously.  "Is this a bad time?"  Kelly just stood there, feeling the vomit rise up in her throat.  She couldn't  believe what she had just witnessed – it was like a scene from a horrible nightmare.

"I don't…I don't….I'm gonna…I feel fain…t" with that, her eyes fluttered shut and all the muscles in her body seemed  to turn into spaghetti.  

"Hey, should I – " Rich asked, but he didn't finish in time and Kelly hit the floor with a loud thud.  "Oh, um, I guess I should have caught her, right?"

"RICH!" Kim yelled, rolling her eyes at the clueless Lalaine-lover in front of her.  "Just go get some water!"

What will happened between Adam and his beeotches?  What will be the next mission?  Stay tuned to find out!


	9. Chapter 8: Ohhh, Canadaaa!

Hola, mis amigos!  Thanks for all of the great reviews!  Bob was extremely excited to have all these enthusiastic calls!  Make sure to keep 'em coming!  I'm putting Rachel and Dan in this chapter, and don't worry Lyndsey and Bibsy – you guys are coming up soon, so stay with me!  Thanks dudes!  My love to you all!  Muah!  Now on with Chapter 8!

It's  7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* The theme to Full House starts playing as the opening to that show flashes across the screen*

"….the milkman, the paper boy, the evening TV, you miss your old, familiar friends who are waiting just around the bend, everywhere you look (everywhere you look….)"

* Bob Saget suddenly walks out looking embarrassed *  
  


"Oh, heh heh!  Sorry about that!  Wrong button," 

* Bob grins sheepishly and clicks a bright red button on the remote control he's holding.  Suddenly, the Full House images go away and are replaced with the proper opening, R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," as well as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes, including: *  

"Your momma's a whore!"

"I like cheese!  Cheeeeeeese!"

"This is insane in the membrane, yo."

"JESUS HOOFUM CHRIST!"

"I'm missing Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!"

"SHA-WING!  HUBBA HUBBA!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome to yet another positively thrilling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  Thanks for all your calls!  The phone lines were ringing off the hook last week and it was all because of YOU, the viewer!  On the previous episode, we saw things come to a head (no pun intended) as Kelly discovered her boyfriend, Adam Lamberg, in a somewhat compromising situation with fellow Fromie, Aubrey!  The Fromiez also received a tape possibly containing instructions for their second mission.  Let's pick up where we left off, shall we?"

*Camera fades out as Bob gives a cheesy wink to the audience *

"I'll pour the cold water over her face!" Rich yelled as he ran back up the stairs carrying a container of ice water.  "Wake up, Kelly!" He tossed the water onto her face and watched as her eyes suddenly sprung open and she let out a huge gasp.

"Wha?  What's going on?" Kelly asked in a frantic voice as she wiped the dripping water from her face.  She then caught a glimpse of Adam and Aubrey, still sitting in Jenn's bed, and screamed. 

"Kelly, I can explain – " Adam said pleadingly, but Kelly wouldn't hear anything of it.

"Forget it, Adam!" she yelled at him.  "I don't care!  Obviously you have a thing for cheap sluts, so – "

"Hey, I resent that!" Aubrey said indignantly.  "I'm not cheap!"

"Whatever, you – you – human mattress!" Kelly snapped at her roommate, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"You're just jealous because I'm boinking Adam!" Aubrey retaliated, sticking her tongue out at Kelly.

"I can see that!  But what you don't know is that _I've_ been boinking Adam too!  And I ran my hands through his fro!"  Kelly narrowed her eyes at Aubrey and smirked at her.  Two could play at this slut game!

"You ran your hands through Adam's  fro?!" Aubrey asked, her mouth dropping open with shock.  She turned to an embarrassed Adam and smacked him across the face.  "How dare you!"

Kelly reached forward and gave him a smack of her own.  "Yeah!  How dare you!"

            Kim smacked Adam across the cheek as well.  "Yeah!  So take that – Adam!"  Everyone turned and stared at her strangely.  "I wanted to participate in the fun too," she said, shrugging her shoulders.  Adam just sat there in shock, rubbing his extremely red cheek.

            "Ahem – " Scott cleared his throat, drawing the attention from Adam to him.  "Sorry to break up…um…whatever the heck has been happening in here, but we have a tape that could possibly be a second mission.  So can we pop it into the ol' VCR or what?"

            "Yeah sure!  I'll be right there!" Aubrey said.  "Oh wait.  I'm naked.  Umm, can you guys excuse me for a moment?"

            The Fromiez all headed downstairs and into the living room, where they would watch the video tape that had magically appeared in their chimney.  Five minutes later, Aubrey joined them – fully clothed.  

            "Okay, here we go," Scott popped in the video and suddenly Bob Saget's face filled the screen.

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Fromiez,  if you're watching this tape, obviously you're ready for the second mission.  First of all, I want to congratulate you on a job well done on the first mission.  Although there were some things that you could improve on, like the fact that instead of working together to get away from Cammy you all just ran around like freaks.  Not good.  But I'm willing to overlook that and I'm ready to assign you your next mission.  For this one, it is vitally important that you learn to put aside your differences and work together.  This mission, should you choose to accept it, and you really have no choice, is to track down Kyle Downes – "

            "Hummina – " Kim automatically began.

            "Yes Kim, hummina hummina," Bob finished for her.  "Track down Kyle Downes, kidnap him and bring him back to Fro Manor.  It is up to you how you complete this mission.  But you must not be caught.  And one other thing – no one, under any circumstances, is allowed to shag Kyle Downes.  If you do, you will automatically fail the mission.  Good luck, Fromiez.  And may the force be with you."  With that, the tape ended.

            "Track down Kyle?!" Kelly wailed miserably.  "How the hell are we supposed to do that?  He could be anywhere!  No one knows where he is!  He disappeared off the face of the earth!"

            "Don't worry, Kelly," Kim told her reassuringly.  "There's only one place that Kyle could be.  One place that he would run to now that Lizzie McGuire is over.  One place that he used to call his home…and that he still calls his home."

            "Yeah, whatever – like that made sense," Jenn said sarcastically.  "Where is this place?"

            "Canada," Kim replied in a hushed voice.  She let it sink in for a moment while the Fromiez stood there and contemplated this news.  "Yes, guys.  We have to go to…Canada."

            "Ohhhhhh Canadaaaaaaa!" they all sang at the same time, and then, as if on cue, Adam came running down the stairs dressed in only his boxers and carrying the rest of his clothes.

            "So um…I think I'm gonna go now," he said sheepishly.  "Uhhh - nice seeing you all?"

            The only response was a fierce glare from all of the Fromiez, to which Adam just waved and then bashfully tried to slink out of the front door.

            "Anyway…someone needs to book plane tickets," Jenn said.  "I'll go do that.  We also need to find a house sitter.  We'll be gone a few days, and The Lucky Charms can't go unguarded."

            "Yeah, but _not Amy and Ben!" Kee put in.  "They ate all my food, man!  All my sammiches were gone when we got back!  That's so not cool!"_

            "Don't worry, I know the perfect people for the job!" Kim said excitedly.  "I'll go call them now!"

            *Cut to a commercial break.  And now a word from our sponsors*

            "Trojan condoms!  Remember kids: Put one ON before you put one IN!  And now back to our regularly schedule program!"

            *Cut back to the house, where everyone is trying to get everything together*

            "Where are my ear plugs?!  I can't go on an airplane without my earplugs!" Kelly yelled as she frantically searched her room.  However, no one really paid much attention, as they were having problems of their own.

            "I need my Morrissey CD!" Rich whined.

            "Yeah, well, I need my Metallica CD!" was Scott's response.

            "Forget you guys, I need a sammich!" came Kee's voice from inside the refrigerator.

            "HEY!  I'M ON THE PHONE HERE, PEOPLE!" Jenn yelled from the living room.  "Yes, so that'll be…hey guys, we just need seven tickets right?"  Before anyone could answer, the doorbell rang and Aubrey scampered off to answer it.

            "AIMS!" she cried once she saw who the mystery guest was.  "What are you doing here?  And why are you carrying bags?"

            "Hey guys!" Amy said as she stepped into the house.  "Well, my place is being fumigated because of a slight roach problem, so I just thought I'd come bunk with you guys for a few days.  Is that okay?"

            "Yeah, sure, but we're going on a mission," Aubrey told her.  "But you can come with us!  We're kidnapping Kyle Downes and bringing him back to Fro Manor!"

            "Do I need to add an extra ticket?!" Jenn asked impatiently, covering the phone mouth piece with her hand.

            "Yes, Aims is coming with us!" Aubrey clapped her hands gleefully.  This was going to be fun.  "Come on Aims, you can bunk with me and Kelly in the upsidown room!"

            As Amy and Aubrey headed upstairs, the doorbell rang again.

            "I'LL GET IT!" Kim yelled as she rushed down the stairs carrying her suitcase.  She nearly tripped over everyone else's junk in the process.  "HELLO MCFLY?  Can someone clean this up!  We have to leave in like, an hour and the house is a mess!"  She opened the door to find their house sitters for the next couple of days, Rachel and Dan.

            "Hey guys!" Kim greeted them enthusiastically.  "Come on in!  It's kind of a mess though, because we're trying to get everything in order for our next mission."

            "I still don't get why I can't come on the mission!" Rachel said sadly.  "I mean, I want to kidnap Kyle too!"

            "Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kim replied, rolling her eyes.  "We'll be bringing him back here, but don't think that you're gonna be all shacking up with him or whatever!"

            "And neither are you, Kim!" Jenn interjected suddenly.  "Because if you do, we fail the mission.  So keep your pants on, girlie."

            "No promises," Kim said innocently, batting her eyes.  "You know I can't promise anything when it involves Kyle."

            "Hey, I get to swim laps in the pool, right?" Dan asked.  "Because I was told that was allowed.  And I can run around the neighborhood, right?  It's safe and everything?"

            "Uhhh….yeah," Jenn said.  "Hopefully the pool was cleaned after Adam and Aubrey – you know…um…whatever."

            "Great!  I think I'll go for a swim now!" Dan took off his shirt and started running towards the sliding glass door that led to the pool.  "See you guys later!  Oh and Rachel, I'll be back at 8:00 to fix us a healthy and nutritious meal of tofu, sprouts and celery sticks!"

            "Uh, I can hardly contain my excitement," Rachel said dryly.  "Yeah, so…where's the nearest pizza place?" she asked once Dan had left.

            "Are you guys ready to go?" Scott asked as he lugged his suitcase to the front entranceway.  "Our plane takes off in two hours."

            "Yeah, and these were expensive tickets!  I had to book us first class because there weren't any open seats in coach!" Jenn added.  "Oh well, it doesn't matter.  Bob's paying anyway!  Thanks Bob!"

            "Alright, let's get out of here!" Scott began grabbing bags and loading them onto the Fro Van.  Eventually, all the Fromiez managed to drag themselves outside and into the van, although it was a little crowded as a result of all of their crap, and the extra member they had taken on that day.

            "Rich, your foot is up my ass!" Kim complained as she jabbed him in the side with her elbow.

            "Yeah, well, I would have taken shotgun since I'M THE TALLEST, but noooo someone else jumped in there when I wasn't looking!"

            Aubrey turned around and stuck her tongue out at Rich in response.  "I only did it because we all didn't want YOU controlling the radio!"

            "Thank GOD," Scott said gratefully as he hopped into the driver's seat.  "Okay, everyone comfortable back there?"

            "NO!" they all shouted at the same time.  

            "Great, let's hit the road!" Scott started the Fro Van and threw it into gear, peeling out of the driveway and towards the airport.

            How will their second mission go?  Will Rachel and Dan be able to guard the house from Susan's wrath?  Stay tuned to find out!

            BUT WAIT!  You, the viewer, can decide what happens next!  Should Kim shag Kyle?  Yes or No!  Call in to vote!    


	10. Chapter 9: WE'RE GONNA DIE!

Greetings and salutations, lovers of Lizzie McGuire and DBS!  I bring to you Chapter 9, and I do hope you enjoy.  I decided to make a list of people that I'm going to incorporate into later chapters, so if you see your name on the list, feel special.  If you don't see your name, umm…it was a computer glitch, I swear.  But if you don't see your name and you want to be in the story, drop me a note or bug the crap out of Jenn or Rich, who in turn will bug the crap out of me.  And there you go!

            A list of playas to be added at a later date:

Lyndsey, Bibsy, KT & Lane (RP-ers in da hizzouse!), Gary (who is actually in this chapter) and JP.

            Guest stars that showed up once before but will probably be returning for an encore presentation:

Ashley, Amy, Rachel, Dan, freaky-deaky- freakalicious mcguire and Cammy.

It's  7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"The roof!  The roof!  The roof is on FIYAH!"

"Oh my god, I can't believe you're watching The Proud Family."

"My secret admirer strikes again!"

"Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me!"

"Can I get a toot toot?"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome to another captivating and entrancing episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  Thanks for all your calls AND for your votes!  Trust me, you WON'T be disappointed!  Last week we saw The Fromiez embark on their second mission – to kidnap Kyle Downes, bring him back to Fro Manor, and manage to go the whole time without shagging him!  This might be easy for Rich, Scott and Kee, but yet a little difficult for the ladies since they're all horny gals!  Oops, did I just say that out loud?  Silly me!  Ha, ha, ha!  Anywayyyy….The Fromiez left the house in the very capable hands of Rachel and Dan.  We'll check in with them later, but first let's return to our favorite seven fans of Lizzie McGuire, as they soar through the skies on the way to Canada!"

*Camera fades out as Bob makes a soaring motion with his hand and begins to flap his arms like a bird *

      Suddenly, a voice that sounded suspiciously familiar rang out over the intercom,

"This is your captain speaking.  Please make sure that all seats are in the full, upright position and fasten your seatbelts as we prepare for take-off.  Thank you."

      "OH MY GOD!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Amy screamed at the top of her lungs as the plane jolted to life and began to cruise down the runway.  She gripped the armrests of her seat so hard that her knuckles turned white.  "WE'RE GONNA FREAKING DIE!"

      "Amy!  Will you PLEASE shut up?!" Kim yelled from across the aisle, throwing her magazine down in frustration.  "You've been acting like a complete spaz ever since we stepped on the plane, and we haven't even taken off yet!"

      "Yeah, Amy.  You need to keep it down, we're in first class and stuff," Aubrey told her from the seat next to Amy.  "I mean, there are like, really rich and important people on this plane right now.  People that make their living in the public eye and they don't want to be bothered.  All they want is a little peace and quiet."

            The man sitting in front of Amy and Aubrey turned around, grinning and winking at them in a cheesy way.  "Hi, I'm Dave Coulier from Full House.  Yes, that's me – _Dave Coulier_ from Full House.  I played Joey Gladstone.  Would you like an autograph?"

            "Excuse me, I'm trying to have a conversation here!" Aubrey snapped rudely.  Dave blushed and turned back around, slipping the complimentary headphones over his ears.  "Anyway, like I was saying.  Really important people are on this plane, somewhere."

            "Hot towel?" a short, blonde flight attendant asked a very nervous Amy.  The flight attendant plastered a smile on her face and held out a steaming piece of cloth.

            "Uhhhh – am I gonna die?" Amy asked the flight attendant, who just furrowed her brow in confusion and moved down a row.

            "Hot towel?" she asked Kee and Rich, who were sitting next to each other.

            "Hey there!  How YOU doin?" Kee replied automatically, giving the blonde a head nod and a goofy grin.  She just continued to smile as she plopped a towel on both Rich and Kee's trays.  

            "I'm just fine, thank you," she replied before continuing with her duties.

            "Hey man, did you see that flight attendant?" Kee poked Rich in the side.  Suddenly, he jolted out of his world of Morrissey and took off the headphones he had molded onto his head. 

            "What flight attendant?" Rich asked confusedly.

            "Uhhh, only the one with the nicest ass like…ever!"  Kee pointed to the blonde woman, who was currently leaning over to help a man with his seatbelt.  She was indeed beautiful, with her shiny blonde hair pinned up in a bun, piercing green eyes framed by long lashes, and cute ski-jump nose.  However, Rich didn't seem too interested, and he just shrugged his shoulders before returning to the sounds of whiny 80's rock music.  "Man, you're totally oblivious," Kee said to his roommate.  He just didn't understand why Rich refused to hit on hot girls.  Oh well – that meant that there was one less man to worry about.  "Uhhh, excuse me – " Kee continued, lightly touching the flight attendant on the arm as she headed to the back of the plane.  "But can you tell me what tonight's dinner choices are?"

            "Of course," she smiled prettily, showing her gleaming white teeth.  There was something familiar about that smile – something sort of eerie, but neither Rich nor Kee could place their finger on it.  "The choices for this evening are chicken or spaghetti."

            "Hmmm, that's a tough decision," Kee said, tapping his finger on his chin in thought.  "I like both chicken _and spaghetti.  What would you suggest?"_

            "Kee, quit being such a loser!" Kim bellowed from her seat next to Jenn.  "This lovely woman has better things to do than sit here and have you hit on her all night."

            "Hey, I'm workin' here, toots!"  Kee retaliated.  "So just step off, mmmm kay?"

            "Why don't I just take your hot towels if you're done?" the woman said in a somewhat strained voice as she leaned over to retrieve them.  She grabbed Kee's since he was on the aisle, but as she reached for Rich's, she accidentally knocked into his CD player in the process, sending it crashing to the floor.  "Oh no!  I'm so sorry, sir," she said frantically as she bent down to retrieve the CD that had become dislodged from the player.  "Morrissey!  Wow!  I absolutely _love_ Morrissey!" the woman exclaimed excitedly.  "I thought I was the only one who still listened to him!"

            Rich glanced at the woman somewhat strangely.  She had to be joking, right?  "Uhhh…yeah.  Morrissey's cool," he said as he took the CD back from her.

            "Contrary to popular belief, I don't think he was all that whiny," she said in an authoritative tone.  "I also really like the Cure, another misunderstood group from the 1980's."

            "I love the Cure too!" Rich exclaimed, finally cracking a smile.  "They're awesome."

            "My name's Sandie," the woman replied as she batted her eyelashes at him.  "You can just call me if you need me….uhhh…?"

            "It's Richard."

            "Well, you can just call me if you need me, Richard," Sandie flashed one last smile at him before moving on to the next row.

            "Whoooooo!  My name's _Sandieeeeee," Kim drawled in a mocking voice as she dramatically fluttered her eyes at Rich.  "You can just _call me _if you__ need me….hot stuff!"  Her and Jenn snickered as the plane lurched to life and began to gain speed before finally beginning its ascent into the air._

            Rich just made a face at the two girls, and was about to come back with a snippy reply, but was immediately interrupted by Amy, who began screaming loudly as the plane soared through the sky.

            "WE'RE GONNA DIE!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!  OH MY GOD, WE'RE – 

            "This is your captain speaking," suddenly, everyone froze and listened to what he had to say.  "Will the passengers in first class please quiet down.  Thank you."

            "That means you, Amy!" Kelly said from her seat next to the window of the plane.  On her other side was Scott, who was separating Kelly and Aubrey.  They weren't quite ready to be all friendly again – at least Kelly wasn't.  She was still a little angry with Aubrey over the whole Adam situation.  However, at this moment Aubrey wasn't presenting a problem but was instead engaged in a rousing game of poker with Scott.

            "Ha!  Full house!  Take that, bitch!" Aubrey cried triumphantly as she threw down her cards.  "You owe me your dessert!"

            "Did someone say Full House?" Dave Coulier asked as he popped up in front of Scott and Aubrey.  "I was on that show, you know!  Yes, it's me – _Dave Coulier!  Would you like an autograph?"_

            "DUDE!  Go away!" Aubrey yelled, shooing him away with her hand.  "We're having a poker game!"  Once again, Dave turned around shamefully, much to Aubrey's delight.  "Anyway…you owe me your dessert, Scooty."

            "Yeah, yeah.  Don't worry, Aubs.  I'll pay up.  In fact, I – "

            "OH MY GOD!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!"  Aubrey jumped about ten feet in the air as Amy's nails dug into her arm.  "Hold me, Aubrey!  Hold me!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

            "This is your captain speaking,"  Aubrey jerked her arm out of Amy's grasp and focused her attention on the intercom.  "Will the extremely loud person sitting in first class please be a little quieter.  Thank you."

            "Shhhh!" Aubrey hissed at the girl next to her.  "We're not gonna die, Aims.  Just chill out."  She looked up to see the plane movie screen lowered and suddenly the lights in the cabin dimmed.  "See, we're going to watch a movie now.  Just relax.  What is the movie, anyway?"

            "I don't know, but I'll bet Sandie does," Scott replied with a slight edge to his voice.  "Yo, Rich – why don't you ask your little girlfriend what the in-flight movie is?"

            "I don't have a girlfriend," Rich said innocently, to which Scott just sighed heavily.

            "I _know that, you doofus.  It's called sarcasm?"  He motioned for Sandie to come over to their row.  "Hi, um, Sandie was it?  Can you tell us what the in-flight movie is?"_

            "Sure!  It's The Lizzie McGuire Movie," she said, smiling broadly at Rich, even though he hadn't even asked the question.

            "Oh dear LORD!" Kim cried in frustration.  "Are you serious?  We have to watch that crap?  Can't we watch something else?  How about that movie where the plane crashes and everyone has to eat each other for survival?"

            "OH MY GOD!  WE'RE GONNA DIE!" 

            "This is your captain speaking – "

            "Here we go again," Kelly muttered, rolling her eyes.

            "Will the EXTREMELY LOUD AND ANNOYING PERSON in first class please SHUT THE HELL UP! Thank you!"

            "Why does that voice sound so familiar?" Jenn asked, scratching her head in confusion.  "I was gonna say that it sounds like Ben Stiller, but it can't be him…can it?"

            "Actually, it _is_ Ben Stiller," Sandie whispered.  "But don't draw a lot of attention to him.  This is his first flight and everything."

            "Oh, I feel so much better," Scott said sarcastically.  "This officially sucks."

            Sandie shrugged and headed back towards the movie projector, and five seconds later the opening credits of The Lizzie McGuire Movie flashed across the screen.  The Fromiez all shifted uncomfortably in their seats as Hilary sung the bubble-gum pop tune "The Tide is High" into her hairbrush and danced around.

            "I think I'm gonna be sick – " Rich said in a low voice as he pawed for the barf bag stuck to the back of the seat in front of him.  He retched into it, dry heaving until the horrible scene was over.

            "We're officially on a flight into hell," Kim quipped as she slumped down in her seat and turned away from the terrible spectacle on screen.  "That's it, I'm going to sleep.  Night, all.  See you in Canada."

            "I second that notion," Aubrey said as she positioned her pillow on Scott's shoulder and leaned her head down, dozing off almost immediately.  Since he was taller than her, he was able to use her head as a makeshift pillow, thus re-enacting the plane scene from Lizzie McGuire.

            The cabin slowly settled down as most of the passengers on board grew weary of the movie and decided to take a little siesta as well.  Even Amy was dead asleep and slumped against Aubrey, using her left shoulder as a pillow.  For a few moments, everything was quiet.

            *Cut to a commercial break!  And now, a word from our sponsors!  Remember kids, listen to Mr. T!  Stay in milk, drink drugs and don't do school!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*

"This is your captain speaking.  May I have everyone's attention please?"  Slowly but surely, The Fromiez all groggily opened their eyes and listened to their fearless leader, Ben Stiller.  "I'm afraid that the plane will be hitting some rough turbulence momentarily.  Yes, Amy.  We might die."

"OH MY GOD!" Amy shouted, bolting awake and shaking Aubrey like she was some rag doll.  "Did you hear that??  We're gonna DIE!  Ben said we were gonna DIE!  NOOOOO!"

"He just said we _might die," Aubrey corrected her.  "The key word is – whooaaaaa!" her statement was interrupted by a sudden jolt, sending the plane into a frenzy of bumping and shaking.  "Okay, yeah.  Actually, we will probably will die.  Cool!"_

"Hey, my soda just flew off my tray!" Kee cried as he watched the cup go sliding onto the floor, the contents spilling everywhere.  "I need a new soda!"

"Laaaadies and gentlemen," Ben Stiller said calmly over the intercom, however the intense shaking of the plane made his speech somewhat garbled.  "Pll-ee-ase st-a-aa-ay se-a-a-ated.  Do-o-o- n-o-ot pa-aniccccc!"

"JESUS HOOFUM CHRIST!" Kim shrieked as the plane took a sudden nosedive, then quickly wrenched back into an upward ascent into the sky.  "Ben Stiller should seriously stick to what he knows!  He needs to stop flying planes!"

"I think I'm gonna be sick – " Rich reached for the barf bag again and began dry heaving into it.

"Turbulence getting to you?" Kelly asked in a concerned voice.

"No, I just pictured Hilary singing "What Dreams Are Made Of," Rich replied weakly in between retches.

The plane continued to bounce up and down, but surprisingly everyone was silent, including Amy.  As Ben fought against the rough turbulence, she just sat there in her seat, squinching her eyes shut.

"So Jenn, I was thinking," Kee finally said, scratching his chin as if he were contemplating something.  "I've always found you to be an extremely bright, vibrant and beautiful young woman – "

"Wow, really Kee?  That's so nice," Jenn replied, genuinely flattered.

"Yeah.  I mean, not many girls are like you.  I think you have the charm of Audrey Hepburn, the looks of Grace Kelly and the charisma of Madonna.  It's like a mix of great characteristics all rolled into one."

"Awww…thank you so much!"  Jenn smiled brightly at Kee.  She never knew that he could be so poetic with his words.  Maybe there was more to him than meets the eye.

"Yeah, so – want to join the Mile High Club before we die?" he asked as he gave a knowing glance towards the bathroom.  Jenn started coughing furiously, trying not to laugh.  

"Gee, thanks for the invite – but I think I'll pass!" she said, rolling her eyes at him.

"Playing hard to get, eh?  It's okay.  I know you'll come around," Kee said casually, leaning back in his seat.  However, that was hard to do since the plane kept lurching up and down and up and down, much like a bad roller coaster ride.

"How is everyone doing?" the flight attendant, Sandie, asked as she wheeled a snack cart down the aisle.  It banged Kee in the elbow, causing him to cry out in pain.  "Ooh!  I'm so sorry!  I'm just so nervous!  I'm afraid that we're all going to die and – "

"And why would you think that?" Scott asked as another vicious jolt rocked the plane.  "Ow!  This is starting to hurt my butt!"

"Yo Sandie, I need a new soda – and possibly a sammich if you got one," Kee asked her politely.  She set a can of Coke and a bag of peanuts on his tray, but at the same time the plane took another sudden nosedive, sending the fresh soda and peanuts straight towards the ground.  "Uhhh – never mind then."

"This is just so terrible," Sandie said in a sad voice, her mouth turning down into a frown.  "Now I'll have to die without ever finding true love.  It's always been a dream of mine to meet that one person who I can spend the rest of my life with as we grow old together.  Do any of you have that same dream as well?"

"Boo frickedy hoo and cry me a fricking river," Kim replied dryly.  "Jenn, pass me the new People magazine, would you?"

"I'll trade you a People magazine for a Cosmo," Jenn offered in response.

"Yeah so…where's my sammich?" Kee asked.

"Adam is such a two-timer!" growled Kelly.

"Huzzah!" Aubrey cried.

"Wake me up when we're dead," Scott said as he leaned on Aubrey and prepared to return to blissful sleep.

Rich looked around at his fellow Fromiez.  What the hell was wrong with them?  "Yeah, I guess I've thought about that," he told Sandie.  "But I guess no one else really has."

"See, I knew you'd understand!" she said with relief.  "For some reason, I just felt like you would.  But it's hard for me because I've been looking for love in all of the wrong places, and well, I've found comfort in many, many men."

"Really?" Rich asked somewhat confusedly.  He wasn't quite sure what she was talking about.

"Yes," Sandie lowered her eyes in shame.  "The thing is that I – well – I like men.  I like men a lot.  And sometimes I've gotten too carried away."

"What do you mean?" 

"Girl's a whore, Rich," Kim said in her non-tactful way as she attempted to flip through People magazine.

"But all I _really_ want is to find true love!" Sandie insisted.  "I've just made too many mistakes in my life, that's all."

"It's okay, Sandie," Rich reassured her.  "I'm sure you'll find that one special person eventually, and when you do – your past won't matter to them."

"Thanks.  I hope so," she smiled at Rich, and he smiled back at her.  He would have enjoyed the moment, but something about that toothy grin of hers bothered him.  He couldn't quite identity why that smile irked him, but it was a strange feeling.

"This is your captain speaking – "

"GO AWAY!" Kelly screamed, covering her ears with her hands.

"Uhhh….hello.  This is your captain speaking.  May I have your attention please.  Due to the extraordinarily shitty circumstances, we will be making an emergency landing in Michigan to wait for the bad weather to clear up.  Thank you.  That is all."

Everyone groaned as Ben guided the plane down to the runway of Michigan airport.  This would definitely put them behind schedule, and The Fromiez would only have one day to kidnap Kyle and bring him back to Fro Manor.

"This is just greaaaaaaat," Jenn complained as she followed the rest of the Fromiez off of the plane and into the airport terminal.  "Stuck in a crappy terminal for god knows how long.  I'm _so _excited."

"Hey look!  Check out the sign that guy is holding up!" Kelly said suddenly as she pointed to a distinguished looking gentleman with a red beard holding a sign that said "FROMIEZ" on it in big, bold letters.  "I think that's Gary!"

"Gary?!  No way!" Kim cried as they made their way up to the mysterious stranger.  "Well, kick my ass and call me Rich!  It _is_ Gary!  Dude!  How the hell are ya!?"

"I'm excellent, thank you," Gary said as she shook all of the Fromiez's hands.  "Bob called me and told me you guys were in quite a predicament.  Since Ben Stiller sucks at flying planes just as much as his movie Mystery Men sucks, he steered the plane right into a nasty patch of bad weather.  You all are lucky that you made it out alive.  But I wanted to come and meet you at the airport, and bring you back to my house, where you can hang out until your next flight leaves."

"Gary, you rock my socks," Aubrey said appreciatively.  "In fact, you rock my rainbow striped toe socks."

"Thanks, Aubrey," Gary replied as he bent down to give The Fromiez a hand with their luggage. "But I've been supporting you guys since Day One.  I saw that episode where you rolled Cammy's house – nice job.  Very nice job, I have to say.  The whole situation seemed to represent a direct antithesis of post number 1020, done by Cammy, which stated that Hoofum was a "special case" and would get what was coming to him.  But in this case it was definitely _Cammy_ who got what was coming to him."

"Wow, Gary.  That's impressive that you remember all that," Jenn said to him, to which he just shrugged and smiled mischievously.

"It hasn't been forgotten.  Nothing is ever forgotten," he stated wisely.

"So Gary, what time did you say our flight leaves?" Kim asked him.

"Oh…um…..gee.  Sorry – I forgot."

How are Rachel and Dan doing back at the house?  Who exactly IS Sandie?  Will The Fromiez be able to kidnap Kyle without shagging him?  Stay tuned to find out!


	11. Chapter 10: Tracking Down Kyle Downes

Huzzah and hello to everyone!   Hope you enjoyed the last chapter, and remember to keep those calls coming!  Bob likes talking to people, since he's kind of lonely and bored nowadays, what with Full House being off the air and everything.  This is a doozy of a chapter, so fasten your seatbelts and enjoy the ride!  

It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie…Uncut and Uncensored!

*Theme song for the show begins to play, and yes, it's R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," while images and sound bites accompany it, including:*

"Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Oh great, we have to get Kim out of there!"

"It's like we've stepped into another dimension…oh wait, we have."

"Mmm…bon-bons!"

"SHAZAM ON A CRACKER, BABY!"

*Camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  And welcome, yes WELCOME, to yet another fascinating look into the lives of seven fans of Lizzie McGuire!  We're at the halfway point as far as time goes, and it's been an interesting ride so far for our Fromiez!  We've seen betrayal, cheap animal-like lust, fear, longing, despair and even a little bit of shagging!  I can't wait to see what happens next!  Last week we left The Fromiez at Gary's house in Michigan, where they had to make an unscheduled stop thanks to the horrible piloting skills of Ben Stiller.  Let's check in with them as they finally arrive at their destination – the fine country of Canada!"

*Camera fades out as Bob begins singing "O Canada" in an off-pitch voice*

            "May I have your attention, please?  This is your captain speaking.  Please return seats to the full, upright position as we prepare for landing.  Thank you."

            "BEN!" Amy shouted, suddenly bolting upright and looking around confusedly.  "Was that – was that Ben?"

            "Mmppph," Aubrey stirred in the seat next to Amy, not bothering to open her eyes.  "Go back to sleep, Aims," she murmured.  "Ben's not on this plane."

            "Was that a dream?" Amy asked somewhat groggily.  "Ben was our pilot.  Was it just a dream?"

            "More like a horrible nightmare," Kim said wryly as she punched her deflated pillow and rearranged it.  "We _would have been in Canada yesterday if Ben hadn't flown us straight into a storm.  Way to go, a-hole!"_

            "But at least we got to hang out with Gary," Jenn said consolingly.  "That was a crazy game of chess we all got into."

            "Yeah, especially when they made it a game of strip chess," Kim replied, shuddering at the memory.  "I will never look at a pawn in the same way ever again."

            The pilot of flight 347 was an expert, unlike Ben Stiller, and he effortlessly guided the plane down onto the runway.  The Fromiez all jumped slightly as the wheels hit the ground, but they were excited to finally arrive at their destination.  Now the mission could actually take place – and hopefully it would go smoothly, without any problems.

            Once they stepped out of the airport, they got to work on the mission right away.  The Fromiez only had 8 hours, 30 minutes and 26 seconds to find Kyle, kidnap him and get back on the plane.  

            "Okay, first thing's first," Kelly said authoritatively as they all stood outside in the somewhat chilly air, "We know where Kyle is, thanks to Kim's expert ability to stalk him.  But what we _don't know is how we can get into his house, since he has some pretty tight security."_

            "You mean we can't just walk in?" Rich asked confusedly.

            "Yeah, and then Kyle would call the Canadian Mounties to come kick our asses," Kim replied.  "No, it has to be a smooth way of entrance, something that he wouldn't ever expect."

            Unfortunately, no one could think of much of anything, but alas, the clock was ticking and time was against them.

            "Come on guys, let's just walk and see if we can come up with something," Jenn suggested.  They began walking down the street with their hands shoved in their pockets in an effort to stay warm.  Suddenly, Kee stopped at the sight of a cozy little bakery that was nestled in among a hardware store and a bookstore.

            "Guys!  Do you smell that?"  He took a whiff of the air and sighed happily.  "I definitely smell something good!  We need to stop for some cookies or cake or something.  Or maybe a sammich, if they make them.  Yeah, a sammich – on freshly baked bread!"

            "We can't stop, Kee," Jenn said, rolling her eyes at him.  "We have to come up with a plan because we only have…" with a grand flourish of her wrist, she checked her watch.  "Eight hours, 20 minutes and 15 seconds left – or we fail the mission."

            "Come onnnnn, Jenn," he gave her the sad puppy-dog eyes and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the bakery.  "You know you want a cookie!"

            "Ughh…" Jenn reluctantly allowed him to drag her in while the rest of the Fromiez straggled along behind.  "Let's make this fast, okay?"

            As Kee oo-ed and ahh-ed over the selection of baked goodies, the rest of the group plopped down on the little tables that were scattered throughout the bake shop.

            "Hey Mike!  Did you start working on that cake for tonight?" a voice boomed from the back room.

            "Not yet, Steve.  But I'm about to get right on it."

            "Well, you better hurry up!  I'm leaving for the night in about 10 minutes, so you'll be here alone.  But Kyle Downes is a _very important customer, and if you screw up that cake, you're dead."_

            At the mention of Kyle's name, seven pairs of ears perked up, all except for Kee, who was busy trying to decide between a cinnamon bun and an apple strudel.

            "You guys!" Kelly hissed as she scooted her chair in close to the rest of the group, "Did you hear that?!  Kyle is ordering a cake from here for tonight!  That may be the break that we need!"

            "There's no time to waste!" Kim said urgently.  "We have to somehow make sure that _we_ deliver that cake to Kyle!  It's the only way we can get into his house!  But how could we possibly do that?"

            "Hmmm…" Jenn bit her lip in thought, and everyone could practically see the wheels turning.  "I think I have a plan," she said as she smiled mischievously.  "Kee, you keep that Steve guy busy until he leaves.  Ask him questions about Kyle and get as much information as you can.  As soon as he leaves, come get the rest of us.  Well be waiting out back.  Then, we take Mike out because he won't be baking that cake tonight – we will.  And it's going to have a special surprise waiting inside for Kyle."

            "What sort of surprise?" Kim asked warily.  

            "That's where you come in, Kim," Jenn told her knowingly.  "Come on, let's go, everyone.  We'll hang out until Kee gives us a signal."

            "Uhhh, what is the signal?" Kee asked.  "Should I say something like, 'the eagle has landed – I repeat, the eagle has landed.'"

            "No, it has to be cooler," Scott told him.  "Something like – the rooster is in the henhouse."

            "That's not cool!" Kee scoffed, making a face at Scott.  "Cool is like, "the shit has hit the fan, I repeat, the shit has hit the fan."

            "GUYS!" Jenn shouted.  "I don't care what the signal is!  Kee, just come get us when Steve leaves!"

            "Okay, okay," Kee muttered under his breath.  "Hey, I need some service out here!" he cried to no one in particular as he hit the little bell on top of the counter.  The rest of the Fromiez rushed out of the bakery as Steve came up to the front.

            "I'm terribly sorry about that," he said apologetically.  "We were just in the back discussing a very important cake for tonight.  So how can I help you, sir?"

            "Hmmm…" Kee looked through the glass case at all the delectable goods.  "I think I'd like an apple strudel."

            "Coming right up," Steve said cheerfully as he reached for a piece of wax paper to grab it with.

            "I mean, wait, no!  I think I'd like a big chocolate chip cookie," Kee told him.  Again, Steve reached for the appropriate treat, but Kee had already changed his mind.  "I mean!  No!  I don't want that anymore.  I want a cinnamon bun."

            "Are you sure?" Steve asked impatiently.  Kee tapped his finger on his chin, contemplating the idea.  

            "Yeah, I think I'm sure," Kee waited a few moments while Steve selected the biggest cinnamon bun.  "Sooo…got a big party tonight?  Baking a special cake?" he asked casually.

            "Something like that," Steve replied as he dropped the cinnamon bun into a bag.  "That'll be $1.50."

            "Did I hear you mention something about Kyle Downes?" Kee asked as he fished into his pocket for some money.  "Wasn't he that dude on that one Disney channel show, uhh…what's it called again?"

            "Lizzie McGuire," Steve replied promptly.  "Yeah, that's him.  He's very well-known here in Canada."

            "Is it his birthday?" Kee wondered, although he knew it wasn't.

            "Nah.  He's having a surprise birthday party at his house for his best friend, Scott Weinger, so that's why he ordered the cake."  Steve handed Kee the bag and flashed him a smile.  "You have a good night, okay?"

            "Sure," Kee said as he took the bag.  Scott Weinger?  Wasn't he that dude on Full House?  Damn, those cast members from cheesy 80's TV shows just kept popping up out of the woodwork these days!  However, Kee couldn't help but feel a little distressed over this news.  Jenn had been talking about Scott Weinger a lot lately.  Oh well – maybe he'd turn out to be a huge asshole, and then Kee would finally have a shot.  Yeah, right.

            Kee hovered by the counter some more until Steve came out from the back again.  "Hey, I'm gonna leave, so if you need anything, just ask my co-worker, Mike," he instructed Kee.  "Have a great one!"

            Kee just nodded in response as he stood there and drooled over the selection of pastries.  However, once Steve finally left the bakery, he snapped out of it.  They had a mission to accomplish.

            "Yo guys!" Kee whispered loudly as he poked his head out of the door.  "The coast is clear!  Uhh, come out, come out, wherever you are?"

            "That signal sucked!" Scott said disdainfully as him and the rest of the Fromiez made their way back to the bakery.  "Oh well, what's the plan, guys?"

            "We go take Mike down," Jenn answered.  "And we're all pretty scary people.  I'm sure that won't be a problem."

            The Fromiez quietly made their way into the bakery and entered the back room, where Mike was arranging ingredients on the counter for Kyle's cake.  He froze as he noticed the huge shadow looming over him, and he slowly turned around.

            "Hello Mike," Kim said in an eerie voice.  "This is _our _kitchen now!  Prepare to be destroyed!"

            "Um, wha – " Mike began, but his sentence was cut off as he was tackled by all eight Fromiez.  They took him down to the ground and began mercilessly tickling him everywhere.  "Hey!  Hey!  STOP!" he managed to yell in between fits of screaming laughter.  "Okay!  OKAY!  I'll give you anything, anything you want!  Just stop tickling me!  Please!"

            "We're baking the cake for Kyle!" Kelly insisted.  "Is that understood?!"

            "I – I can't!  Kyle – he's – he's an important…customer!" Mike stammered, but his response was met with eighty fingers digging into his most tickle-ish areas – armpits, ribcage and feet.  "OKAY!  ALRIGHT!  OKAY!"

            "Say it!  Say we're baking the cake!" Jenn threatened him as he squirmed around on the floor.

            "YOU'RE BAKING THE CAKE!" Mike finally shouted, and at once all the Fromiez removed their hands from his body.  He pulled himself up off the ground, wiping the tears from his eyes.  "Man, you guys are tough."

            "We know," Kim said proudly as she polished her nails on her shirt.  "Now get the hell out of here."

            Mike hurriedly scampered out of the kitchen, still wearing his cook's apron and hat while the Fromiez immediately got to work on the cake.

            *Cut to a commercial break!  And now a word from our sponsors!  Catch the new flick Leprechaun V: The Wrath of Susan!  Coming soon to a theater near you!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*

            "Come on Kim – just climb into the stupid cake!"  Jenn insisted impatiently.  It was T-minus 6 hours, 10 minutes and 32 seconds until their deadline was up, and she was in no mood to deliberate over small details.  "You'll only have to be there for a little bit while we drive the delivery van to Kyle's house.  Then you jump out, grab Kyle, and we get the heck outta dodge – WHAT is the big deal?"

            "I'm gonna suffocate!" Kim cried worriedly as she stared at the tall cake that would soon house her inside.  "I'll die before we even get there!"

            "Kim!  We already discussed this plan!" Jenn said with gritted teeth.  "Plus, we wasted an hour and a half baking this damn cake.  So climb inside and LET'S GO!"

            "FINE!  GEEZ!" Kim dragged a step ladder over to the cake and climbed up so she was able to hoist a leg over the edge of the cake.  Gingerly, she stepped inside and crossed her arms in front of her chest.  "It's cramped in here!" she complained.  "Can we just leave now before I lose my nerve?!"

            Jenn placed the frosted top over the cake, covering up Kim completely.  Carefully her, Rich, Scott and Kelly took an edge of the cake and lifted it into the air.  They carried it outside to the van, while Aubrey opened the door for them.  They delicately put it into the backseat, despite Kim's cries from the inside.

            "This sucks, you guys!" she yelled as they all proceeded to climb into the van.  "Scooty, if you hit a bump, you're so dead!"

            "Quit being a cake-seat driver!" Scott quipped as he jumped into the driver's seat and started the van.

            "That wasn't funny," Aubrey said, sticking her tongue out at him.  

            "Yeah, well, I didn't ask you - loser," he replied teasingly.  "Where are we going anyway, since you have the directions.  Is it a left at Anderson Avenue?"

            "Right," Aubrey said.  "….Noooo!  Not _right_!  LEFT!" 

            "You told me right!" Scott said frustratingly.

            "I was saying right as in 'you were correct' – DUH!"

            "You are such a dweeb!" Scott shouted as he made a sharp U-Turn by a gas station.

            "And you're an even bigger dweeb!" Aubrey retaliated.

            "Will you guys stop arguing like an old married couple and step on the gas?!" Kelly asked impatiently.  "I think Kim's melting back here."

            Luckily, they made it to Kyle's house without any further incident.  The security guard at the front gate waved them right in once he saw they were delivering the cake.  Since Kyle was throwing a party, there were tons of cars already parked outside, and Scott had no problem maneuvering the van behind a red Corvette on the side of the road.  They all grabbed an edge of the cake and carried it to the front door.

            "This is it, you guys," Jenn said nervously as she pressed the doorbell.  Soon, the door was opened by a tall, sandy-haired kid with glasses. 

            "Uhhh, can I help you?" he asked suspiciously.  The Fromiez could all hear the sounds of blasting music coming from inside the house.  It seemed like a pretty interesting party.

            "Yeah, we're just here to deliver the cake for the party," Kelly said cheerfully as she showed the cake in a traditional Price is Right fashion.  "And here it is!  Isn't it beautiful?"

            "Sure, come on in," the kid opened the door further and gestured for the group to follow him.  They walked into the house and passed about 500 people on the way, all holding cups of punch and dancing to various hip-hop tunes.

            "Yo, Kyle – the cake's here," the kid said as he tapped a fairly short, brown-haired guy on the shoulder.  Suddenly, he whirled around and the Fromiez all found themselves face to face with the elusive Kyle J. Downes.  

            "Thanks, man," Kyle said as he grinned at the sandy-haired kid.  "Wow, this cake is a lot taller than I remember ordering.  It was only supposed to be three layers."

            "Well, you know," Jenn chirped in a cheery voice, "You're just one of our favorite customers and – um, well – we just love you, that's all!  So don't worry about the extra layers because they're on the house!"  She coughed loudly.

            "That's so nice of you, thanks," Kyle replied.  "Here, let me pay you now – " Jenn coughed again.  Another cough would be the signal for Kim to jump out of the cake.  "Are you okay?" Kyle asked, peering at her strangely.

            "Oh yes, I'm fine!  I just have a little, um, tickle in my throat!  AH-EM!" 

            At the sound of the third cough, the top of the beautiful dessert burst open and a cake-and-frosting covered Kim popped out with her arms outstretched and aiming for Kyle.  Unfortunately, she tripped jumping out and the whole cake, along with her and Kyle, toppled to the floor and coated everything in a three-foot radius with gooey frosting and crumby cake.

            "What the - ?!" Kyle cried as he struggled to push a cake-covered Kim off of him.  "Who are you?!  What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

            "Grab him, guys!" Kelly shouted as she started to head towards the back door.  "We've gotta go!"

            "Hey – stop it – HEY!" Kyle protested as Kim grabbed his arms and Jenn grabbed his feet.  "Put me down!  What are you doing?!  STOP IT!"  They carried him to the door despite all his struggling, but were automatically blocked by a tall man with dark brown hair and friendly brown eyes.  There was something about him that looked slightly familiar.

            "Excuse me, but where are you taking my best friend?" the man asked curiously.

            "Scott!  Help me!" Kyle yelled as he thrashed around wildly.  "These people got in here somehow!  I don't even know who they are!"

            "Scott?!" Jenn's eyes lit up as she suddenly made the connection.  "Oh my GOD!  You're Scott Weinger from Full House!  I LOVE YOU!" She abruptly dropped Kyle's feet and rushed into Scott's arms, completely taking him off guard.  He stumbled back a bit, and wore a surprised but yet amused look on his face.

            Because Kyle's feet were free, he took the opportunity to try and run away, but Kim just threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a sugary sweet frosting-kiss on his lips.

            "Mmppph!" Kyle's arms flailed about while he tried to remove the attachment known as Kim.  He kept backing up until he finally tripped over a piece of the rug, sending himself and Kim back down onto the ground.

            "What the HELL is going on in here?!" Kee demanded as he ran back into the house from outside, surveying the scene in front of him: Jenn latched onto Scott Weinger, and Kim and Kyle locking lips on the floor – while covered in cake.  "YOU GUYS!  Scott's ready with the van, what are you people doing?!  I thought we were _leaving?!"_

            "Come on!" Kim cried as she dragged a breathless Kyle out to the van.  He wasn't quite sure what was happening, and neither was Scott.  

            "What the heck?!" Rich asked as he saw Jenn climb into the van with her new boy toy.  "Who is this guy?  We don't have room for him!"

            "Hi, I'm Scott Weinger, how are you?" he politely asked as he squished himself in between Kelly and Rich.

            "Uhhh…hi," Rich replied as he attempted to inch away from Scott.

            "Excuse me, but not all of us are gonna fit in these seats!" Amy complained.  "I'm already squashed up against the window!"

            "No worries!  I'll sit on Scott's lap!" Jenn said cheerfully, plopping herself down.

            "And I'll sit on Kyle's lap!" Kim jumped in.  "I mean, we want our two guests to be able to have seats, right Jenn?"

            "Oh absolutely, Kim."

            Scott, the Fromie, rolled his eyes as he started the van.  Hopefully they wouldn't tip over.  Ten people in a van was a little excessive.

            "Okay, so can someone please explain who you people are and what you want with us?" Kyle asked.  "You're not gonna kill us, are you?"

            "Are you joking?!" Kim gasped.  "No way!  We're just seven fans of Lizzie McGuire, and we're called The Fromiez.  You're on a reality show called Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored.  One of our missions was to find you, kidnap you and bring you back to Fro Manor, where we live."

            "Hmm…interesting," Kyle replied thoughtfully.  "So why do you need Scott Weinger?"       

            "Good question.  Jenn, why _do we need Scott Weinger?" Kim asked her._

            "Because I LOVE HIM!" Jenn snapped as she ran her fingers through Scott's dark hair.  "You were so wonderful as Steve on Full House.  I've always wanted a boyfriend like him!" 

            "Thanks, Jenn.  It's really nice of you to say that," Scott said as he gazed up at her adoringly.  "And by the way, I _don't have a girlfriend."_

            "So Kyle, are you currently seeing anyone?" Kim asked casually.

            "Actually, no I – "

            "HUMMINA HUMMINA!" she interrupted, leaning down to give him another smooch.

            *Cut to Rachel and Dan, back at the house, by the pool*

            "Rachel, you need to come in the water!  It's great!  Come on in and swim a few laps with me!"

            "Mmm hmm," Rachel replied absentmindedly as she flipped through the latest addition of People magazine.  She checked the clock next to her and discovered that it was time to turn over.  

            "Rachel!  Are you coming in or not?!" Dan asked from the pool.

            "Sorry, but I need another half hour on my back," Rachel told him while feigning disappointment.            "But gee golly, I really wish I could!"

            "You know Rachel, sometimes I think you're being sarcastic with me," Dan said as he pushed the dripping wet hair off of his face.

            "Reallllllllly?" Rachel drawled in response as she began reading an article about the trials and tribulations of famous people in Hollywood.  "Hey Dan, did you know that Ben and J.Lo broke up?  Isn't that funny?"  But Dan had already begun swimming another fifty laps around the pool and wasn't listening to her.

            While skimming the ads in People magazine, Rachel noticed one for Purina dog chow, which reminded her that she had to feed Jenn's dogs, Sophie and Shasta.

            "DAN!" Rachel yelled from behind her cupped hands, but he was too busy swimming furiously to even notice.  "HEY DAN!" she took off her flip flop and chucked it at him.  It hit him on the shoulder and he turned around, ripping off his goggles and staring at her expectantly.  "Did you feed the dogs already or do I have to do it?"

            "What dogs?" Dan asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

            "Dude, hello?  Jenn's dogs?!  Shasta and Sophie – did you feed them?"

            "Oh, them.  No, I didn't feed them yet.  I let them out about an hour ago, though.  Come to think of it, I haven't seen them in awhile….hmm…"

            "DAAAAAN!" Rachel yelled, slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand.  "You let the dogs out?!"

            "Well, no, I didn't let them out.  But I went for a quick run around the neighborhood with the dogs and I guess I run faster then them.  Maybe it's because I'm in such good shape.  In fact – "

            "SHUT UP!" Rachel interrupted, furiously shushing him.  "Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!  Do you realize what Jenn is going to do to us when she realizes that Shasta and Sophie are missing?!  She'll murder us!  We won't ever see the light of day again!"

            "Hmm, well, I say we go out and look for those dogs now!" Dan said enthusiastically.  "I could use another run, anyway!  Come on Rachel!  We'll find them!"

            *Cut to The Fromiez on the airplane, getting ready to fly back home*

            "This is your captain speaking.  Please make sure all seats are in the full, upright position and fasten your seatbelts as we prepare for take-off.  Thank you."

            "Guys, I have the worst feeling that something bad is happening at home," Jenn said worriedly as she chewed on her nails.  "I hope Shasta and Sophie are okay."

            "Don't worry about it," Aubrey replied reassuringly.  "Dan and Rachel are good house sitters.  They wouldn't do anything stupid, like go on a run around the neighborhood and forget to bring the dogs back with them."

            "Yeah, I guess you're right," Jenn sighed and leaned her head down on Scott Weinger's shoulder.  He had consented to come back with The Fromiez, which was incredibly exciting.  They could always use an extra person to make things interesting.

            "Hey look Rich," Kee said, nudging him in the side with his elbow.  "It looks like your little girlfriend is back."

            Rich looked up to see the beautiful blonde flight attendant, Sandie, wheel a drink cart towards them.  When she saw Rich, her face broke out into a radiant smile.

            "Richard!  I'm so glad to see you!" she cried excitedly.  "I just knew that we would meet again someday!  How have you been?"

            "I've been okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders.  "How have you been?"

            "Not too bad.  I have to admit that I missed seeing you, though.  It was so great to talk to you on the plane the other day."  Rich blushed slightly and kept his eyes on he ground.  He wasn't used to this kind of attention – he wasn't hot!

            "Yeah, umm…it was nice to talk to you too," he said slowly.  "Hey Sandie, umm….so like, who are you?"

            "Who am I?  What do you mean?"

            "I guess I just mean….why do you look so familiar?" Rich asked, studying her face intently.

            "I don't know, I – "

            "Wait, a minute!  Where's Kim?!" Jenn asked, looking around frantically.  "Oh no!  And Kyle's missing too!  This can't be good!"

            "Shhh!" Kelly hissed, hitting Jenn on the arm.  "Don't make a big deal out of it.  It's probably nothing.  We can't let Bob know that there's a _slight_ chance they might be off shagging someplace."

            Suddenly, the door to the airplane bathroom burst open.  Kim and Kyle came tumbling out, landing right in the aisle next to the Fromiez.

            "Oh, um…heh heh –" Kim laughed sheepishly, trying to fix her disheveled hair.  "Hey guys?"

            They all sat there in shock for a moment, each one not sure what to do.  Finally, Jenn sprung to life and attacked the camera guy, screaming,

            "TURN THE CAMERA OFF!  TURN IT OFF!  BOB CAN'T SEE!"

            *Camera suddenly goes to black, while MTV quickly cuts to a commercial about Nick and Jessica: Newlyweds!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*

            "Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  I know I usually you as the viewer don't see me except for at the beginning of each episode, but I felt I had to step in and intervene right now.  I've heard from a reliable source that there has been some shagging going on, which is against the rules in this special case.  This is why I had to go undercover with a hidden camera and follow the Fromiez around the house – just to see what was really happening."

            *Camera fades out*

            *Cut to Bob in front of Fro Manor, wearing a camouflage suit and camouflage make-up.*

            "Hello everyone!  And welcome to my special segment here on Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  My sources tell me that Kim and Kyle participated in some illegal shag-age on the airplane on the way home, but unfortunately, the cameraman lost the video.  So now I have to check it out myself here at Fro Manor, only the Fromiez don't know I'm here!  Let's go!"

            *Camera follows Bob around the side of the house as he peeps into Scott, Rich and Kee's room*

            "Now here we have the boys' room.  If any action was taking place, it would definitely be in here.  Let's watch for a moment, shall we?"

            *Camera zooms in further and focuses on Scott unpacking his suitcase *

"Let's see, where did I put my left black sock?" Scott muttered to himself as he rummaged through the bag.  As he was searching for the missing left sock, a folded up piece of paper fell out and landed on the floor.  "Hmm…what's this?"  Scott picked up the note and read it aloud:

            _Dear Scott,_

_            Roses are red_

_            Violets are blue_

_            I know this poem is dumb_

_            But I'm in love with you._

_            Love,_

_            Your Secret Admirer_

"What the heck?!" Scott cried, dropping the note back on the floor.  Who on earth would possibly send him a letter like that?  This had to be a joke…right?  He quickly ran out of the room, leaving the scary note on the floor.

            "Hmmm…let's zoom in a little farther," Bob instructed the cameraman.  "Nothing much happening at this angle."

            *Camera zooms in even further to reveal a head of brown hair poking out from underneath the covers*

            Kim quietly walked into the room and shut the door behind her.  She was supposed to meet Kyle in here, since he was going to be staying with Scott, Rich and Kee for the duration of his stay.

            "Uh oh, here comes Kim!" Bob said, pressing his face up against the glass.  "And who is that she's looking to shag?  Hmmm?  Could it be…Kyle Downes?!  Uh oh!"

            Kim pulled the covers back and crawled in next to the warm body, but as soon as she got in there she realized it wasn't Kyle – the smell gave it away immediately.

            "RICH!" Kim yelled.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

            "What am I doing??  What are YOU doing?!" he retorted, his eyes as wide as saucers.

            "Hmmm….damn.  It just looks like Kim is going to shag Rich.  No big deal there.  You can turn the camera off now.  I guess my reliable source wasn't so reliable after all," Bob said sadly.  "Either that or those Fromiez are just way too tricky for me."

            What will happen next?  Will Shasta and Sophie be recovered?  Will Jenn and Scott Weinger get it on?  Will Rich learn the true identity of Sandie?  Stay tuned to find out!

            __


	12. Chapter 11: A Dimension of Mind, A Dimen...

Good morning/afternoon/evening to all my favorite fans of Lizzie McGuire and DBS!  Thanks for sitting through that last chapter, and thanks for all the reviews!  If you haven't answered the poll on the DBS boards (entitled Marco…POLL-O) feel free to do so, because I'm always looking for feedback and/or ideas!  KT, Lane, Lyndsey and Bibsy – this one features YOU!  Now on with Chapter 11! 

Warning: This chapter is a little quirky/insane/weird.  Go into it with an open mind and have fun!

It's 7:00!  Time for the next installment of Digital Bean Smoothie…Uncut and Uncensored!

*Theme song for the show begins to play, and yes, it's R. Kelly's "Ignition Remix," while images and sound bites accompany it, including:*

"NOOOOOOOO!"

"My love is stronger than the stench of Rich's flatulence!"

"Oh dear GOD, why did I ever agree to do this?"

"Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?"

"What the - ?!"

*Camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  I hope you all enjoyed last week's episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  It seems as if The Fromiez successfully completed their mission of kidnapping Kyle and bringing him back to Fro Manor!  They also brought another guest along, my good friend from my Full House days, Scott Weinger!  Let's get back to the house and watch as further events unfold, shall we?"

*Camera fades out as Bob salutes the audience in a cheesy way*

            "Hey Aubs, I'm gonna take the secret passage down to the library so I can do some reading.  Do you want me to bring back anything?" Kelly asked her roommate, who was currently hunched over her computer screen involved in what looked like a very intense task.  Her and Kelly had since put the business with Adam behind them and were friends again.

            "No…um…what'd you say?" Aubrey asked, not bothering to look up.

            "I said – never mind.  What are you doing anyway?" Kelly wondered as she peered over Aubrey's shoulder.

            "Oh, it's just a little Lizzie McGuire role-playing game – no big deal!" Aubrey said cheerfully.  "OH NO!  VERUCA WANTS TO MAKE OUT WITH GORDO!  AHHH!"

            "Um?" Kelly raised an eyebrow and slowly backed away.  "Oh-kay.  Well, I'll be back later," she flipped the switch for the secret passage and waited for the door to slowly creak open.  Once it did, she began walking down the length of the passage towards the library.  However, something was amiss – strange noises were coming from the end of the passage.  

            "Hello?" Kelly called cautiously, but there was no answer.  She kept walking in the dark until she nearly tripped over something blocking her path.

            "OW!" Jenn shouted from her position on the floor.  "Watch where you're going, Kelly!"

            "Oh, I'm sorry – Jenn?!  Scott Weinger?  What the hell is going on in here?!"

            "Uhhh….hey there," Scott said embarrassedly as him and Jenn detangled themselves from their lovers embrace. 

            "I can't believe the secret passage is being used for senseless shagging!" Kelly cried in shock.  "Gross!  Now, if you'll excuse me – I have to get to the library!" With a huffy sigh, she stepped over Jenn and Scott and emerged into the library, where Rich was reading a magazine.

            "You won't believe what I just saw!" she told him, angrily crossing her arms in front of her chest.  He looked up from the issue of Us weekly that featured a small, microscopic picture of Lalaine.

            "What did you see?" Rich asked in a bored voice.

            "Jenn and Scott – banging in the secret passage!"

            "Really?" Rich asked with interest.  "I didn't think Jenn liked my brother in, um, that way."

            "Not Scott as in _our_ Scott!" Kelly replied frustratingly.  "Scott Weinger!"

            "Oh," Rich returned back to his magazine.  "Well, you never know.  Scooty did receive a note from a secret admirer the other day."

            "Yeah, well, whatever!" Kelly said hurriedly.  "Um, I have to get a book now.  I mean, a snack now.  I mean – I'll see you later."  She rushed out of the library, although Rich didn't notice since he was too busy admiring the artistic moles on Lalaine's face.

            *Cut to Rich in the confessional, previously taped*

            "How can I help you, Richard?" Pat asked as he focused the confessional camera on Rich.

            "Can you fall in love with someone that you haven't really spent that much time with?" he asked Pat as he nervously twisted his hands together.  "I mean, I didn't think you could.  But –"

            "Is this about Lalaine?  Because if it is – we all already know that and I have places to go and people to see," Pat said dryly.

            "No!  It's about…Sandie," Even the way he said her name felt good.  It just seemed to roll off the tongue.  "She's a flight attendant.  I met her on the plane on the way to Canada.  We talked the whole way there, and the whole way back.  I just feel a really good connection with her, that's all.  It was sad when we had to say goodbye…"

            *Cut to Sandie and Rich's emotional good-bye scene at the airport*

            "Good-bye.  Thank you for flying with us," Sandie said with a bright smile as she stood at the edge of the gate and said her good-byes to all the passengers.  When it was Rich's turn in line, she grabbed his hand and fixated her green eyes on his face.  "Good-bye, Richard!  I'll never forget you, I swear!  No matter what happens, you'll always be my favorite!"

            "Umm, what?" Rich asked in confusion.

            "Oh, sorry.  It's just a reflex to say to men," Sandie coughed nervously.  She squeezed his hand tighter and gave him a sad smile.  "I'm so glad I met you.  Don't ever forget me, okay?"

            "Sandie – can I see you again?" Rich hoped she would say yes.  He tried to ignore the line of customers that were backed up behind him.  "Please?"

            "But Richard!  I'm a flight attendant!  I'm always working, I don't know, it's just – I'm afraid of falling in love and I'm afraid of having to go back home!"

            "But come home with me," he said pleaded desperately.  "Come live with us.  My roommates won't mind, I promise!"

            "I can't," Sandie's bright eyes slowly filled with tears.  "I know who you are, Richard.  I know where you've been.  It wouldn't work between us – there are two many forces driving us apart!"

            "What are you talking about?!" Rich cried.  "You know who I am, but I don't know who you are!  Please tell me why you look so familiar and why I feel like I know you from somewhere.  It's driving me crazy!"

            "I  - I – I'm sorry!" Sandie stammered as she let go of his hand.  "But I can't tell you now.  It's not the right time.  You have to go now."

            "Hey, what the hell is the hold up here?!" Kim yelled from behind the mob of angry passengers.  "Rich, tell your girlfriend good-bye and let's go!"

            "Sandie!  No!" He latched onto her hand and refused to let go.  "Tell me who you are!"

            "Good-bye, Richard!  I'll see you soon!"

            "No – " Rich was slowly pushed away, but he was still holding onto her hand.  He stretched her arm as far as it would go, but finally the mob of pissed off people pressed against him like a wave, and he had to let go.  He stood there, waiting for the rest of the group to catch up with him and wondered if he would ever see Sandie again.

            *Cut back to the confessional*

            "I just can't figure out why she looks so familiar," Rich said frustratingly.  "But I want to see her again.  I miss her already."

            "Don't worry, Rich," Pat said in a soothing voice.  "Everything will work out on its on time.  You'll get to see her again, and it will all be worth it in the end."

            *Cut to Fro Manor in the wee morning hours, present day.  Everyone is fast asleep in their beds.*

            Honk honk!  A bright red, shiny tricycle suddenly fell from the sky and landed right in front of the sprawling mansion.  Sat atop the incredibly cool mean of transportation were Bibsy and Lyndsey, the resident seemingly-evil-but-yet-soft hearted witches of the land.

            "Lyndsey, how many times have I told you _not_ to hit the horn?" Bibsy hissed.  "We don't want to wake anyone up, or our plan will be foiled!"

            "Heeee hee heee hee!  I'm sorry!  But like, this tricycle is really cool!  I like it!  I also like Easy-Mac!  Can we get some Easy-Mac?  I like Easy-Mac!"

            "Snap out of it!" Bibsy insisted while smacking her partner upside the head.  "You're just way too hyper for your own good, Lyndsey."

            "I know!  I know!  I know!" Lyndsey hopped around excitedly and turned a few cartwheels in the grass.

            "How I wish we could have gotten a broom," Bibsy muttered under her breath.  "But alas, we are witches on a budget."  She grabbed Lyndsey's arm and pulled her up to the front door of Fro Manor.  With a wave of her hand, Bibsy forced the door open and walked into the house with Lyndsey.  Before the alarm could sound, she quickly cast a "silencing" spell on it.  

            "_Oh wondrous alarm, you must not speak_

_            Oh boisterous alarm, it's time to go to sleep."_

Instead of shrilling loudly, the alarm did just let out a puff of smoke and shut off.  "Now, let's get started.  We have a mission to accomplish.  Lyndsey, do you have a list of the Fromiez that KT and Lane wanted us to get for them?"

"Hmmm…yeah, I think it's in my pocket somewhere," Lyndsey dug into her black cloak and pulled out some candy.  "Wow, so that's where I put my airheads!  Cool!"

"Lyndsey, you _are and an airhead," Bibsy said sarcastically.  "But it's okay.  Just find the list."_

"Here it is!" Lyndsey triumphantly pulled the list out of her pocket and waved it around in the air.  "I'll read it aloud.  Here we go!  Ahem!

_Hair of shiny brown,_

_Hardly wears a frown,_

_Obsessed with Kyle Downes,_

_Perform this task, not on a whim_

_Go and get the one whom they call Kim._

"Okay, got it," Bibsy said as she jotted notes down on her hand.  "What was that last part?  Oh yeah, obsessed with Kyle Downes.  Continue."

Lyndsey cleared her throat once more and began reading from the list again,

_Eyes of brown, a stare that scarred me_

_She's the one who's always saying "Call me!"_

_She's cute but yet somewhat tawdry_

_Go and get the one whom they call Aubrey._

"Is that all – "

"NO!" Lyndsey said loudly.  She began giggling.  "I scared you didn't I?!  Hee hee hee!  I'm so clever!  I'm also very hungry.  Oh boy munchy pumpkins!  I think it's time for some Easy-Mac –"

"Just read the list!" Bibsy interrupted as she rubbed her aching head with her hand.

"Okay, okay.  This is the last one, anyway."

_She created the Lizzie RPG_

_She loves Ben Stiller, but not me_

_Heart of ice, not so nice_

_Go and get the one whom they call Amy_

"Our mission is clear!  Our leaders have spoken, and we will get what they want!  Come along, Lyndsey!" Bibsy led the way up the spiral staircase, trying to be as quiet as possible.  She pushed open Jenn and Kim's door.  They were both sound asleep, and to make sure they stayed that way, Bibsy sprinkled a potent sleeping potion all over them.  "I'll grab Kim while you go find Aubrey and Amy.  And hurry up!"

Bibsy pulled a sleeping Kim out of bed, wrapping her arm around her neck.  She dragged her into the hallway and met Lyndsey, who was pulling Aubrey along as well as another girl who didn't resemble Amy at all.

"Where's the other one?" Bibsy demanded harshly.  "That's not her!  You grabbed the wrong girl!"

"I did?" Lyndsey looked at the sleeping Kelly.  "Hmm…I dunno."

"Put her down, you fool, and let's look for  - "  She was interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the hallway.  Suddenly, the real Amy came face to face with the two witches and dropped the glass of water that she was holding in her hand.

"Who are you?!" Amy asked in a hushed voice.

"Heh heh heh heh…" Bibsy cackled.  "So you must be Amy.  Lyndsey, drop that girl and grab this one!  We must go!"

Amy opened her mouth and let out a banshee yell that echoed off the walls of the entire house.  Suddenly, it seemed as if everyone sprang to life.  Kee, Rich and Scott's door burst open and they came running out, clad in bad pajamas and equally bad hair.

"Wha?  What's going on?!" Kee asked.  "Who are you people?"

"Lyndsey!  Grab the girls!  It's time to go!" Bibsy enveloped Kim into her cloak while Lyndsey pulled hers over Aubrey, and they magically teleported out of the hallway and back down into the yard where the tricycle was parked.

"Follow them!" Kee commanded.  The boys trampled down the stairs, leaving a sleeping Kelly on the floor of the hallway, and quickly ran after Lyndsey and Bibsy who were busy loading Kim and Aubrey onto their transportation device.  "STOP!  Put them down!"

"Heh heh heh!" Bibsy cackled once again as her and Lyndsey climbed onto the tricycle.  "See you all later!  PEACE OUT!" With that, they started pedaling the tricycle as it lifted into the air, and in one quick motion it shot forward and disappeared, leaving only a slight trail of smoke behind it.

"What the heck was that?!" Rich asked in disbelief as he watched the smoke and dust settle to the ground.  "Am I imagining things, or did two extremely strange people just take Kim and Aubrey away on a tricycle?"

"No, I saw what you saw, man," Kee said as be bent over, trying to catch his breath.  "That was insane!"

"Guys, what just happened?" Amy cried as she ran outside the house, followed by Scott Weinger who was carrying a sleeping Jenn and Kyle, who carried Kelly.  "They tried to get me, but – but – they – they – and then – "

"Amy, calm down," Scott the Fromie said reassuringly.  "Just start at the beginning and tell us what you saw."

"Well, I went to go get a drink of water and I came back upstairs – and – and one of them had Kim and the other had Aubrey and Kelly.  Then – then they said that they wanted to get _me_ and leave Kelly here, but then I screamed and – and then they just left!  And they took Kim and Aubrey!"  Amy was practically hysterical.  She was shaking and sobbing and wasn't quite sure what had happened – or why they would possibly want her.  She had an idea, but it was too scary to even talk about.

Suddenly, the MTV productions van screeched to a halt in front of the house.  All the remaining and conscious Fromiez turned and stared as Bob Saget and two of the producers came running out.

"Hello everyone!" Bob cried as he joined them on the front lawn.  "As you can tell, we have a serious situation on our hands here.  I wasn't planning on intervening, but certain events have taken place and have altered the course of our reality show.  It seems we have to add another mission, because there's no way you can continue on the show without Kim and Aubrey."

"But why would they want them?" Rich asked curiously.  "Who took them and why?"

"It's actually a very intriguing answer, and I'm so glad you asked!" Bob replied as he flashed a cheesy grin.  "It seems to me that, after a quick background check, the witches who stole Kim and Aubrey go by the names of Bibsy and Lyndsey.  They work for two women named KT and Lane, who are the supreme rulers of the Digital Bean role-playing game that our friend Amy created so very long ago."

At the mention of this, Amy flushed and slowly slunk away.  "I didn't mean for it to be like this!" she insisted.  "I only created it so we could all have fun, but then KT and Lane kicked me out and took over!  And when I say took over, I mean COMPLETELY took over!  They moved the RPG to another bizarre dimension, and started recruiting people to come join them.  Aubrey and Kim must have gotten sucked in through the internet, so then KT and Lane sent their evil henchmen to come steal them so they could all live in the other dimension together."

"It doesn't matter now, Amy," Bob insisted.  "The important thing is that we get them back.  Fromiez, I'm afraid that your mission, should you choose to accept it – and you really have no choice, is to travel to the RPG Dimension and save Aubrey and Kim."

*Cut to a commercial break!  And now a word from our sponsors!  Halloween is coming up, so buy your David Gordon wig today!  Call 1-800-FROME to buy one!  Act now, because supplies are limited!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*

"Okay, Fromiez.  It's time to go.  Is everyone ready?" Bob asked as they all stood in front of Aubrey's computer, also known as the portal which would lead them into the RPG Dimension. 

"I'll stay here and watch the house," Kyle offered.  "Besides, someone needs to stay with Jenn's dogs.  They ran away when they saw Rachel and Dan, so I think they're a little afraid of them now."

"I'm going!" Scott Weinger said bravely.  "I want to make sure everyone's okay.  And I refuse to leave Jenn's side!"

"Oh, that's so sweet," Jenn replied as she gave him a goofy smile.

"Alright, then.  As soon as I type in the web address, the portal will open and you all can enter," Bob told them in a serious voice.  Before you go, let me leave you with this thought:  you're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind, a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game!"

Bob typed in the proper URL, and before they knew it, the Fromiez had been sucked into the computer and were traveling at a rapid speed through a dark tunnel.  A mysterious voice kept whispering to them as they slid through from reality to another dimension, saying things like,

_There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game._

It seemed as if time was standing still and all they knew was flashing lights flickering on and off as they sped down into an unknown land….

_This highway leads to the shadowy tip of reality. You're on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable. Go as far as you like on this road. Its limits are only those of the mind itself. Ladies and gentlemen, you're entering the wondrous dimension of imagination. Next stop - the Digital Bean Role-Playing Game!_

Suddenly, they all spilled out into a room that looked suspiciously like the set of the Digital Bean café used in the Lizzie McGuire TV show.  To their left was a door with a sign that said "Hillridge Junior High," and to their right was a door which read "Around Hillridge."  Other doors in the hallway included "Off-Topic," "General Lizzie Discussion" and "Locker Notes."

"Where…are we?" Kelly asked as she picked herself up off the ground and looked around.  "Are we _really_ in another dimension?"

"This is creepy!" Kee whispered loudly.  He quickly moved to the back of the group because there was no way he was leading everyone into – wherever the hell this path led.  "We're like, actually _in_ the role-playing game!"

"Come on, people!" Jenn said authoritatively as she grabbed onto Scott Weinger's hand.  "We have to find Kim and Aubrey.  If we stick together, we'll be fine."

Slowly, they made their way through the long and dark hallway and past all the doors.  There was no way anyone wanted to actually open one. 

"Shh, I think I hear voices!" Kelly said as she pressed her ear up against the "Plot Discussion" door.  "Guys, they're in here.  We have to go in."

Summoning up all her courage, Kelly pushed open the door and led the Fromiez into a room with big, comfortable couches, a huge refrigerator and pictures of all the cast of Lizzie McGuire on the wall, especially Ashlie Brillault.  

"Never send a witch to do a woman's work," KT bellowed as she carried a plate of pizza to the couch and plopped down, propping her feet up on the coffee table.  Quickly, the Fromiez all ducked into a closet that was hidden against the wall in order to avoid being seen.  "Isn't that right, Lane darling?"

"Yes, of course love," Lane said as she dragged in Aubrey and Kim by the hair and threw them down on the couch.  However, they seemed to be in somewhat of a trance because their eyes were glazed over and their bodies were limp like spaghetti.  

"I can't _believe those freaking morons weren't capable of bringing us Amy as well.  I mean, what do I pay these people for anyway?" KT complained before taking a huge bite of her delicious pizza._

"We don't need her, dear," Lane reassured her.  "We've got Kim and Aubrey.  Amy was holding us back, anyway."

"Oh Lane, my beautiful luffair!" KT said as she leaned over and stroked Lane's luxurious hair.  "We are all so sexy.  We don't need Amy.  You are so right.  She is a cold, unloving wench!"

"We shall rule ze world and then we shall bang everyone and have ze biggest orgy known to man!" Lane crowed in her deliciously fake French accent.  "But first, we must do a little of ze role-playing, no?"

"Yes, my hot little muffin," KT said happily.  She pinched Kim and Aubrey and pulled them into an upright position.  "Come on, ladies.  It's time to role-play, and I _know you want to, isn't that right?"_

"Must.  Role play.  Must. Role play," Aubrey and Kim droned in an emotionless robotic voice.  They stood up and followed Lane as she beckoned them towards the door.  "We.  Must.  Role play."

"This is the scariest damn thing I have ever seen," Kelly whispered from inside the closet.  "We must stop them, or else Kim and Aubrey will just be two pawns in their sick sex games!"

"Okay, on the count of three, we bust out of the closet and overtake them," Jenn ordered.  "There are seven of us and two of them – we can definitely take them.  Ready?  One, two – three!"

Suddenly, the closet door burst open and all seven of the Fromiez rushed out.  Scott and Rich grabbed Aubrey and Kim, while Jenn and Kelly jumped on KT and Lane, taking them down to the ground.

"What is the meaning of this?!" KT growled as she shoved Jenn off of her.  "How dare you disrupt our lair!"

"Let them go, you wenches!" Kelly screamed at them.

"We are not ze wenches!  _I_ am not ze wench!" Lane said haughtily.  "I luff everyone and everyone luffs me!"

"We're not leaving here without Aubrey and Kim!" Jenn said defiantly.  "They're coming back with us to reality, and that's final!"

            "Like hell!"  KT retorted as she tossed her hot hippie hair over her shoulder.  "They belong to _us_ now and – " she stopped short as she caught sight of the good-looking man standing off to the side – Scott Weinger.  Hubba hubba and hummina hummina!  She had to have him!  "Hmmm…well, I think _something can be arranged, if you're willing to negotiate.  Lane!  Come here!  We must discuss!"_

            Lane and KT retreated to the side of the room and had a conference.  When they came back, they both had smug looks on their faces.

            "We've come to a decision," KT said as she gazed at Scott Weinger with a hungry look in her eye.  "We'll give you Kim and Aubrey if you give us _him_."  She pointed at Scott and everyone gasped.

            "No way!" Jenn screeched, clutching onto Scott's arm.  "He's MINE!  And you can't have him!"

            "Fine," KT said simply as she opened the door to reveal a swirling vortex of sights, sounds and colors.  "This is the portal back to reality.  And you can take him back to it – but _without_ Kim and Aubrey."

            The Fromiez all looked at each other, then looked at Kim and Aubrey, who were slumped over and drooling.  It just wasn't who they were, and the Fromiez couldn't bear to leave them like that.

            "I'm sorry, Jenn," Scott said apologetically as he took her hand off of his arm.  "But if saving your friends means that I have to stay in an alternate reality with two hot girls and participate in weird sex acts, then I'm afraid I'll have to sacrifice myself for that cause." 

            "But Scott- " Jenn pleaded as her eyes filled with tears.  "Don't go!  I love you!"

            "I'm sorry," he said again as Lane and KT began to run their hands all over him.

            "Mmmmm….Scott Weinger," KT whispered devilishly.  "You shall make a fine addition to our alternate reality indeed."

            "Yes, you shall become our luffair…" Lane said to him as she bit his earlobe.  "Rawwwwr!"

            Scott the Fromie and Rich made sure Kim and Aubrey got through the portal first, and then they jumped in after them, followed by Kee and then Amy.  Only Kelly and Jenn remained.

            "Come on Jenn," Kelly said, gently pulling on her arm.  "It's time to go now."

            "Noooo!  Scott!"  Jenn grasped onto his hand one last time but KT and Lane pulled him away, laughing maniacally.  

            "Goodbye Jenn!" he called to her, giving her a little wave.  "Goodbye!"

            "Scotttttttttt…." Jenn shouted as Kelly pulled her into the portal and they began to speed back to regular reality, leaving the hunk from Full House behind in RPG Dimension.

            What will happen next?  Will Adam show his face at Fro Manor again?  Will Jenn ever get over the heartbreak of losing Scott?  Will Rich see Sandie again?  Stay tuned to find out!


	13. Chapter 12: Your Love Smells Like Gas

Greetings, my darlings!  Sorry for the delay, but I've been busy with school and all that schizz.  But thanks for all of the reviews and keep 'em coming as things start to get ultra-heated!  Now on with Chapter 12!

It's  7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"It's a nice day for a…white wedding!"

"I'm not interested in hearing your petty sex talk!"

"Oh great, so I can have your butt in my face the whole night?  I PASS!"

"She's losing her mind.  And I am reaping all the benefits!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to yet another positively scintillating episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  We hope you're having as much fun as I am!  Ha ha ha!  Thanks for all of your great calls and remember that we aim to please YOU!  Last week we saw our Fromiez get sucked into an alternate reality, which, as you can imagine, made things mighty complicated!  Let's check back in with our seven DBS'ers as they attempt to recuperate from last's week horrific events!"

*Camera fades out as Bob does a little Irish dance number* 

      "Scott….Scott…..come back…Scotttt…." Jenn tossed and turned in her bed, flinging the covers onto the floor.  He was almost in her grasp – she could feel him already.  Just a little bit further and her hand would be in his…just a little bit…but no!  She didn't have him!  Suddenly, KT and Lane's fingers wrapped around him like weeds.  They twisted and grew until their fingers were enveloped around him at least twenty times.  They cackled evilly at the sight of Jenn reaching out for him, then in one quick motion, they sucked him back down into a black hole – a black hole that led to nowhere.

      "NOOOOOOOO!" Jenn cried as she shot up in bed.  She could feel the sweat dripping down her face and it took her a moment to realize where she was.  "Oh…it was just a dream."

      "Mmmphh…are you okay?" Kim sleepily asked from the bed next to Jenn's. "Did you have the Scott dream again?"

      "Yes," Jenn answered in a shaky voice.  "It's the same thing every time – I reach out for him, then right as we touch they pull him away!"

      "Don't worry," Kim said reassuringly.  "Scott is like, so yesterday.  Let him stay in that stupid alternate reality.  He doesn't know what he's missing right here!"

      "But what if I never find love again?" Jenn wondered as she brushed the tears away from her eyes.  "What if no man will ever want me?"

      "Come on Jenn, that is total crap," Kim scoffed.  "There are tons of men who would love to be with you."

      "No, there isn't!" Jenn started sobbing uncontrollably and Kim quickly handed her a tissue.  This had become a nightly ritual as of lately.  Ever since Scott had been left behind in the RPG Dimension, Jenn just hadn't been the same cheery self that she was before.

      "Jennn…." Kim rolled her eyes and flopped back down in bed.  "You know that's not true."

      "Name one man who would want to be with me!" Jenn demanded as she wiped at her eyes.  "I bet you can't even do it.  Not even Rich wants me since he found that flight attendant!  Even _he_ has someone!"

      "Jenn, trust me, there are tons of men – "

      "Name one!"

      "I'm not doing this," Kim said as she turned away pulled the covers over her.  "I always get myself into trouble when I butt into people's business."

      "See?!  I told you that you couldn't name one!" Jenn began sobbing again, louder this time.  Kim covered her ears with her pillow and sighed with frustration.

      "Alright!  Geez!  Jenn, you know that Kee is totally hot for you.  I mean, HELLO MCFLY??!  It's so obvious to everyone."

      "Really?" Jenn asked curiously before she blew her nose into her tissue.  "I don't believe that.  He's just friendly and flirty.  That's the way he is."

      "Right…" Kim said doubtfully.  "Well, you go on thinking that.  I'll go downstairs and make us some tea, and then we'll watch One Hour Photo and fast-forward to where Michael Vartan is naked.  Does that sound cool?"

      "Sure," Jenn gave Kim a tiny smile as she opened the door and headed downstairs towards the kitchen.

      It was quiet in Fro Manor as Kim descended the staircase, but as she got closer to the ground level she heard what sounded like animated talking coming from the living room.  She shuffled in and discovered Scott, Kelly and Aubrey involved in what seemed like a very heated game of Scrabble.

      "Triple word score!  Triple word score!" Aubrey shrieked excitedly as she clapped her hands gleefully.  "Add it up, Scotty.  I get 56 points for that, bebeh!"

      "Ummm, excuse me, but "zxyhmck" isn't a word, you dolt," Scott said as he removed Aubrey's tiles from the board.  "You get no points for that!  It doesn't even have any vowels!"

      "It is too a word!" Aubrey replied defiantly.  "And it has Y in it!  A, E, I, O, U – and sometimes Y!  DUH!"

      "But it's not a word!  It doesn't exist in the English language!"  Scott insisted.

      "It exists in _my _language!  Give me my points!"  Aubrey made a grab for the pencil and the score-keeping pad, but Scott held it out of her reach.  "Scooootyyyyyy!  STOPPPP!  You are such a geeijip!"  She pulled on his shirt and began climbing all over him in an attempt to reach the score pad.

      "Oh, don't you mean I'm ' "zxyhmck?'" Scott asked sarcastically but yet was trying not to laugh.  "Or maybe I'm 'ghfrtp!'  Ow, cut it out, you evil wench!"

            Kelly just sat there and crossed her arms as she watched them, an angry scowl on her face.  "Um, HELLO?!  Can we continue the game now?!  Stop being such a brat, Aubrey!"  She looked up suddenly and saw Kim standing in the doorway, watching with a very amused expression on her face.  "Oh – hi, Kim."

            "Hey," Kim said as she raised an eyebrow at the scene in front of her.  "Uhhh, what are you guys doing?  It's 3:00 in the morning!"

            "We couldn't sleep," Kelly told her.  "We've been down here all night.  It's a Battle to the Death game of Scrabble.  Care to join us?"

            "Hmm…no thanks," Kim said as she let loose a jaw-breaking yawn.  "I'm off to make some tea, and then Jenn and I are going to watch a movie.  I'll see you all later,"

            "Bye!" they all chimed together as Kim left the room.

            Once the delicious green tea had been poured into two mugs, Kim carried them upstairs back to her and Jenn's room.  However, on the way she was distracted by voices coming from Kelly and Aubrey's room.  Being the nosy person that she was, she slowed down and listened intently to who was talking.  She knew it couldn't be Kelly or Aubrey, since they were downstairs, so it had to be Amy, who was currently bunking with the two girls while she stayed at Fro Manor.

            "I just don't see what the problem is!" Amy said in a frustrated voice.  Kim pressed her ear to the door while she attempted to balance the two steaming hot teacups in her hands.  "Ben, I love you!  Don't you see that?!"

            "Ben?" Kim whispered to herself.  "As in…Ben Stiller?  No way!  It can't be…can it?"

            "Amy, I already told you!  I'm MARRIED!"  As soon as Kim heard the second voice, her suspicions were confirmed – it was indeed Ben Stiller.  But what was going on between him and Amy?

            "That didn't stop you from sleeping with me, though!" Amy hissed, to which Kim nearly dropped the tea all over the carpet.  She bit her lip to keep from breaking out in hysterical laughter.  "You told me that you wouldn't do this to me, Ben!  You told me that it was all over between you and Christine Taylor!  How could you lie to me like that!?"

            "It _is over!"  Ben said firmly.  "Except, you know…not."_

            "BEN!" Amy cried exasperatedly.  "I can't believe you!  You told me that you loved _me!  You told me that it was over and that you were getting a divorce and now all of a sudden everything's changed?  How is that supposed to make me feel?"_

            "I don't know…like a whore?" Ben suggested innocently.

            "SHHYEAH!  It sort of does!  It also makes me feel _used_!  And I don't like feeling used, Ben."  Amy was practically near tears now, and there was a long silence before Ben answered.

            "Look, I didn't mean for this to happen," he said quietly.  "I promise that we'll still be friends.  And I also promise that I won't tell anyone about us shagging in Jenn's bed."

            "Ewww…" Kim muttered as she scrunched up her face in disgust.  "Poor Jenn's bed…"

            "Ben, just get out!" Amy cried waveringly as she shoved him against the door.  "GET OUT!"

            Kim flattened herself up against the wall as Ben came rushing out of the room.  He bounded down the stairs and quickly exited out of the front door before the late-night Scrabble crew could discover his presence.

            Just as Kim made a move to run back into her room, Amy came out of hers and nearly collided with the short brunette in front of her.  They stood there for a moment, staring at each other and not sure what to say, until Amy finally broke the silence.

            "How – how, um, how long have you been there?" Amy asked casually, her eyes darting around nervously.

            "Just long enough to hear your little lovers quarrel with Ben," Kim said with a smirk.  "So spill, Amy.  How long have you been seeing him?"

            "I don't know what you're talking about!" Amy cried defensively.  "I'm not seeing Ben!  Ben who?  I don't even know anyone named Ben!"

            Kim stood there and blinked a few times.  She had just seen him run out of the room!  How could Amy sit there and deny everything?  "Dude, um, hello?  I just watched him leave.  I heard you guys talking….remember?  This all occurred like, five seconds ago?"

            "You must have been hallucinating!" Amy angrily insisted.  "I just came out of my room to go to…the bathroom!  Yeah!  And I've been alone the whole night, too!  So – so – you must have just been dreaming."

            "Whatever, Amy," Kim said with a wave of her hand.  She brushed past her and went back into her and Jenn's room, while Amy took off for the bathroom down the hallway.

            *Cut to Amy in the confessional, the next day*

            "How can I help you?" Pat asked as he focused the camera on the guilt-ridden girl in front of him.

            "I feel so horrible!" Amy wailed miserably.  "I'm in love with someone – well, I _was_ in love with someone – but he just used and me tossed me aside like yesterday's garbage!  All he wanted to do was bang me like a salvation army drum and then go back home to his wife, where he could then lay her like bricks!"

            "Umm?" Pat raised an eyebrow and coughed, trying not to laugh.  He knew he wasn't supposed to, but this girl and her interesting euphemisms were somewhat amusing.  "So you broke things off with him, I assume?"

            "Damn right I did!" Amy said with a touch of rage in her voice.  "I told him to get out and never come back.  He was all like, 'oh gee, let's still be friends' and all that shit.  What a bunch of crap!  He doesn't want to be friends!  He just wants to get into my pants!  Well, he can forget it because I refuse to be played like that!"

            "That's good that you're sticking to your guns," Pat said encouragingly.

            "I know.  I've also been trying to release my anger in other constructive ways.  There's a song that fits the occasion perfectly  - would you find if I sung it?  I only made a few minor changes so it fit the situation."

            "Go right ahead," Pat zoomed the camera in further and focused on Amy's face as she cleared her throat and picked up the guitar that she had brought in with her.

            "Okay, here it is.  This is dedicated to the man who broke my heart and stomped all over it with steel-toed boots,"  She closed her eyes and begun to strum away on the guitar.  It started off slow and sweet and somewhat relaxing,
    
            _You don't know how much I need you_
    
    _               While you're near me I don't feel blue_
    
    _               And when we kiss I know that you need me too_
    
    _               I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true_
    
    Then the song quickly changed to an angry, fast-paced frenzy of yelling,
    
    _               But it all was bullshit_
    
    _               It was a goddamn joke_
    
    _               And when I think of youuuu, Ben_
    
    _               I hope you fucking choke_
    
    Just as quickly as it had merged into an anger-fest, the song died back down to the syrupy temperament it had in the beginning,
    
    _               I hope you're glad with what you've done to me_
    
    _               I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy_
    
    _               You left me here all alone, tears running constantly_
    
    Pat almost jumped out of his seat when the song suddenly switched back into more screaming and shouting,
    
    _               Oh somebody kill me please,_
    
    _               Somebody kill me plee-ase,_
    
    _               I'm on my knees,_
    
    _               Pretty pretty please, killlll meeeee!_
    
    _               I want to dieeeeee_

_   Put a bullet in my headdddd!_

Pat sat there for a moment, completely stunned.  He wasn't sure what to say to such a personal, painful and deep expression of despair and longing.  He was definitely impressed, though.  All he could do was run his hand through his hair and let out a shaky sigh that broke the silence.

            "Ummm…" he began tentatively.

            "Do you think it was too harsh?" Amy asked.  "Because I really don't want Ben to choke because that would be sad.  I just – I don't know.  What do you think?"

            "I – uhhh, I think…I think it's…wonderful," Pat replied.  Him and Amy grinned at each other, but then Pat quickly looked away, out of fear that he himself would start thinking things that he would feel guilty for later.

            *Cut to Jenn sitting in the hot tub alone*

            "Hey Jenn," Kee said as he jumped into the hot tub next to her.  "You look sort of down, so I made you a sammich," he handed her a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich resting on it while he carried a plate with a turkey sandwich.  She took it, but yet sighed heavily.

            "Thanks, but I'm really not that hungry," Jenn replied sadly.  

            "Man, Jenn, you totally have to cheer up.  This whole Scott thing has really depressed you –"

            "But we were in love!" Jenn cried as the tears started to gather in her eyes.  She wiped them away, but her hands were wet so all she succeeded in doing was dousing her face with water.

            "Yeah, well, but think of it this way.  At least we got Kim and Aubrey back.  It would sort of suck if they had to stay in the alternate reality while the rest of us were here, you know?"  Kee told her consolingly.

            "I suppose," Jenn said as she picked at the bread of the sandwich.  "But Scott was just so sweet.  I don't think I'll find anyone like him ever again."

            "Hey, I know what you need!" Kee said suddenly as he hoisted himself out of the hot tub and ran off, calling over his shoulder, "I'll be right back!"

            A minute later, he returned with a bunch of freshly picked flowers – so fresh that the roots and dirt were still hanging off the ends of the stems.  He triumphantly presented the bouquet to Jenn, who took it with an amused expression on her face.

            "Ummm, aren't these from Adam Lamberg's garden?" she asked laughingly.  

            "Yeah, but he won't notice that they're missing," Kee said nonchalantly.  "Actually, maybe he will since I took them from his front yard.  Mmmhmm.  Oh well."

            "Thanks," Jenn said as the first genuine smile since Scott's departure spread across her face.  She picked up half of her sandwich and took a large bite while Kee dug into his own sandwich.  Maybe she was just a little bit hungry after all.

            Suddenly, the sliding glass door opened and Scott came running out.  He climbed into the hot tub next to Kee and Jenn and excitedly waved a piece of paper around in the air.

            "My secret admirer strikes again!" he said happily.  "Hmmm, I wonder who it could be…"

            "Read the letter, Scooty," Jenn demanded.  Scott snapped the paper out in front of him and began reading in an eloquent voice:

            _Dear Scott,_

_            My identity you do not know_

_            But in time my love will show_

_            So be on the lookout for me_

_            Because you and I are meant to be…forever._

_            Love,_

_            Your Secret Admirer_

"Dude, that was like…the cheesiest poem ever," Kee scoffed.  "Just narrow it down to whoever writes the lamest poetry in the house."

            "Yeah, but that could be any of the girls," Scott said knowingly.  

            "Who says it has to be someone in the house?" Jenn asked.  "Maybe it's Bob Saget!"

            "Gross, don't even joke about that," Scott replied as a long shudder ran through him.  "Here come Kim and Kyle.  Maybe they know something about this secret admirer thing."

            "What's up, people!" Kim cried as her and Kyle jumped into the hot tub.  "The party can begin now, because we're here!"

            "Yeah, or end," Kee said mockingly.  "Uhh….it's getting kind of crowded in here, guys."

            "So take your ass out," Kim retaliated as she lightly splashed him.  "Anyway, what did we miss?"

            "Scott got another letter from his secret admirer," Jenn told her.  "We're trying to figure out who it is."

            "Let me see that," Kim grabbed the poem and read it as Kyle peered over her shoulder.  "Uhh…that was so lame.  I can tell you that it's not me because I would probably just come out and say that I liked you instead of writing stupid poems."

            "Yeah, or you could be doing it to throw him off the track," Jenn teased.  

            "No way!  Besides, I've got my hummina hummina Kyle, anyway.  Isn't that right, dear?"

            "Hey, how did they get sandwiches?" Kyle asked as he hungrily eyed the peanut butter and jelly.  "I want a sandwich too.  Is there like, pool-side service or something?"

            "Anyway," Kim continued, giving her beloved an eye-roll.  "If I had any clues, I'd share them with you, Scooty.  But I'm afraid I know nothing about this whole thing, so sorry.  Where exactly did you find the note?"

            "It was underneath my pillow.  I found this morning after I came back from breakfast."

            "I saw Kelly go into the room this morning," Kyle offered, to which the whole group gasped collectively.  "Maybe _she_ put the note there."

            "Why would Kelly be my secret admirer?" Scott asked confusedly.  "I mean, I don't know.  It just doesn't make sense."

            "Don't sound too excited and all," Kim said sarcastically.  "Kelly's a great girl, so what if she's your secret admirer?  It almost seems like you want someone _else_ to be your secret admirer!"

            "Ooooh, so who does Scott have a crush on?" Jenn asked mischievously.  "Now it gets even more complicated!"

            "I didn't say I had a crush on anyone!" Scott cried defensively.  "I just _said_ that it wouldn't make sense if Kelly was my secret admirer!"

            "Well, here she comes, so you can grill her about it yourself," Jenn said.  The Fromiez shut up as Kelly made her entrance into the hot tub, looking around suspiciously.

            "Umm…what's up with you guys?" she asked cautiously.  "Why did you all of a sudden get quiet when I came up?"

            "So Kelly, were you in Rich, Scott and Kee's room this morning?" Kim asked bluntly.

            "Way to be tactful, darling," Kyle told her while patting her on the shoulder affectionately.  If the question fazed Kelly at all, she didn't show it.  She just looked at Kim strangely before answering,

            "Yeah, I was.  I had to return Rich's Lalaine CD.  Why?"

            "No reason," Kim replied casually.  "So Kelly…write any poetry lately?"

            "Okay, WHAT is going on?!" Kelly yelled irritably.  "Why are you all acting so weird and asking me odd questions?"

            "No reason," they all answered at the same time.  Kelly just sighed angrily and crossed her arms, letting a silence fall over the hot tub.

            The silence was just starting to become really uncomfortable when suddenly Rich ran outside, holding a tape in his hands.

            "Hey guys!  I found this in our mailbox!" he crowed excitedly.  "I think it might be another mission!"

            "Sweeeeet!" They all climbed out of the hot tub and quickly toweled off before heading into the living room to watch the tape.  Aubrey and Amy were already in there waiting for them.  Rich popped the tape into the VCR and soon Bob Saget's face filled up the screen.

            "Good afternoon, Fromiez.  It's me, Bob Saget.  I'm glad that you were able to complete the second mission so welll, and I'm also glad that Kim and Aubrey are back where they belong.  Good job, guys!  Now, here is your third task.  Clayton Snyder, who we all know and love as Ethan Craft on Lizzie McGuire, is throwing a Halloween party next week.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it and you really have no choice, is to go to this Halloween party in costume and somehow take a lock of Clayton's hair back with you to Fro Manor.  You must not be caught!  I will be contacting you about costumes fairly soon, since the Take It Off Costume Shop has so graciously volunteered to supply you all with festive garb.  Good luck, Fromiez.  I'll talk with you soon."

            And with that, the tape ended.

            How will the Fromiez do on their third mission?  Will Scott discover the identity of his secret admirer?  Will Amy go insane from the guilt of shagging Ben Stiller?  Stay tuned to find out!


	14. Chapter 13: Forgive Me Father, For I Hav...

Hello people!!! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter! Thanks for all of the reviews/calls! Bob appreciates it as well! Don't forget to watch Hugfest 2003 on Nick at Nite! SUPPORT BOB! Ummm…heh heh. Now on with Chapter 13!

It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"You save me and I will save the day!"

"STOP THE MADNESS!"

"I can't live without you!"

"Okay, that's it. I'm calling Bob and he's gonna go ninja on your ass!"

"I DON'T WANNA SAMMICH!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget! I know you're excited to be here, so WELCOME to another electrifying episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored! Thanks for all of your calls and suggestions, comments and questions! We really do appreciate it down here at MTV Productions! Last week we saw some very interesting interactions between the Fromiez and we also saw them receive instructions for their third mission! Let's check back in with them as they attempt to get things organized for their mission!"

*Camera fades out as Bob starts tap dancing* 

"We need a house sitter! We can't leave the Lucky Charms and the Magic Fro unguarded, you guys!" Kelly insisted as she shoved the last forkful of macaroni into her mouth. The Fromiez were just finishing up a quick, healthy and nutritious dinner of Easy Mac before heading out to the Take It Off Costume Shop to receive their Halloween costumes.

"Don't worry about it, I already took care of it," Kim said casually. "I pulled a few strings and hired the perfect house sitter for us."

"Yeah, right," Jenn grumbled. "Last time you said that, Rachel and Dan _lost_ Sophie and Shasta! My beloved doggies! At least they came back and I was so happy to see them!" Jenn reached down and rubbed the belly of one of her dogs, who began shaking her leg with happiness. "Isn't that right, my cute adorable little puppy-wuppy dog?"

"Uhhh anyway…." Kim continued on while ignoring Jenn and her strange pet names, "As it turns out, Ashley was free for the night, so she agreed to be our house sitter."

"Ashley! Yay!" Jenn cried. As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Jenn bolted up from her seat to answer it. Behind the door was the grinning and cheery face of Ashley, their fro-sitter for the evening.

"Hi there!" she said as she adjusted her artist's beret on her head and stepped into the house. "Thanks for asking me to be your house sitter! I've been working on some sketches, but sitting alone in my house just hasn't provided me with the proper ambiance, so it'll be nice to get a change of scenery!"

"Believe me, we're just glad that you could do it, because we've had some really crazy house sitters these past couple of times," Jenn replied, good-naturedly rolling her eyes. "I mean, Amy is cool and all, but she's been acting really weird lately…"

*Cut to Amy in the confessional, previously taped*

"Hi, Amy. How can I help you today?" Pat asked as he focused the camera on her. She seemed to be in a somber mood, but yet a little distressed and on edge – no doubt over the whole Ben Stiller situation.

"I'm just worried that my roommates know about me and Ben," Amy said in a hushed voice. "I mean, Kim claimed to see him leave, but I just don't know. I would DIE if any of them found out! And Ben would totally kill me! It's just so embarrassing to have to admit that you fell for an older man's charms and then got played like a CD! If my roommates found out then they would never let me forget it! And – and – and – "

"Yes?" Pat gently prompted her.

"AND I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I HATE MY LIFE!" Amy started sobbing uncontrollably as she fell forward into the surprised ordained minister's arms, crying against his shoulder and leaving salty tearstains all over his shirt. He sat there with a stunned expression on his face and let her cry for a few moments.

"It's alright, Amy…everything's going to be alright," he said soothingly. "Don't worry. No one will find out about you and Ben. It'll be our little secret, I promise. You can trust me." She sniffled and wiped her nose against his shirt, which he pretended not to notice. He just sat there and held her, stroking her brown hair and letting her bawl her eyes out.

"Th – thank you," Amy blubbered as she attempted to wipe the tears off of her face. "You're so nice…" She sniffled again and noticed that Pat smelled really good, sort of like a combination of men's cologne and a car air freshener in the scent of pine. She also noticed that his grip on her had gotten tighter. Slowly, she raised her head a little bit so that their noses were almost touching….

"JESUS HOOFUM CHRIST!" Aubrey yelled as soon as she opened the confessional room door. "I mean…" noticing Pat was in there, she quickly crossed herself and cleared her throat. "I mean, um, gee! Hello, and um, huzzah?"

"Aubrey! Hello!" Pat shrieked, his voice cracking nervously. He quickly pushed Amy off of him and stood up. "Wow, is it time for your confessional already!?"

"Uhh…yeah….but um, Aims? Can I see you outside for a moment?" Aubrey asked sweetly.

"Su – " Amy began but was immediately yanked out of the room by her roommate. "What??!"

"What the HELL are you doing?!" Aubrey hissed angrily. "The man is an _ordained minister_! Are you crazy???!"

"I know, I know!" Amy cried as she ran her hands through her hair. "I was just – um, in a delicate state of mind! Nothing happened, okay?!"

"Listen, Kim told me about Ben," Aubrey said with a heavy sigh. "So, I'm sorry about that. But you can't be hitting on the freaking ordained minister! Are you trying to buy a one-way ticket to hell or something?!"

"Km TOLD you about Ben!?" Amy yelled angrily. "What a whore! I can't believe this! This is exactly what I was afraid of! Now everyone is going to find out and I'll be ruined, Ben will be ruined - MY LIFE WILL BE RUINED!"

"Dude, you are seriously losing it," Aubrey said as she patted Amy on the shoulder. "But you really need to get a grip and stop hitting on a ordained ministers and stuff. Like for real, yo."

"I wasn't hitting on him!" Amy shouted. "Just go into your stupid…um, thing, you know - THING! Whatever! Geez!" She stalked off furiously, leaving a surprised Aubrey standing by the confessional room.

"She is losing her mind," Aubrey said evilly as she watched Amy walk away. "And I am reaping all the benefits!" She then realized that no one was paying attention to her, and she had no idea what she was talking about anyway.

*Cut to present day, Fromiez getting ready to leave*

"Well, don't worry, guys – everything will be fine," Ashley said reassuringly as she shooed the Fromiez out the door. "I'll make sure nothing bad happens to the house! You all better get going! Have fun!"

"Bye Ashley!" they all called in unison, waving to her. She smiled and waved back before shutting the door. Once they were all gone, Ashley flopped down on the couch and took off her shoes. She brought out her sketchbook and began to draw away, inspired by the environment that Fro Manor had provided.

*Cut to the Fromiez pulling up in front of the Take It Off Costume Shop*

"We are so late! Bob is gonna kill us!" Kelly cried as Scott guided the Fro Van into a parking space in front of the shop. "If only we had left earlier, and if only Jenn hadn't had to give Ashley that twenty-page manual on caring for her dogs!"

"Hey, they're _special_ dogs!" Jenn snapped. "Not just anyone can walk in and give them a milk-bone or whatever. There's a set of guidelines that must be followed!"

"Yeah, well – "

"Will you guys cool it?" Kim asked with a touch of an edge to her voice. "The point is that we're here now, so let's just get our costumes and head on over to the party."

Kelly and Jenn glared at each other, but remained quiet as they followed the rest of the Fromiez into the store, where Bob was waiting to greet them. He impatiently tapped his watch and gave the group a knowing look.

"I _believe_ that I said 6:30, people!" Bob scolded them, to which they all just rolled their eyes.

"Sorry, Bob!" Jenn said exasperatedly. "I guess it's my fault, okay?!"

"Never mind," Bob replied with a wave of his hand. "We have to get down to business. Lori, bring out the box of costumes!"

The Fromiez all gasped as a slightly familiar looking woman with brown hair and a cheesy grin brought out a cardboard box. She winked and showed it off in a typical Price is Right fashion. "Here it is, Bob!" 

"You all know Lori Loughlin, one of my co-stars from Full House, don't you?" Bob asked as he threw an arm around her shoulders.

"Yes, that's me, _Lori Loughlin_ – I played aunt Becky! Would you all like an autograph?"

"Jesus…" Kim muttered as she smacked her forehead with her hand. "Forget the autographs, can we just get on with it?!"

"Right, of course!" Lori chirped. She opened the box and brought out a basket with little slips of paper in it. "Bob and I figured that it would make things more interesting if you all drew for the costumes at random!" Lori passed the basket to Jenn, who took it with a somewhat quizzical expression on her face.

"Okay, here goes nothing…" Jenn rummaged through the paper and finally drew a slip. "Umm…Tinker Bell?"

"Yes, you shall be Tinker Bell, the character from the animated Disney movie Peter Pan!" Lori said in an announcer's voice as she handed Jenn her costume. "Now, pass the basket on to the next person."

Jenn handed the basket to Kee, who shut his eyes and shuffled the pieces of paper around before drawing one. "Dude, and I'm Peter Pan! Shaboingboing, bay-bee! Oh, wait a minute – I have to wear tights, don't I?"

"Yes, that's right!" Lori handed him the costume – green tights, a green tunic, green boots and a green hat. "You shall be Peter Pan, the title character from – "

"Yeah, I know who he is," Kee interrupted. "But I'm not wearing these tights."

"Did I forget to mention that if one of you doesn't wear ALL parts of the costume, you fail the mission?" Bob asked as he grinned and gave the camera a thumbs up sign. "Because if I DID forget, I'm mentioning it now! Ha ha ha!"

"Ughh…" Kee groaned unhappily. "Well, whatever. Jenn, do you wanna be my date to the party? I mean, I guess I should ask if you wanna be my Tinker Bell?"

"Sure," Jenn replied with a shrug. "Might as well."

Kee grinned and passed the basket on to Rich, who didn't waste any time in picking a slip of paper.

"I am…Little Bo Beep??!" His mouth dropped open in shock as the Fromiez all burst out laughing. "No way! I'm NOT dressing up as Little Bo Beep! This is insane!"

"Did I forget to mention that – "

"SHUT UP, BOB!" Rich yelled. "I'm not dressing up as a woman!"

"I'm afraid you have no choice," Bob informed Rich in that same smarmy voice. Rich just pursed his lips and angrily let the air out through his nostrils.

"FINE! But this is incredibly stupid and I don't agree with it!" He shoved the basket to Amy, who took it without much emotion.

"And I am…." She fished around in the papers, "I am…a zombie cheerleader. Oh, gee. How exciting. Ummm, ra-ra, sis-boom-bah?"

"Yes, that's right – you are this evening's zombie cheerleader! You'd love to lead your school to victory, if only you were alive! Ha ha ha!" Lori laughed as she handed Amy her costume consisting of a black pig-tailed wig highlighted with gray streaks, a cheerleading sweater and skirt covered with cobwebs and a pair of old, matted pom-poms. Amy passed the basket to Kim, who excitedly dug through the papers before drawing one out.

"Oh yay! I'm the Queen of Hearts!" she cried gleefully. 

"Yes, here you are! The Queen of Hearts, from the ever popular story Alice in Wonderland! Don't forget to say 'off with his head'!" Lori handed Kim a bright red velvet dress, a large crown and a golden scepter. She gave the basket to Kyle, who was standing next to her.

"And I'm…the King of Hearts," he read off his paper. "Isn't that wonderful – "

"Off with his head!" Kim shrieked delightedly. "I mean, just kidding – honey."

"Ha ha," Kyle laughed dryly as he took the crown, scepter and red cloak from Lori. He handed the basket to Kelly who eagerly shuffled around the remaining three papers.

"Oh boy, and I am…a Christmas elf," she said without much enthusiasm. "Uhh? Anyone want to trade?"

"Here's your costume!" Lori jumped in without letting anyone answer. She handed Kelly a short, green and red dress, a pair of red, pointy elf boots with jingle bells on them and a headband that had mistletoe attached to it. "Don't forget that headband! It's the most important part!"

"Oh yay," Kelly said sarcastically before passing the basket on to Aubrey.

"Yay! Here we go! My costume shall be…" she pulled a slip of paper out of the basket with a grand flourish. "…the moose. What the?"

"Gee, what a crappy costume," Scott said in a mock consoling voice. "I really would hate to be you right now - OW!" he yelped as Aubrey shoved the basket into his stomach. "My turn, then. I am…" he pulled the last slip of paper out of the basket. "…the moose. Ummm, what the heck?"

"This is a two person costume!" Lori told them enthusiastically, pulling out a large, furry animal costume with big antlers on the front. "All you have to do is decide who gets the front and who gets the back!" Scott and Aubrey stared at each other in horror as the rest of the Fromiez snickered. 

"I'm in the front!" Aubrey insisted, grabbing the piece with the antlers. "I'm in front, you're in back! That's the way it goes!"

"Oh great, so I can have your butt in my face the whole night? I PASS!" Scott said. "No, I think YOU have to be in the back, and I'LL be in the front!"

"Shhhyeah right! Like I want YOUR butt in MY face the whole night? Please!"

"I'd rather be Little Bo Beep than stare at your keister for six hours!"

"Yeah???! Well, I'd rather – "

"HELLO?!" Jenn interrupted. "Can't you guys just flip a coin or something? Come on, we don't want to be here all night!"

"Fine!" Scott jammed a hand into his pocket and pulled out a shiny quarter. "Heads you get back, tails I get back."

"I wanted tails!" Aubrey whined as Scott tossed the coin into the air.

"Heads! I win!" he cried triumphantly. "You're the moose's butt, Aubs."

"I wanted TAILS!" she began pummeling Scott with her fists while he started laughing hysterically at her feeble attempts to beat him up. The other Fromiez just sighed impatiently and tapped their feet on the ground, waiting for them to finish.

*Cut to Ashley, back at Fro Manor*

"Hmmm…if I erase this line, it will merge these two objects together…" she bit her lip and turned the sketch pad around, studying it intently. "I think that might work…"

Suddenly, the sound of the doorbell jerked her out of her tunnel vision. She put the sketchpad down on the coffee table and opened the door, discovering a curly-haired visitor grinning back at her.

"Hey, I'm Adam Lamberg," he said, stepping into the house without an invitation. "I think we've met before. You're...Ashley, right?"

"Yes, I am," she said frostily. She was aware of what happened between Adam, Kelly and Aubrey and she definitely wasn't impressed with Adam's antics. "What can I do for you?"

"I just came to see who stole flowers from my garden," Adam replied in a snippy tone, "I mean, if they wanted flowers they could have just asked. There was no need to take them."

"The Fromiez aren't here right now," Ashley told him. "They're out on a mission. And – "

"Well, I guess we have the place to ourselves then," Adam said with a smile as he plopped down on the couch. He patted the seat next to him. "Won't you come sit down?"

Ashley stayed where she was and crossed her arms in front of her chest. There was no way she was sitting next to this horny midget of a man. "Adam, I don't believe I invited you in, so why don't you just leave? I'm supposed to be watching the house, and I'm not sure if the Fromiez would appreciate an unannounced visitor." Adam looked slightly taken aback, as if he was shocked that this girl wasn't falling all over him.

"I don't think they'll care, it is _me_ after all," he said airily. "So why don't you just come and sit down?" It was then that Adam noticed the sketchpad sitting on the table. He picked it up and flipped through it curiously. "These are great. Are they yours?"

"Yes," Ashley said cautiously as she sat down on the couch – far away on the other end. "They're mine. I drew them."

"Well, they're really good. You must be really serious about art."

"Sort of," Ashley replied casually as she grabbed the pad back from Adam. "Perhaps you've seen more of my work – I did the portrait of Kyle on Kim's ceiling. But oh wait, you haven't slept with _her_ yet, so you probably wouldn't know," she finished bitterly.

"Uhhh…" Adam raised an eyebrow, unsure of what to say. He coughed embarrassedly and he felt the blood rising to his cheeks. "My, aren't you….um, feisty."

"I just call it like I see it," she said coolly. "Well, are you going to insist on hanging out here the whole night or am I actually going to be able to get some work done?"

"Aw, come on," Adam pleaded, turning his lower lip down in mock puppy-dog fashion. "I don't have anything to do and I'm all by myself next door. Since you're alone too, wouldn't it be nice if we kept each other company?"

"I don't mind being alone," Ashley turned away from him and began sketching again.

"Well….how about if I stay just so I can see more of your art?" he asked hopefully. "It'll be fun. It'll be like my own private art gallery. Please?"

Ashley raised her eyes over her sketchpad to meet Adam's stare. He grinned at her and ran a hand through his messy curls. "You think you're so suave, don't you?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "Fine, whatever. You can stay and look at my art, but that's all you're doing. And that's all you'll be looking _at_."

"Great! I know just what we need!" He hopped up from the couch and ran to the door. "I'll be right back! I'm just going to go next door and get us some wine!"

"Umm, I don't think so!" Ashley shook her head and laughed. If this clown thought he was going to get her slaphappy drunk so he could have his way with her, he had another thing coming. "No wine. No way."

"But it's the perfect way to discuss art!" Adam insisted. "It's just like how they do it in New York. I promise that we'll each only have one glass and that's all."

"Well….alright…" Ashley found herself saying against her better judgment. "But _one_ glass only!"

"You have my word," Adam said seriously.

*Cut to the costume shop, where the Fromiez are getting ready*

"RICH! Just come out of the stupid dressing room!" Kim said impatiently as her and the rest of the Fromiez stood outside waiting for him. She banged the door again, but still he refused to budge. "DUDE! We're going to be late for Clay's party! Come ON!"

"I'm not coming out like this!" Rich's muffled voice cried from inside the room. "I look like a dork!"

"Rich, you always look like a dork," Jenn told him comfortingly. "It's just now you have a dress on."

"Haha, maybe you should sprinkle some fairy dust on him," Kee said. "Just clap your hands three times, Rich! I _do_ believe in dorks! I _do_ believe in dorks!"

"Pshh, whatever! Kee's the one wearing green tights, Rich!" Jenn jiggled the doorknob, but it was locked. "Rich, pllleaaase! We all look stupid! Just come out of the dressing room!"

"Ughh…FINE! Do you all promise not to laugh?"

"Yes," they all said at the same time.

"Okay." Slowly, Rich opened the door and emerged from the dressing room, clad in a frilly pink dress, white tights, pink shoes and a blonde pig-tailed wig. The Fromiez all took one look at him and automatically broke their promise by laughing so loudly that the sound echoed off of the walls. "Very funny, guys! VERY FREAKING FUNNY!"

"Hahah, okay, alright," Kim said, wiping the tears from her eyes and fanning her face off with her hand. "Whooo! We'll stop. We have to go now, anyway. Do we have everyone?"

"We're still waiting on Scott and Aubrey," Kelly told her as she adjusted the mistletoe on her head.

Suddenly, there was a loud bang as a display of make-up was sent crashing to the floor by the uncoordinated and awkward moose walking towards the group.

"DAMNIT! SCOOTY! You suck!" Aubrey yelled from inside the costume. "You're not going fast enough and we keep bumping into things!"

"Well, maybe _you're_ just trying to move _too_ fast!" Scott retaliated. "Aubrey, we have to go left – LEFT, AUBS, LEFT!"

"Who-oo-aaa-aaa!" Apparently their timing was off because instead of going left, they bumped into a candy display and knocked it over, sending little miniature chocolate bars skidding across the tiled floor.

"Oh…my…GOD!" Kim said, busting out in hysterical laughter once again. "This is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life."

"SHUT UP!" Aubrey and Scott shouted at the same time from inside the moose.

"Well, shall we go?" Kelly asked cheerfully.

How will the Fromiez do on their mission? Will they successfully take a lock of Clayton's hair? Will Adam keep his promise? Stay tuned to find out!


	15. Chapter 14: 'Cause This Is Thriller, Thr...

HOW Y'ALL DOIN' Y'ALL!  Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and yes, Lori scares the hell out of me too.  But luckily she won't be making another appearance EVER, unless she's Scott's secret admirer.  Hahaha….um….now on with Chapter 14!  

It's 7:00! Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"This Sierra Mist is delicious!"

"Turn on the fan!  It smells like shit!"

"Holy mother of pearl, what did you EAT?!"

"THIS PLANE IS GOING DOWN, BABY!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget!  Welcome to yet another exhilarating and action-packed episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  Thanks for all your calls, my lovely viewers!  It's getting down to the wire here in Fro Manor as the Fromiez attempt to complete their third and final mission!  Last week, after leaving the house in the capable hands of Adam Lamberg and Ashley, we saw them receive their costumes for Clayton Snyder's Halloween party, and let me tell you, there were a few surprises in store!  Let's check back in with them as they arrive at their destination!"  

*Camera fades out as Bob does a bad version of the Macarena dance* 

       "Okay, guys, we're here.  What's the plan?" Jenn asked the rest of the Fromiez, who were clumped together on Clayton's front porch.  The sounds of music and laughter could be heard from inside the house, and the outside was appropriately decorated with various Halloween-themed ornamentation.  

            "Plan?  We're supposed to have a plan?" Kim twirled the golden scepter around in her hand and shrugged her shoulders.  "All we need to do is get a lock of hair.  How hard can that be?"

            "Oh yeah, because I'm _so sure Clay will be perfectly willing to give up a lock of his beautiful blonde hair to complete strangers," Jenn said sarcastically.  "Dream on.  No, we need a plan, people."_

            "Don't worry, I've got it covered," Kyle replied nonchalantly as he held up a pair of gleaming silver scissors.  "Me and Clay are friends, so I can get close enough to snip off a lock of hair."

            "Great!  Let's go!"  Jenn pushed the doorbell and made a last minute adjustment to her Tinker Bell wings.  The door was opened by Clay's brother, who proceeded to wave them into the house once he saw that Kyle was with the group.

            "Alright, we're in!" Kelly exclaimed as she excitedly glanced around the room.  People were bobbing for apples in one corner, while others danced to cheesy Halloween tunes like "The Monster Mash."  The inside of the house was decked out in orange and black and covered with fake cobwebs.  Everyone was in costume and wearing a mask, which presented a problem – which one was Clay?  "Guys, I don't see Clay anywhere," Kelly continued on in a panicked voice.  "He could be any one of these people!"

            "Don't worry, all we have to do is ask around – but yet be casual!" Kim said.  She grabbed the next person who walked by her, who just happened to be a man dressed up as a pirate.  "Yo, dude!  Which one of these people is Clay?"

            "So much for being casual," Jenn muttered, rolling her eyes.

            "Well, ahoy there me beauty!" the pirate expertly slurred as if he had jumped right off of the ship.  "You say you want to know which one is Clayton?  Shiver me timbers!   Didn't you land lubbers know that this is a masquerade party?  Everyone must wear a mask!"  The man quickly grabbed some punch off of the refreshment table and shoved cups into the Fromiez's hands.  "Drink up, me hearties!  Have some of this fine grog!"  He then disappeared off into the crowd almost as quickly as he had come.

            "Uhhhh…right…" Kim said as she gingerly placed the cup of "grog" back on the table.  "The only thing I got from his schpeel was that we're severely out of place because we're not wearing a mask.  That damn Bob!  He did this on purpose!  I _knew_ this mission was too easy!  The only people that have their faces covered are Scott and Aubrey, and -"

            "I want to sit down, Scooty!  My back hurts!"

            "Oh, quit whining, Aubs!  We've only been here five minutes!"

            "But I want to – " Aubrey aimed to sit in one of the chairs provided but offset the delicate balance and accidentally sent her and Scott first crashing into the chair and then onto the floor, where they became entangled in a mess of brown furry costume.

            "The moose is down, the moose is down!" Kee said loudly inside of his cupped hands.  "I repeat, the moose is down!"

            "GET OFF MEEEE!" Aubrey shouted as they attempted to disentangle themselves while still trapped inside the moose get-up.  "Ackkk!  Stand up, stand up!"  They attracted the attention of several party goers, who turned and watched in amusement as the moose writhed around on the ground.

            "Guys!" Jenn hissed angrily as she rushed over and helped them up.  "Will you _please_ pull yourselves together?!"

            "And anyway, like I was _saying," Kim continued on as she shot a glare at Aubrey and Scott which they didn't see, of course.  "We obviously can't count on _them_ to get the lock of hair, so all we have to do is try to blend in as best as we can and eventually we'll figure out which one is Clay."_

            "Everyone split up," Kelly commanded.  "We meet back here by the refreshment table in ten minutes and hopefully by then someone will have figured out who Clay is.  Then, we formulate a plan so we can get the lock of hair and get out of here.  Ready?  Go!"

            The Fromiez all split off into different areas of the room, except Aubrey and Scott, who both tried to go in opposite directions.

            "Hey, loser - we're going _left!" Scott told her authoritatively as he began to move in that direction, but Aubrey automatically tried to move right instead._

            "No, we're going right!"  She yelled in response.  "And get your butt out of my face!"

            "What am I supposed to do, Aubs?!  We can't stand up in this stupid costume!"  Being that he was somewhat stronger than her, he began to drag the moose costume left, forcing Aubrey to slide across the floor.

            "NO!  STOP IT!" she tried to hold on to something, but there was nothing to hold onto, so instead she just sprawled out on the floor, so from the outsider's perspective it looked like the front end of a moose dragging the dead weight of it's back legs.  

            "Aubrey!  Cut it out and start moving!  Whoaaaa, watch out – moose coming through!"  Scott narrowly avoided a gaggle of girls dressed up as pop stars, who stared in horror at the lame moose slogging it's way through the crowd.  "AUBREY!  We seriously look like a moose on drugs, you know!"  She just laughed in response as they made their way over towards Kim and Kyle, who were engrossed in a conversation with three masked kings and queens.

            "So anyway, like I was saying, I think that George Orwell's "1984" is a prime example of the way society – oh my GOD," Kim interrupted herself as she watched Scott and Aubrey crawl by.

            "What's wrong with that moose's back legs?" one of the guys asked curiously. 

            "Holy hell, what are you guys DOING?" Kim asked as she bent down to speak to them.  "You're supposed to act casual!"

            "Yeah, you try acting casual in a moose costume with your back end acting like a complete goober!" Scott said caustically.  "Aubrey's just _trying to spite me because we wouldn't go the direction she wanted!"_

            "No, I'm trying to spite you because I didn't want to be the moose's butt!" Aubrey's muffled voice came from inside the costume.

            "You guys are freaking nuts!"  With a wave of her hand, Kim smiled apologetically at the kings and queens and quickly dragged Kyle to another corner of the room, away from the insane moose.

            Meanwhile, Rich was busy stuffing his face at the refreshment table, where he hadn't moved from in the past ten minutes.  He had meant to, but the food just looked way too tantalizing.  He was about to shovel in his third handful of candy corn when the conversation going on next to him perked his interest.

            "So did you get to talk to Clay at all tonight?" a masked court jester asked her friend, who was dressed as Minnie mouse.

            "A little when the party first began," she replied as she ladled some punch into her plastic cup.  "I wanted to talk to him more, but he's surrounded by people all of the time.  It's like everyone's so impressed with the fact that he played some lame guy on that dumb show, Lizzie McGuire."

            "Oh, I _know!" the first girl said.  "It's like, who cares?  But he's a total hottie, so that's pretty much the only reason why I want to talk to him."_

            "Me too," Minnie mouse covered her mouth and giggled as she looked around the room.  "He's looking soooo fine in that Dracula costume.  He can suck my blood anytime!"

            At the mention of this Rich nearly spit out the punch he had been drinking.  Instead, he just began coughing furiously, attracting the attention of the two girls standing next to him.

            "Oh my god, are you - ?" the girl dressed as a court jester took in the sight of Rich dressed as Little Bo Beep and scrunched her face up in disgust.  "Umm….nice costume?"

            "Isn't that costume for _girls?" Minnie mouse asked, putting a hand on her hip and staring him down._

            "Uhhh, well – have some candy corn!" Rich said nervously as he dropped a handful on the table.  He ran off, leaving them standing there with a bewildered expression on their faces.  

            Rich quickly ran around and rounded up the rest of the Fromiez and they all gathered in a somewhat quiet corner of the room, where at least the music wasn't pumping out at full blast.

            "Guys, Clay – he's dressed up as – as – " Rich bent over to catch his breath and pulled at the elastic band of his pink dress, which was cutting off his circulation.  Being a woman was a lot of hard work. 

            "Spit it out, Rich!" Kim demanded.  "We don't have all night."

            "He's – he's – Dracula!  And the jester and Minnie mouse want him to suck their blood!"

            The Fromiez all looked at each other confusedly, trying to process what Rich had just said.  The only thing that made sense was that Clay was Dracula – and that was all they needed to know.

            "Okay, it's time for a plan!" Jenn said as she pulled he Fromiez in closer to her.  "We need someone to go and get the lock of hair as quickly and as painlessly as possible.  Kyle, it should probably be you because you actually know Clay and he won't freak out if you start talking to him."

            "I'm on it!" Kyle said immediately, giving Jenn a good-natured salute.  "I'll be right back!"

            Kyle casually sauntered up to the group of girls that were busy talking and flirting with Clayton, who was wearing an impressive Dracula costume, consisting of a long black cape with bright red trim, a black and red vest with a creepy spider print and a brooch that resembled a skeleton's head.  Kyle politely pushed his way through and flashed his old friend a big smile while making sure the scissors were hidden behind his back.

            "Clay!  Wow, I thought I'd never get a chance to talk to you!  How the hell are ya?" he cried as he reached out to shake Clay's hand.

            Clay grinned at Kyle from behind his black eye-mask, his friendly brown eyes crinkling at the corners.  "Dude, Kyle, I'm glad you could make it!  It's been going well.  How's it going with you?"

            "Excellent, thanks for asking!"  Kyle's eyes shifted around nervously as he felt the cold metal of the scissors in his hands.  Getting up the courage to snip off a lock of his friend's hair was not proving to be as easy as he had previously anticipated.  "Uhhh, sooo…great costume, by the way!  Dracula – I'm totally digging it."

            "Thanks!" Clay said as he brushed off his red and black vest.  "I was going for something original, but not too crazy.  This is unlike any Dracula costume I've seen, so I thought it was pretty cool."

            "Right, exactly.  It's – "

            "Claaaaaay!  You didn't tell me how you liked my nail polish!" some girl dressed up as a rabbit interrupted, shoving her hand up by his face.  "I painted little bunny ears on my nails!  What do you think?"

            "No!  He has to tell me how he likes this color on me!" Another girl dressed up as a belly dancer said as she twirled in a circle, the chain around her waist flashing in the light.

            Quickly, the group of girls swarmed in on Clay, each chatting incessantly about various things involving their respective costumes.  Kyle soon found himself pushed back on the outside of the group while the girls inundated him with the sound of their shrill voices.  He tried to push himself back in, but it was to no avail – they just blocked his attempts by stepping in front of him or shoving him back out of their little circle.

            "Holy crap, it's like a rock concert over there!" Kyle said breathlessly once he made his way back to the Fromiez.  "I was only able to talk to Clay for five freaking seconds!  Those girls won't leave him alone for more than that – we have to take drastic measures if we want that lock of hair!"

            "Alright, drastic measures – we can do that," Jenn replied, trying to keep her voice steady and not freak out.  "I have an idea!  Amy, go over there and pretend that you're collecting locks of hair for the, um, Wig Association of America.  Tell him that you're collecting the hair of celebrities to auction off."

            "What?!" Amy cried in disbelief.  "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

            "JUST DO IT!" Jenn yelled frustratingly, stamping her foot on the ground angrily.

            "Wow, Jenn, it's such a turn on when you're feisty," Kee told her, to which she just shot him a fierce glare.  "Mmmhmmm…right.  Okay, well…I'll go get us some punch."

            "You do that," Jenn replied irritably, giving him a typical talk-to-the-hand gesture.  "Oh, and make sure that mine has enough ice!"

            "Yes, dear! Do you have any other requests?  How about some wine and cheese?  Oh, and do you want me to pick up your laundry too?" Kee asked mockingly while attempting to pull his itchy green tights off of his knees.  "God, I hate these things!"

            "Obviously we're all a little on edge," Kim jumped in.  "Amy, just get the lock of hair so we can leave…PLEASE!"

            "Alright, alright," Amy grumbled as she broke free from the group and walked up to Clay and his lemmings.  She timidly pushed her way through, trying to blend in as much as possible.  However, once she finally was up close to Clay and saw how hot he looked in his Dracula costume, her sense of speech failed and she was merely a star struck fan, standing in front of her favorite celebrity with her mouth agape.  

            "Hey," Clay said to her, grinning broadly and showing off his perfect white teeth.  "Cool costume.  Are you having a good time?"

            "I'm – uhh – I'm – ummm – " Amy stammered, not taking her eyes off of Clay for one second.  However, pretty soon her five seconds were up, and the girls swooped down on Clay like a vulture on a dead carcass.  They grabbed Amy by the arms and roughly tossed her out of the circle.

            "Ahhhh!" she shrieked as she flew through the air and landed at the feet of the Fromiez, who were extremely surprised to see her.  "Ow…" Amy picked herself up off of the floor, rubbing her sore backside.  "Okay, that didn't go so well."

            "WE ARE SO DEAD!" Kim shrieked as she covered her face with her hands.  "Obviously, none of us are going to be able to get close enough to Clay for more than five seconds so we can swipe a lock of hair, thus ruining our mission!"

            "Wait, maybe we just need a man to go in there!" Kelly cried suddenly.

            "Uhh, hello and what am I?  Michael Jackson?" Kyle asked sarcastically.

            "No, I mean like, a man he doesn't know!  That way maybe the girls will feel intimidated and they'll back off for more than five seconds!" Kelly continued on.  "Rich, you try and go in there.  Introduce yourself to Clay and give him the Wig Association of America speech.  It's worth a shot, at least."

            "Did any of you all forget to notice that I'm in a Little Bo Beep costume?" Rich asked, gesturing to his frilly pink dress.  "But I'll give it a try anyway."  Rich marched up to the circle of sluts and pushed his way through until he was face to face with Clayton Snyder.

            "Hi, I'm with the Wig Association of America – " he began, but his time was even shorter than Amy and Kyle's had been, and the girls caught on to his act right away.  They all flocked together like a swarm of locust and lifted Rich up, pitching him back out of the circle and sending him flying.

            "Any more bright ideas, guys?" Rich asked once he returned to the Fromiez and fixed the huge wedgie that the girls had given him as they had lifted him in the air.  They all just looked at each other, their eyes wide with fear.  For once, no one could think of a single idea that would aid them in accomplishing their mission.  They only had thirty minutes to get the lock of hair or else they would fail the mission.  As they all stared at each other, the horrible thought of "will we have to give up?" crossed their minds, although no one was brave enough to actually suggest it out of fear that it might become a reality.

            *Cut to Adam and Ashley, back at Fro Manor*

            "And this is something that I drew while I was sitting from my window, watching a thunderstorm," Ashley explained as she pointed to a drawing of two people dancing in the rain.  They had smiles on their faces and it looked like they were laughing.  "They were having a picnic when it started raining, so instead of finding shelter, they just started dancing.  It looked like it was really romantic, so I just had to capture it on paper."

            "Why would anyone want to dance in the rain?" Adam asked in a condescending voice as he brought the glass of red wine to his lips.  "I mean, you'd get all wet and you might even catch a cold.  It just seems really ridiculous to me."

            "Sometimes it makes sense," Ashley said, struggling to put her explanation into words.  "You know…sometimes it just makes sense to do things that _don't_ make sense.  Do you know what I mean?"

            "No," Adam told her breezily as he stretched out on the couch and took another sip of wine.  "But I think the drawing is good."

            "Well thanks," Ashley replied dryly.  "The least you could do is _try to understand."_

            "I did try!  But it just doesn't make sense to me."

            "Does everything have to make sense to you?" she asked him with an edge to her voice.

            "Usually, yes.  If it doesn't make sense, then why bother?" Adam put his feet up on the coffee table and grinned at the girl sitting next to him.  "However, you don't make much sense.  But that just makes it all the more intriguing."

            "You're just used to girls who are complete airheads," Ashley said with a wave of her hand.  "Ooooh Adam, he's so hot!  I would give _anything to be with him!"  She said in a high-pitched, squeaky voice.  "And you totally eat up the attention, too."_

            "Yeah, and why wouldn't I?" he asked seriously.  "Oh and by the way, I'm sure Kelly and Aubrey would be thrilled to know that you're calling them airheads."

            "You know the type of girls I mean," Ashley said, scowling at him.  "I wasn't talking about them.  I was talking about those girls who follow you everywhere and are just after you because you're "cute" and "hot."  At least Kelly and Aubrey loved you to some extent, but obviously you were too busy having your cake and eating it too that you didn't notice."

            "You think I'm cute and hot?" Adam asked in a mock shocked voice, scooting closer to her.  However, she just rolled her eyes and moved farther away from him.

            "I think you're completely narcissistic and not at all amusing," Ashley replied while trying to keep a straight face.  

            "Hey, I'll take what I can get," Adam said as he shrugged and smiled to himself.  "You know, I wouldn't normally say this to a girl or even to someone I secretly despised, but I think you are really annoying."

            "The feeling is mutual," Ashley replied indifferently as she picked up her pencil and flipped to a fresh page in her sketchbook.  She sat there and began the drawing the outline of Adam's profile as they sat there in stony silence.  As she sketched away, she was vaguely aware of the sound of rain tapping away on the roof of Fro Manor.  She just ignored it and began to work on the mess of curls known as Adam's hair.

            "What are you drawing?" he finally asked, leaning over to look at her paper.  When he saw his own face, he broke out into a huge grin.  "Actually, my nose is a _bit smaller than that."_

            Ashley looked up from her work and glared at him menacingly.  "You know, it's considered extremely rude to interrupt an artist when they're in the middle of something.  Now sit back so I can get the proper angle of your jaw line."

            "Whatever," Adam leaned back against the couch and tried to sit still and look straight ahead, but he kept sneaking small glances over at the paper when Ashley wasn't looking.  As he sat there and listened to the scraping sound of her pencil against the paper, he suddenly realized that there was another sound accompanying the sounds of sketching – rain.  "Hey Ashley, may I have this dance?" he asked suddenly on a whim, not completely sure of what he was doing.

            "What?" Ashley asked confusedly, furrowing her brows at him.  "What are you talking about?"

            "Come on!" he cried, pulling the sketch pad out of her hands and dragging her out the front door.  The sounds of pouring rain got louder as they emerged into the cold and clammy air.  Adam grabbed her by the hand and whirled her around, shouting, "Dance with me!" as the water fell onto his face and hair.

            "You know, you really don't make sense!" Ashley shouted in response, throwing her head back and laughing hysterically.

            "I know," he said as he grinned and pulled her in for a kiss.

*Cut back to the Fromiez, at Clay's party*

"This…officially sucks," Kim declared as she sat slumped against the wall with the rest of the group.  They were positively exhausted after spending the whole night trying to attain the lock of hair.  "The party ends in two minutes, and we _still haven't accomplished the task.  Yep, we're gonna fail the mission."_

            "We might as well go, guys," Jenn said dejectedly.  She poked the lifeless moose laying on the ground next to her, but nothing happened.  "Besides, I think Scott and Aubrey are already asleep.  Or dead."

            "At least they finally shut up," Kelly put in, rolling her eyes.  "Well, I'm totally ready to leave - to think that I spent a whole night with this mistletoe on my head and I didn't even get kissed once!"

            Suddenly, a light bulb went off in Jenn's head.  She sat up straight and grabbed Kelly by the shoulders, staring at her with a completely maniacal expression.  "Kelly!  That's it!  You're a genius!"

            "I am?" Kelly asked, raising an eyebrow.  "Ohh-kay.  Sure, that sounds good."

            "I have a plan!" Jenn cried as she waved her hands around insanely.  "And this one is sure to work!"

            "Oh dear LORD," Kim groaned as she buried her face in Kyle's shoulder.  "Why can't we just accept defeat and move on with our lives?"

            "Listen, Kelly," Jenn continued on, ignoring Kim and her comment.  "All you have to do is go up to Clay and kiss him.  While you're doing that, reach around and snip off the lock of hair.  It's simple, short and bound to work.  You'd have plenty of time to do that before those whores get to you."

            "No way!" Kelly cried with a horrified expression on her face.  "I can't just walk up to Clay and plant one on him!  He'll think I'm nuts!"

            "Who CARES?" Jenn insisted.  "Just get the hair!  We only have one minute left!  Please, Kelly!  You have to do this – it's our last hope!"

            "Okay, alright – FINE!" Kelly raised herself up off the floor and waltzed over to Clay and his groupies.  She bravely pushed through the crowd and found herself staring up at this tall hunk of a man.  With a quick gulp, Kelly opened her mouth and said in a clear and unwavering voice,

            "I'm a Christmas elf!  You have to kiss me under the mistletoe!"

            "Wha – " before Clay had any time to finish his statement, and also before Kelly lost her nerve, she grabbed the sides of his face, pulled him down towards her and pressed her lips onto his.  She was dimly aware of the sounds of gasping coming from the girls who surrounded them, and also of the fact that, "oh my GOD – she was kissing Clayton Snyder!" but somehow she managed to casually reach around the back of his neck and snip off a lock of his soft, dark blonde hair just as the clock struck the midnight hour, signaling the end of the party as well as the end of their time.  The Fromiez all collapsed on the ground, feeling their heart rate start to slow down a bit.  They had won the mission just in the nick of time.  

Kelly quickly concealed the hair in her fist and pulled away from Clay, who was staring at her with a stunned expression on his face.  The entire group of girls was dead silent and they all looked at Kelly, completely amazed at what she had done.  Clay opened and shut his mouth a few times before finally breaking the silence.

            "Whoa," was all he said, but his eyes seemed to say everything else for him.  There was no denying the obvious sparks that flew between them when he looked her and she looked at him.

            "Yeah," she replied, just as dumbstruck as he was.  "I'm – I'm Kelly."

            "I'm Clayton," he said as he took her arm and led her away from the horde of girls who had surrounded him the whole night.  "Are you doing anything now?"

            "Actually, no.  But you can come hang out with me and my friends.  I'll introduce you – " But as soon as they approached the group, Kelly saw that there would be no point.  All of the Fromiez were passed out on the ground, already asleep and obviously feeling the effects of a long and stressful night.

            What will happen next?  Will Kelly and Clayton live happily ever after?  Will Rich ever find true love with Sandie, the mysterious flight attendant?  Will Adam and Ashley catch a cold and die?  Stay tuned to find out!


	16. Chapter 15: The Return of the Prodigal S...

HEY HEY HEY!  Dang, I can't believe we're on Chapter 15 already – where has the time gone??   Hmmm!  Well, I hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far and I just wanted to say thanks for your support!  Bob appreciates it as well, because he's a sad, pathetic and cheesy man.  Or maybe that's just me – except not a man.  Uhhhh, anyway.  On with Chapter 15!

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"Do you like Zoom, bebeh?"

"I want multiple partners!"

"Schweeeeet!"

"I have a thethy lithp!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Thank you for joining me for another thrilling episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  Last week we saw the Fromiez successfully complete their mission of taking a lock of Clayton's hair!  We also saw some interesting interactions between the house sitter, Ashley, and resident playa, Adam Lamberg!  Let's check back in with our favorite seven, no eight – counting Amy – no wait, nine – counting Kyle – NO, TEN counting Clayton, yes, TEN of our favorite Fromiez as they return from their mission!"

*Camera fades out as Bob does an Irish jig* 

      "Ughhh!  I am _so_ glad to be home," Kim moaned as she dragged herself into the foyer, collapsing on the floor.  "Just let me sleep here.  I'll see you guys tomorrow."

      "Come on, Kim," Kyle said as he wrapped her arm around his neck and began to drag her towards the stairs.  "Just a little bit farther…"

      "Oh my gosh, you guys – you have to come look at this," Jenn whispered loudly from the living room.  She motioned for all the Fromiez to join her, and they reluctantly did although most of them were half asleep.  "Isn't that cute?"

      Sitting on the couch were Adam and Ashley, both fast asleep, with Adam's head on Ashley's shoulder as she rested hers on top of his nest of wild curls.  His mouth was open just a little bit, just enough so that slight snores escaped into the air.

      "Yeah, that's so freaking cute," Kim said dryly as she attempted to stifle a massive yawn.  "Screw this, I'm outta here."  The rest of the Fromiez echoed her sentiments, although Jenn stayed behind so she could wake up the house sitter and her guest.

      "Ashley," Jenn said softly.  She gently shook her arm and roused her from a deep sleep.  "We're home now."

      Slowly, Ashley's eyes fluttered open and shook her head, trying to remember where she was and what she was doing.  "Oh, hi Jenn," she said groggily as she rubbed at her tired eyes.  "Did you all have a good time?"

      "Yeah, we had a pretty good time," Jenn smiled at the two of them.  "But I guess you guys had a good time too?"

      "I suppose," Ashley replied, shrugging her shoulders.  "I should get going, though.  Thanks for having me over."  As Ashley stood up off of the couch, her movement awakened Adam, who quickly jolted upright into a sitting position.

      "What's going on?" he asked as he ran a hand through his messy hair.  "Is it time for me to go?"

      "No, but it's time for _me_ to go," Ashley told him.  "The Fromiez are back from their mission."

      "Oh, okay," Adam stood up next to Ashley, which was a funny sight since she had a good six inches on him.  "I'll walk you home."

      "You really don't have to," Ashley replied with a wave of her hand.  "I only live a few blocks away."

      "Well, can I talk to you then?" Adam asked hopefully, focusing his blue eyes on her face.  "There's something I need to tell you."

      "Uhhh…I'll be in the kitchen," Jenn said hastily as she slowly slunk out of the room in an attempt to give them their privacy.  She wasn't all _that_ tired yet, and besides, a cup of hot chocolate and some cookies sounded pretty good right about now.

      "What is it?" Ashley asked as soon as Jenn had left.  Adam twisted his hands together nervously, trying to think of the words to express how he felt.  The problem was that he wasn't entirely sure _how_ he felt because he was fairly certain that he hadn't ever experienced anything like it before in his life.

      "It's just that…I'm sort of confused…" he began in a low voice as he avoided looking into her eyes.

      "About what?"

      "About…about me.  And you.  About us.  I mean, I'm so used to all the girls chasing me and all that.  You know, when I was filming The Lizzie McGuire Movie in Canada, it was like I could have any girl I wanted since they all wanted me.  I just became so used to that, but it was strange because I had never really had that before.  When I was just Adam Lamberg, the Jewish kid from New York, no one gave a rat's ass about who I was.  But all of a sudden, when I became David Gordon on Lizzie McGuire, it was like everything just exploded and girls wanted to be with me.  So I thought that I was this totally cool guy who didn't need to settle down and be with one person because there were just too many girls out there who wanted me.  In fact, I didn't even _want_ to settle down.  But now – "

      "But now what?" Ashley prompted him curiously.  He took a shaky breath before continuing as he finally raised his eyes to look at her.

      "I've never been in a real relationship before," he said seriously.  "But now…it's different.  And…maybe I could try?"  There was a long pause as Adam waited for a response, but got none.  "So…what do you say?"  he finally asked.

      "I say…" Ashley smiled slowly and adjusted the artist's beret on her head.  "I say…why don't you walk me home?"

      "Sure," Adam grinned back at her as he took her arm, and they walked out of Fro Manor together.

      *Cut to the kitchen*

      After indulging in a few chocolate chip cookies, Jenn slowly filled the tea kettle with water and set it on the stove.   She suddenly heard a soft cough behind her and discovered Amy sitting at the kitchen table with her chin in her hands and looking pretty dejected.

      "Amy!  Were you here the whole time?   I didn't see you," Jenn said as she sat down across from her.

      "No, I just got here.  I tried to sleep but our room is super crowded now, thanks to Kelly's special guest," Amy said forlornly as she played with the salt and pepper shakers on the table.

      "Clay's not staying with the boys?" Jenn asked.

      "No," Amy shook her head and pushed her glasses up on the bridge of her nose.  "Please!  That room is completely packed like a sardine can!  Scott, Kee and Rich can barely fit in there, and with Kyle it just makes it even _more_ crowded.  There's no way Clay would have fit anywhere, so he's staying in our room."

      "Well, don't let that bother you," Jenn said cheerfully.  "Clay can always use one of the couches or something.  There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to sleep in your own room."

      "That's not what's bothering me," she replied, that same sadness lingering in her voice.  "Have you ever had thoughts that were completely and totally wrong to think, but yet you like thinking them anyway?"

      'Ummm….yes?" Jenn answered, not sure what direction this conversation was taking.

      "Well, if you had thoughts about say…an ordained minister…um…"

      "Wait a minute, what??!" Jenn interrupted.  "Are you telling me that _you_ have the hots for _Pat_…the ordained minister?!"

      "No!" Amy immediately cried in defense.  "This is um, a completely hypothetical situation.  Right! Yes!  It's completely and totally not me.  Let's just say that it's my friend…who shall remain nameless.  What should she do?  Should she confront him about it?  Or just wait and see if it passes?"

      "I guess I would say to talk to him about it," Jenn said honestly.  "I mean, if anyone should understand, it should be him, right?"

      "Yeah, I suppose," Amy replied.  "I guess I sort of already knew that – I mean, yeah.  I'll relay the message…to my friend."

      "You do that," Jenn said with a smile as Amy got up from the table and headed out of the kitchen.

      *Cut to the confessional*

      Amy slowly opened the door to the confessional and found Pat in there, curled up in a chair and fast asleep.  She gently shook his arm in an effort to wake him up, but he just sighed in his sleep and shifted positions.

      "Pat, wake up," Amy whispered softly as she leaned over and shook his arm, harder this time.  "I need to talk to you."

      Apparently startled by Amy's presence, Pat suddenly woke up with a start and abruptly stood up, and in the process accidentally smashed his forehead against hers.

      "Ow!" she cried, stepping back and rubbing her sore head.  "Umm…I'm sorry, did I scare you?"

      "No, no – it's fine," he said as he fumbled around on the table for his watch.  "What time is it?  Is it time for your confessional?"  he asked as he sleepily turned the confessional camera on.

      "Not exactly," Amy replied nervously.  "I just…um…" it suddenly occurred to her that this was incredibly awkward because she had no clue what to say.  It was also incredibly awkward because the man standing in front of her was dressed as a minister.  "I, um, you know – I sort of –"As Amy sat there stammering like an idiot, it suddenly occurred to her that maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing.  Maybe she somehow mistook her feelings for Pat and somehow misread the signs.  He could have just been holding her and stroking her hair because he was just a nice person and wanted her to feel better about the whole Ben situation.  Maybe they had almost kissed because…

      "I'm an idiot!" Amy suddenly blurted out.  "I misread the signs!  I thought that you liked me because of the way you held me the other day!  And then I got to thinking that I liked you too but then I also got to thinking that I _shouldn't_ be thinking that and then it just became this whole big mess!  So I'm really sorry, and I…" As she stared at him, the same thoughts kept creeping back into her head – those pesky thoughts that she had tried to deny to herself.  "And…I – I – oh god, you look so hot in that outfit…"

      The next thing she knew, she had jumped into Pat's arms and latched her lips onto his like some poisonous leech, ready to suck the blood out of its next victim.  Not sure what to do and unable to breathe, he backed up and bumped right into the table.  At the last second he was able to push the camera and various papers off of it so they could climb on top of it and continue the steamy make-out session, which to Amy's surprise, he was participating in as much as she was.

      After a few seconds, Pat suddenly detached his lips from hers and attempted to speak.  "Am – Amy – we can't do this.  We have to talk.  Let's talk now."

      "Oh, umm…" Amy suddenly realized what exactly she was doing – lying on top of an ordained minister.  On a table.  In a small room…with the camera on.  "OH MY GOD!" she quickly stood up and covered her mouth with her hands.  "What just happened?"

      They looked at each other in horror, then at the same time looked at the camera, which had recorded the whole episode. 

      "Nothing happened!  Absolutely nothing…" Pat said nonchalantly as he casually bent down and turned off the camera.  Once it was off, he screamed, "THE TAPE!  GET RID OF THE TAPE!" 

      Quick as a flash, Amy ripped open the video camera, grabbed the tape and hurriedly pulled out the long, black plastic threads until there was none left.  Then she quickly called goodnight to Pat, rushed outside and chucked the dissected tape into the woods where hopefully it would never be discovered.

      *Cut to Scott, Kee and Rich's room*

      "Hey guys!  Check it out!  I got another letter from my secret admirer!" Scott said triumphantly as he waved a piece of paper around in the air.  "I found it in the bathroom near my toothbrush."

      "Ughhh…" Kee and Rich groaned in response.  They placed their pillows over their heads, anxious to go to sleep after a long day.  Their other roommate, Kyle, was already passed out on the floor and snoring away.

      "Don't you want to know what it says?" Scott asked.

      "NO!" Rich shouted as he let out a jaw-breaking yawn.  "I'm going to sleep.  It's 3:30 in the morning!"

            "Dear Scott," he began, to which everyone just groaned again.

            _Dear Scott,_

_            The Magic Fro knows all_

_            And soon my identity will be revealed_

_            Meet me downstairs at 4._

_            Love,_

_            Your Secret Admirer_

_            "I'm gonna go ask the Magic Fro who my secret admirer is!"  Scott said happily.  He bounded down the stairs and approached the all mighty Magic Fro, which was sitting prettily in its glass case atop the mantel.  "Oh Magic Fro, tell me – who is my secret admirer?"_

            After a few seconds, the Magic Fro sputtered to life and began speaking in a high-pitched and eerie voice.  "Ooooooo Scott, youuuuuu come to meeeeee because you seek the truuuuuuuuuth.  I can only tell yoouuuuuuu that the one who loves youuuuuu has a name that ends in y."  With that, the Magic Fro stopped talking and went back into its state of slumber.

            "A name that ends in y?  Hmmm…." Scott tapped his finger on his chin in thought.  "That could be Kelly, Amy or Aubrey…but that doesn't make sense.  Or does it?  Which one is it??"  He checked his watch.  "I have 15 minutes before she shows up…"

            Suddenly, the doorbell chimed throughout the house, causing Scott to nearly jump out of his skin.  "Maybe it's her!  Maybe she's early!" he ran to the door and opened it, only to discover a blonde-haired, green-eyed flight attendant staring back at him.  "Umm…Sandie?  You're not my secret admirer…are you?"

            "Umm…no?" she said confusedly.  "But I'm looking for Richard.  Is he here?"

            "Yeah, sure…come on in."  Scott held the door open for her as she cautiously walked into the house.  The sound of the doorbell had attracted the attention of Kee, Jenn, Clay, Kim and Kyle, who all came walking sleepily down the stairs.

            "What the HELL is going on?" Kim asked angrily as she shuffled into the foyer.  "Who's ringing the doorbell at 3:47 am?!"

            "I'm looking for Richard," Sandie said again, louder this time.  "Please, may I see him?  I just got back from a flight from Finland and he's all I've been thinking about!"

            "Uhh…yeah, okay – whatever," Kim answered.  "RICH!" she bellowed up the stairs.  "YOUR LITTLE GIRLFRIEND IS HERE TO SEE YOU!"

            Two seconds later, Rich dragged himself down the stairs in his famous Sunnydale shirt and his hair all a mess.  "What are you talking about?" he grumbled, but when he saw Sandie his mouth dropped open and he stopped dead in his tracks.  "Sandie…what are you doing here?"

            "Oh, Richard!" she rushed forward and enveloped him in a huge hug.  "I missed you so much!  I couldn't stop thinking about you and I just had to see you.  You're not mad, are you?"

            "Uhh…no…" he said, although he was somewhat bewildered.  "It's just kind of late, that's all.  But I missed you too."

            "I've decided that my past doesn't matter and that nothing matters anymore – just me and you!  We have to be together because you're the only one I've felt that special connection – ever!"

            "I know what you mean," Rich answered.  "It's just – I have to know more about you.  I feel like I've known you forever, but there's something bothering me…."

            "It's okay," Sandie told him. "I'm prepared to answer your questions now.  I wasn't before, but I decided that you can handle whatever it is that I have to tell you – "

            "It's 3:55!" Scott cried gleefully.  "I'm off to the living room!"  He pushed through the crowd and headed to meet his secret admirer.  Suddenly, he bumped into Kelly, who was coming to join the group that had gathered by the front door.

            "Scott!" she yelped nervously.

            "Kelly…" his voice trailed off as he stared at her suspiciously.  "Are you…my secret admirer?"

            "Ummm…"

            *Cut to a commercial break!  And now a word from our sponsors!  "Wal-Mart is having a sale on speedos!  Come get yours for only $3!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!"*

            "Are you my secret admirer?" Scott asked again, more urgently this time.

            "No!" Kelly insisted.  "I'm not.  But I know who is – come with me!"

            She led him back to the group standing by the door, some of whom were talking animatedly and others who were practically asleep while standing up.  Suddenly, the door burst open and then shut with a loud bang.

            "HUZZAH!" came the familiar yell and the group parted like the red sea as Aubrey strode forward and faced Scott, who was standing at the back of the group.  "Your secret admirer has arrived!"

            A hush came over all of the Fromiez as they stared first at Aubrey, and then at Scott and waited for a reaction – any reaction at all.

            "Aubrey?" he finally asked.  "You're – my secret admirer?"

            "Yes!" she replied defiantly.

            "Thank goodness," Scott said as he let out a sigh of relief.  "I was afraid it was Bob Saget."

            "Scott, I have to tell you something," Aubrey continued in a serious voice.  "I just wanted to say that…you're my American Idol.  You're my Love Connection, and you're my Full House.  You're my Real World, and you're my Star Search.  In fact, place any cheesy TV show in there, and that's you.  I love you.  Will you be my Married By America – will you marry me?"  The entire group let out a collective gasp and their heads swiveled towards Scott.

            "Hmmm…" he pretended to think this over.  "Only if you promise not to wear that wig on our honeymoon."

            "Oh!  I forgot I had this on!" Aubrey tossed the fro wig into the air and jumped into his arms, while the rest of the Fromiez cheered and clapped.

            "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Kim shouted happily.  "I'm going to bed!  PEACE OUT!"

            Stay tuned for Scott and Aubrey's wedding and also for a few other surprises!


	17. Chapter 16: It's A Nice Day For A White ...

WELCOME TO CHAPTER 16, MY CHILDREN!  Buhahahha!  Sorry for the delay, but everyone was giving me such great ideas, I had to figure out how I could incorporate everything – so I hope this turned out okay!  Enjoy!

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE…AGAIN!"

"Don't touch her, you perverted little bastard!"

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAK!"

"Oh dear lord…"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  I'm here because I bring to you, the viewer, another action-packed episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored, but also because they pay me to be here.  Ha ha ha!  I crack me up!  Anywayyy…last week we saw the return of Sandie, a mysterious woman who knows the best brands of airline peanuts!  As Kim would say, hummina hummina!  We also saw Scott and Aubrey become betrothed!  Cue the "awww" track!  And now let's check in with our Fro Crew a few weeks later, right on W-Day!  That's "wedding day," in case some of you are a little slow…ha ha ha!"

*Camera fades out as Bob starts vogue-ing* 

      "Hair curlers!  We need hair curlers!"  Jenn shouted as she dragged an overwhelmed Aubrey over to a chair in front of her mirror and plunked her down.  "KIM!  WHERE ARE YOU?"

      "Yo Jenn, I'm here!" Kim shouted back as she poked her head into Aubrey's room.  

      "Go get the curlers!"

      "I thought we were using the curling _iron_?" Kim asked confusedly, scratching her head.

      "We're using both!" Jenn replied frustratingly.  She quickly ran a brush through Aubrey's hair but hit a snag, causing her to cry out in pain.  "Hold still!  Your hair has a gigantic knot!"

      "Owww…that HURTS!" Aubrey shrieked as Jenn ripped the brush through her long, brown hair.  "My scalp is sensitive!"

      Kelly suddenly mysteriously appeared in the doorway and raised her eyebrows at Aubrey and Jenn.  "Uhh, hey guys. Kee wants to know how many chairs to set up…in the living room…." She added nonchalantly.

"What do you mean, _in the living room_?" Aubrey asked in a panicked voice.  "We're not getting married in the living room!  We're getting married OUTSIDE!  In the fresh AIR!  With the birds chirping and all that other crap!"

"Uhhh, I hate to break it to you, Aubs – but it just started raining," Kelly told her.

      "NO!" Aubrey yelled, trying to stand up but Jenn quickly pushed her back down.  "WE CAN'T GET MARRIED IN THE HOUSE!  This is CRAZY!"

      "Aubrey, stay still!" Jenn snapped.  "I can't brush out these unruly knots unless you quit squirming!"

      "Hey Kelly, can I talk to you for a minute?" Rich asked as he came up behind her.  "Oh, hi guys.  Aubs, you look great!  Are you getting married in those pajamas?"

      "GO AWAY, RICH!" Aubrey screamed at him.  She was dressed in her ducky pajama bottoms with matching button down shirt and bunny slippers.  The last thing she wanted was a camera crew in her face and Rich making stupid comments.  Especially while she had no make-up on and just looked like she rolled out of bed.

      "Okay, but that's no way to talk to your future brother-in-law.  In fact – " he was cut off as Jenn slammed the door in his face.

      "What is it, Rich?!" Kelly asked anxiously.  "I have to go downstairs and help Kee set up."

      "Ummm…I'm not quite sure how to say this, but uh…"

      "Just spit it out!" Kelly insisted impatiently.

      "Do you think Scott and Aubrey would be mad if someone, oh, let's say….um…losttheweddingrings," he said in a rush.

      "I'm sorry, did you just say you _lost_ the _wedding rings?!" Kelly hissed as she dragged Rich away from the door.  "How could you be so careless?!"_

      "Is that a trick question?"

      "RICH!" Kelly yelled as she pulled on her hair nervously.  "FIND THE RINGS!"  She stalked back down the stairs and nearly ran into Kim, who was coming back up and carrying a huge box.

      "Uhhh…are you alright?" Kim asked her curiously as she struggled to maintain a grip on the box.

      "Rich lost the rings!  He had them for like, five minutes and he _still_ managed to lose them!"

      "RICH!" Kim yelled much like Kelly did.  "Oh my god!  Retrace your steps!  NOW!"

      "Okay, okay," Rich muttered as he quickly ran back down the stairs after Kelly.  Kim shook her head and carried the box back into Aubrey's room, where she proceeded to dump all the contents out on her bed.

      "Jesus Hoofum Christ, Kim!" Jenn said to her in shock.  "I just asked for hair curlers!  What is all this crap?!"

      "Hair curlers, an eye-lash curler, tweezers, mascara, blush, foundation, lipstick, eye shadow, a blow dryer, an extra pair of pantyhose, clear nail polish, breath spray – "

      "And a partridge in a pear tree," Jenn grumbled.  "We just need to curl Aubrey's hair and that's it.  We'll worry about the make-up later."

      "Guys, I'm hungry," Aubrey whined as Jenn and Kim each grabbed a side of hair and began to wrap strands around the plastic curlers.  "I haven't eaten anything all day!"

      "Pass me the eyelash curler," Jenn ordered, ignoring Aubrey's feeble cries for food.  "We might as well do those now."  While keeping one hand on Aubrey's head, Kim managed to hand Jenn the metallic eyelash curler that resembled some kind of torture device.  "Open your eyes, Aubs…wider…WIDER…!"

      "OW!" Aubrey cried as she felt the tears begin to gather.  "You just poked me in the eye!"

      "Well, you keep moving around!" Jenn held the eyelash curler in place with one hand while she fastened a hair curler with the other.  "Stay still and relax.  Relax!  Calm!   Everything is good!"

      "Aubrey, we need to pluck your brows," Kim said as she grabbed the tweezers and aimed them for Aubrey's face.  "You don't want to get married looking like Bert from Sesame Street, for god's sake.  Lean forward…I almost got one…"

      "AHHHH!" Aubrey screeched.  She felt a dull throbbing sensation where Kim had just ripped out a piece of hair from the roots.  "Please stop!  Can't you people just leave me alone?!"  Before they could answer, they were interrupted by Kyle, who walked into the room carrying a bakery box.

      "We just had this delivered," he said as he opened the box and removed a delicious looking chocolate cake.  "I checked with the delivery driver and he said the cake was ordered by Susan Duff, but I figured it had to be a joke because – "

      "CAKE!" Aubrey cried enthusiastically, grabbing the box from Kyle.  While Jenn and Kim tended to her hair, she began shoving large handfuls into her mouth.  "Oh man, this is so good!  I'm _so hungry!"_

      "Ummm…" Kyle stood there and watched as a ravenous Aubrey devoured the cake.  "Are you sure you want to eat that?  I mean, if it's supposedly from Susan Duff then – "

      "Darling, can you please leave?" Kim asked sweetly.  "We're working here!"

      "But Kim – "

      "It's just a cake, Kyle!" Kim said with an edge to her voice.  "The delivery guy was probably making it up anyway.  And even if he wasn't, maybe Susan wanted to be nice and congratulate Aubrey and Scott!  What's the big deal?!"

      "Umm…oh, nothing.  Never mind.  I'll see you guys downstairs," Kyle replied as he turned and exited the room.

      "Ughh, men are so weird," Kim muttered under her breath.  "Aubs, you're getting chocolate all over your mouth!  Gross!"

*Cut to the foyer of Fro Manor*

      "Hi, welcome!  Thanks for coming!  Have a program!  How YOU doin'?"  

      "Uhhh – " a confused Rachel and Dan stared strangely at Kee as they made their way into Fro Manor.  "You know, you might want to try only _one_ greeting," Rachel told him.  "Because I think you're freaking people out."

      "Whatever, toots.  Just get to steppin' alright?" Kee replied in a snippy tone.  Rachel rolled her eyes in response and followed Dan into the living room.

      "Hi, welcome!  Thanks for coming!  Have a program!  How YOU doin'?"  Kee enthusiastically greeted Bob Saget and his date, who looked slightly familiar.

      "Hello hello hello!" Bob cried as he jumped into the house.  "What a nice day for a white wedding, wouldn't you say?" he turned to his date and winked.  "That was a pop culture reference, you know."

      "Yes love, I'm aware," Lane replied as she batted her eyelashes at Bob.  "By the way, I love what you Fromiez have done with the place.  Everything looks so much nicer when you're in someone else's dimension, you know?"

      "Hey, I know you!" Kee said suddenly.  "You're that Lane chick!  What the hell are you doing here?!"

      "I'm Bob's date, duh!" she said as if he was a moron for not knowing this.  "Me and Bob – we're _very close.  Isn't that right, darling?"_

      "Why, yes it is!" Bob stated in his cheesy announcer's voice.  "And I'm so lucky to have found her!"

      "Oh, Bob, you have such a way with words!"

      "Thanks, Lane.  Can I have a hug?"

      Kee stood there, speechless, as Bob and Lane embraced each other in the front doorway.  He felt like he had stepped into another dimension, except – he really hadn't.  Once they finally moved forward, he shook his head and got ready to greet the next guests.

      "Hi, welcome!  Have a program!  How YOU doin'?"  He said to the next group of people that came charging up to the entrance.

      "Yo, Kee.  Where the hell do we set up?" a very hot looking KT asked as she ran a hand through her dark hippie hair.  Her bright and shiny dress sparkled in the light and seemed to compliment her Converse sneakers and fishnet tights perfectly.  She gestured to the three guys standing behind her who were carrying guitars and a drum set.  "We're the band, man!  Oh, and you know one of our groupies – Scott Weinger, of course."

      "Hey," Scott said simply as he carried two speakers through the door.  "How's it going?"

      Kee ignored Scott and answered KT's question instead.  "Oh yeah, awesome!  Ummm, just head on in and find Kelly or something.  She'll hook you up."

      "Skank you very much!" KT replied as she led her band into the house.  "Let's go, guys!"

      "Yeah, no problem – " Kee suddenly did a double take as he noticed the guitar player of KT's band, who had a head full of wild curls.  "Dude, uhhh…is that Adam Lamberg?"

      "I'M NOT ADAM LAMBERG!"  he yelled frustratingly as he lugged his guitar into the house.  

      "Geez!  Touchy!"  Kee tried to avoid glaring at Scott Weinger as he made his way into the foyer, but he couldn't help it.  The guy was seriously messed up.

      "You know, I definitely don't regret staying down there in that alternate universe," Scott said with a smirk on his way in.  "KT is _so_ much better in the sack than Jenn, anyway.  Heh heh, you know what I mean?"

      "That's it!"  Kee grabbed Scott by the collar of his shirt and shoved him across the room.  "Don't talk about my woman like that, you fucker!" he yelled, busting out the New York accent.

      "SCOTT!  Quit being an ass and COME ON!" KT bellowed.  

      "Yes, dear," Scott whimpered as he followed her.

One by one, all the invited people arrived, including Bibsy and Lyndsey (who graciously checked their spell books at the door), freakymcguire, Ashley and her date, Adam Lamberg.  Right as Kee went to shut the door and go upstairs to get Kim and Jenn, a frantic looking man came running up the steps.

      "Hi!  Sorry I'm late, but the traffic was just _unbearable!"  he said as he flashed a goofy grin and shook out his umbrella._

      "And you are…?" Kee asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

      "I'm Bill Nye the Science Guy!  How the heck are you?  Did you know that you could take the pulse of an earthquake by – "

      "Uhhh…just come in!" Kee said hastily as he shoved Bill into the house and slammed the door behind him.  "Who invited you, anyway?"  Bill didn't respond right away, but instead pulled a balloon out of his pocket.

      "Say you want to blow up this balloon!  If you want to put pressure on a balloon, you don't just say, 'hey man, fill up!'  There are certain principles of physics that are involved, you know!"  Kee blinked his eyes a few times and stared at the strange man in front of him.

      "Okay, well, I'm going now – so um, yeah.  Just have a seat and umm…enjoy the wedding."  He quickly rushed upstairs and opened the door to Aubrey's room, where she was waiting with Kim and Jenn.

      "Guys, we're about ready to start now.  Everyone's here!" Kee said excitedly.  It was then that he noticed Aubrey standing there in her long, white wedding gown and her hair all pinned up in curls.  "Wow!  Aubs, you look awesome!  Shaboingboing, bay-bee!  Oh, and Jenn…you look nice, too."

      "Thanks, I'm so glad you noticed," she replied as she took his hand.  "Let's get this wedding started, dudes!"  Kim grabbed the bouquets of flowers and followed the group downstairs.  Her, Jenn and Aubrey gathered in the foyer, while Kee ran into the living room to take his stance next to Rich, who was acting as the best man.

      "Okay, here we go…we're ready to – oh crap," Jenn said urgently, looking around.  "Uhhh, where's Pat?  He's not standing next to Scott!  The minister is supposed to be standing next to Scott!"

      "I don't feel so good…" Aubrey said in a low voice as she doubled over and held her stomach.  "I feel kind of…weird…"

      "WHERE'S PAT?!" Jenn yelled, ignoring Aubrey and her obvious discomfort.  "Kim, have you seen Pat?!"

      "No!  But we kind of need him!" Kim answered frantically.  She ran a nervous hand through her hair and joined Jenn in the search – looking out windows, opening doors and shouting his name.  

      Suddenly, the door to the confessional burst open.  Pat and Amy came rushing out, adjusting hair and clothing and wiping off their mouths.  They looked sort of embarrassed as Kim and Jenn sprinted over to them.

      "DUDE!  What are you DOING?" Kim demanded as she surveyed the scene in front of her.  "Do you realize that we can't have a wedding without a minister?!"

      "I'm terribly sorry…" Pat said as he tucked his shirt back into his pants.  "Ummm, I sort of lost track of time – "

      "Oh, gross!  You were shagging in the confessional!" Jenn cried, scrunching up her face in disgust.  "That's just wrong!  Now I can't ever go back in there!"

      "We're really sorry!" Amy said apologetically.  "We just….um….well….yeah.  Sorry."

      "Whatever, let's just go!" Kim rolled her eyes and helped Pat put his jacket back on while Amy wiped the excess lipstick off of his mouth.  Pat ran down the aisle, much to everyone's amusement, while Amy casually took a seat in the back of the room.

      "Okay, let's try this again – " Jenn started.  She went to signal KT to start the music, but was instead interrupted by the front door opening and closing.  "What the – Sully and David!?  You guys are late!"

      "We came as fast as we could!" Sully said as she bent over to catch her breath.  "We have to tell you something, but we're afraid it might be too late!"

      "What is it?" Kim wondered.

      "The – the – the chocolate cake –" David stammered.  "It's – we- we weren't supposed to tell you, but we couldn't keep this a secret.  Susan baked it and it's laced with – "  THUMP.  They all followed the sound of the thump, which was Aubrey's body hitting the floor. "- tranquilizer drugs." David finished.

      "OH MY GOD!" Kim shouted, covering her hands with her mouth in horror.  "She's – she's – oh my god!"

      "Aubrey!?  Are you alright?!" Jenn asked as she knelt down next to her.  "You have to get up!  You're getting married!"  Jenn tried to lift her up, but Aubrey couldn't stand on her own two feet and instead slumped forward.  Jenn caught her and propped her upright.  "AUBREY!  Oh no…."

      "Huzzuh wuzzuh fuzzuh?" Aubrey mumbled incoherently, her eyes rolling back into her head.  "Heeehehehehhehehhehehheheeeee!"

      "We have to get her down the aisle!" Jenn said, wrapping Aubrey's arm around her neck.  "Kim, grab her other arm!   We don't have any more time!"

      "Jigerrlteosplat?" Aubrey muttered happily as Kim and Jenn hoisted her up.  "I'm a dergtyugoblinknockin, aren't you?"

      "Yes, Aubrey!" Kim growled impatiently.  "KT!  Start the wedding march!"

      "Uhh, the what?" KT asked as she looked up from magazine she was reading.  "Oh, right.  Yeah – the wedding march!  1, 2, 3, 4!  Here comes the bride…"

      "Walk, Aubrey, walk!" Jenn hissed as her and Kim dragged Aubrey's body down the aisle.  Aubrey just laughed and looked around the room as if she were seeing it for the first time.

      "Wheeeeee…….I like this room….thish room ish hot…hot like fiiiiiyaahhhh…" Aubrey's speech was becoming more and more garbled.  Kim and Jenn tried to ignore the strange stares coming from the guests and the horrified look on Scott's face when his disjointed bride-to-be approached the end of the aisle.

      "What did you do to her?!" he whispered loudly as Kim and Jenn let go of her arms in an attempt to get her to stand, but it was to no avail.  She pitched forward and Scott barely had enough time to catch her before she hit the ground again.

      "Hiiiiiii  Shhhhscootttyyy…" she said as she stared up at him with glassy eyes and dilated pupils.  "Shhhh—cooty…you're my Shh-coootyyy.  Leth get married…Thcooty…haha, Thcooty!  I have a thethy lithpth!"

      "We're so sorry, but somehow she ate a batch of tainted cake!" Kim told Scott.  "It was laced, courtesy of Susan Duff!"

      "I loooove youuuuuuuuuu….I loveeeee youuuuuuuu….eeehhhehehehhe!  Thith ith fun!  I'm having fun!  I have a thethy lithph!  And I heart you, Thcooty.  I heart youuuuu."   Aubrey laughed again and sighed heavily, her eyes slowly closing.

      "Uhhh, I love you too, Aubs,"  Scott cleared his throat and looked up at a bewildered Pat.  "Can we start now?"

      "Um, sure," Pat replied as he adjusted his collar.   "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today – "

      "YOU ARROGANT LITTLE BASTARD!"     Everyone gasped and looked up at the maniac running down the aisle – a maniac by the name of Ben Stiller.  He was being chased by his pal, Janeane Garofalo, but it looked as if she wasn't having much luck reining him in.  Ben was headed straight for Pat, and he looked like he wanted to tear his head off and eat it for breakfast.  

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!  YOU CAN'T TOUCH HER!  NO ONE CAN TOUCH HER BUT ME!"  His eyes were practically shooting flames and the crowd almost expected to see smoke coming from his ears.

**      "I'm sorry, wha – AHHHH!" Pat screamed bloody murder as Ben Stiller socked him right in the nose, crimson liquid flying everywhere.  "My nose!  MY NOSE!"**

      "Ben, YOU INSENSITIVE PRICK!" Amy yelled, getting up from her seat and charging towards Ben.  "How dare you come in here and act like a pompous asshole!"  With one swift motion, her foot made contact with Ben's groin area.  Now it was his turn to cry out in pain, and he immediately fell to the ground where he began writhing around like some injured animal.  "I hate you, Ben!" Amy continued, her eyes filling with angry tears.  "I can't believe you!  I love Pat, okay?!  I LOVE HIM!  And I don't care what you or anyone else says!"

      "I'm so sorry, Amy!"  Janeane cried.  "I tried to stop him, but he was on a rampage!  He saw the footage of you two making out in the confessional that one day – "

      "But I thought we destroyed the tape!" Amy said angrily, casting an evil glare at Bob.

      "Oh, um, did I forget to mention that we had a hidden camera in the confessional room?" Bob asked sheepishly.  "Because if I didn't, I'm mentioning it now!  Oh, and by the way – Amy and Pat, I want to see you two after this wedding is over.  You're in a whole lot of trouble."

      "Oh, shut up Bob!" Amy yelled exasperatedly as she rushed over to a bleeding and broken Pat.  She cradled him in her arms and gave him a tissue from her pocket to catch the blood.  "I'm sorry, Pat!  I'm really sorry!  It's all my fault!"

      "No, it's not," he said kindly as he held the tissue to his bleeding nose.  "I love you too, Amy.  It's illegal to love you, but I do anyway!  I'd do anything for you – I'd even go to hell for you.  In fact, I probably will go to hell now.  But I still love you!"

      "Oh, Pat!  I love you so much!"  She bent down and kissed him, while the crowd let out a collective "Awwww!"

      "A-HEM!" Scott said loudly.  "Hello?!  Remember us?  We're the ones, you know, getting married?!"

      "Oh, right!" Pat quickly stood up and shoved the tissue into his nostril so that he could perform the ceremony with two free hands.   "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today – "

      "HEE HEE HEE!  I'VE COME TO GET MY HANDS ON YOUR LUCKY CHARMS!"  The entire crowd swiveled towards the front entrance to discover a very crazed looking Susan Duff, standing there holding a shotgun and ready to attack at any moment.  "Give up the Lucky Charms, you silly Fromiez!  And give up the Magic Fro!  IT SHALL BE MINE!"

      "How did she get in?"  Kelly demanded angrily.  "Where the hell is freakymcguire?"

      "Hello, I'm here?!" he replied, waving his arms around.  "I'm at the wedding, remember?"

      "Wait, so if you're at the wedding, that means that – " Kelly didn't get a chance to finish her statement before everyone screamed loudly and pandemonium broke loose.  "GRAB THE MAGIC FRO!  TO THE PANIC ROOM!" she yelled to no one in particular.  She just hoped that people would have the common sense to follow.  Her and Clayton were one of the first ones up the stairs, followed by Kim and Kyle, Adam and Ashley and Rich and Sandie, who looked as if she wasn't entirely sure what was going on.  Kelly stayed behind in the panic room while Clayton stood outside on the stairs, herding everyone in and making sure that every guest got there safely.

      "How many people can fit in this room?" Jenn asked as she stood squished up against the wall next to Kee.

      "Umm…I think that little sign says, "maximum capacity: 3 people," he replied.  "So we should be overloaded by about…hm…twenty."

      "Great," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes.  The amount of noise in the room was insane, as everyone was talking and shouting at the same time.

      "OH GOD!" Pat shrieked as he was pushed into the room along with a massive amount of panicking people.  "I think my nose is broken…"

      "Dude, all I have to say is that nobody better let one!" Kim said in her usual non-tactful best.  "And if you do, make sure you warn us first!"

      "Where are Scott and Aubrey?!"  Kelly asked Clayton, who had just returned into the room.  

      "They're coming – "

      "Well, here we are!" Scott cried as he carried a limp and hallucinating Aubrey into the room.  "Look honey, it's our very own honeymoon suite!   Just what we always wanted!  A tight, cramped room with a million people in it! Oh boy!"

      "Jigowatyu skallapolish meat," was Aubrey's response.  "Wheeeeeeeeeeee!  There ith a purple dinothaur over there!  Hello purple dinothaur!"

      "Shall I continue the vows?" Pat asked.

      "Yeah, sure… why not?" Scott replied sarcastically.  He placed Aubrey on her feet, but she couldn't stand so instead she just slumped against him while Pat began the ceremony for a third time.

      "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the marriage of two very special people, Scott and Aubrey  - "

      "I'm Auubreeyyyyyyyy….is my name Aubreeyyyy…I'm so tireeeddddddd and I think I'm shexy…or thethy….becauth I have a thethy lithph!  And I'm thpethal!"

      "Uhhh…to celebrate the marriage of two very special people, Scott and Aubrey," Pat continued on.  "I'm told that The Fromiez have prepared a special tribute to this very special couple, so I'll turn things over to KT, who's going to sing a song in their honor."

      "Thanks, Pat," KT said as she adjusted the microphone, which was hard to do since there was barely any room for her or her band.  "Why don't the rest of the Fromiez come over and join me on this one?"  She waited while they all assembled themselves near her.  "Okay, now – this is a classic tune with a little different sort of sound to it, so I hope you enjoy.  1,2,3,4!"

      The guitars kicked in and began playing  a funky little rock and roll riff, while the drum set gave solid downbeats in typical pop-rock fashion.  After a few measures, KT and the Fromiez opened their mouths and began to sing,  

From the moment I wake up  
Before I put on my makeup  
I say a little prayer for you  
While combing my hair, now  
And wondering what dress to wear, now  
I say a little prayer for you

      *Cut to flashbacks of Scott and Aubrey's finest moments*

      "You are SUCH a dweeb!"

      "Yeah, well, you're an even bigger dweeb!"

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart  
And I will love you  
Forever, forever, we never will part  
Oh, how I'll love you  
Together, together, that's how it must be  
To live without you  
Would only be heartbreak for me

      *Cut to a shot of them leaning on each other on the way to Canada*

I run for the bus, dear  
While riding I think of us, dear  
I say a little prayer for you  
At work, I just take time  
And all through my coffee break-time  
I say a little prayer for you

      "Oh yeah, so I can have your butt in my face the whole night!?   I PASS!"

Forever, forever, you'll stay in my heart  
And I will love you  
Forever, forever we never will part  
Oh, how I'll love you  
Together, together, that's how it must be  
To live without you  
Would only be heartbreak for me

      *Cut to the last shot of the cheesy yet heartwarming montage, a slow motion shot of Aubrey tossing her fro wig in to the air and jumping into his arms*

            "Scott, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Pat asked once the song had ended.

            "I do," he answered as he struggled to hold Aubrey upright.

            "Aubrey, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

            "SHHYEAH!" she cried.

            "Then by the power vested in me, by the state of Fro and by all things related to Lizzie McGuire and Digital Bean Smoothie, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride."

            "WHOOOOO!  YEAHHHHHHHH!" Kim shouted from behind her cupped hands while KT and the band hit a few chords of Dionne Warwick's "Say A Little Prayer." 

            Aubrey tilted her head up for a smooch and absentmindedly tossed her bouquet into the air, while all the single women rushed to claim it for their own.  However, Sandie's limbs seemed to grow about five inches and she squealed delightedly when the bouquet flew into her arms.

            Will Sandie reveal her true self?  What will happen between her and Rich?  How about the rest of our couples?  Will Susan kill everyone?  Stay tuned for other exciting revelations in Fro Manor!  


	18. Chapter 17: Tell Me Who You Love, and I ...

Here we are, at yet another chapter!  It's almost over, guys!!  That's so sad!  "Boo frickedy hoo and cry me a fricken river!"  Heh heh.  Well, thanks for all the AWSHUM reviews and I hope everyone enjoys the remaining episodes.  Now on with Chapter 17!

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"He's gone insane!"

"Quick, grab the baking soda!"

"Yeah, it's official…WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Did I ever mention how much I hate you?"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to yet another stirring episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  Thanks for all of your calls!  We at MTV Productions are glad that this show is such a hit and it's all because of YOU, the home-viewer!  So I just want to say…THANKS!  Last week we saw two of our favorite Fromiez get hitched, so congrats to Scott and Aubrey!  We also left our Fromiez and their guests in a state of panic as they entered the aptly named 'panic room' in order to escape the wrath of Susan Duff!  Let's check back in with them as they attempt to _not_ kill each other while stuck in a small, confined room!"

*Camera fades out as Bob pretends to faint* 

      "Oh…my GOD," Kim complained from her cramped position of sitting back to back with Kyle.  "How much longer until we can leave this wretched room?  I mean, Susan has probably ransacked the house by now and she's not going to find the Magic Fro _or_ the Lucky Charms."

      "I figure we'll run out of air eventually," Jenn replied.  "And then we'll all die together…right here….in this room!  It's disturbing that I'm actually _welcoming_ death at any moment now."

      "You know what else is disturbing?" Kim asked in an angry voice.  She took off her shoe and chucked it at Sandie and Rich, who were cuddling together in a far corner of the room.  "_They_ are disturbing!  They've been acting all lovey-dovey for the past hour!  GIVE IT A REST, GUYS!"

      "Sandie's pretty.  I like Sandie," Rich said to her in a gooey voice as they sat there, holding hands and giving each other Eskimo kisses.  He didn't even notice the flying shoe that landed in his lap.

      "Oh Richard, you're just too cute!"  Sandie replied as she rubbed her nose against his.

      "No, _you're_ just too cute!"

      "Oh no, _you're_ definitely the cutest!"

      "HEY!  Why don't you guys get a room?!" Kyle yelled in their direction.  He suddenly stopped and thought about his last statement.  "Oh wait, never mind.  I guess that was sort of redundant."

      "Yeah, seriously," Kelly chimed in from her spot next to a scrunched up Clayton.  "Even Scott and Aubrey aren't acting like two lovesick freaks – and they just got married!"

      "Zzzzzzzzz…." was the only sound that emitted from Aubrey as she snored away, her head resting comfortably in Scott's lap.

      "Yes – I'm stuck in a small room with a million people, my wife is asleep and we're being robbed by Susan Duff!  Thanks, Bob, for making my dream wedding happen!"  Scott said sarcastically as he gave Bob a mock thumbs-up sign.

      "No problem, Scott!" Bob replied with a thumbs-up sign of his own.  "Can I have a hug?"

      "Darling, I think he was being sarcastic," Lane gently told him.  "You know what sarcasm is, don't you?"

      "No…I've never heard of it," Bob said confusedly.  "Is it something bad?"

      "Just kiss me, Bob!" Lane commanded as she grabbed both sides of his face, pulled his head down and pressed her lips onto his.

      "Oh GREAT, now we have to watch Bob make out," Kim said, scrunching up her face in disgust.  "STOP THE INSANITY!"

      *Cut to the entrance of Fro Manor*

      Gary ran up to the front door and anxiously rang the bell.  He knew that he was late, but the rain had slowed him down.  Plus, he had to have time to pick up the fruit basket that he brought as a wedding gift to Scott and Aubrey.

      He waited patiently on the front steps, balancing the fruit basket on one hip.  No sounds came from inside the house, which he thought was rather strange.  

      "Hello?  Anyone home?"  Gary asked, slowly pushing the door open and peeking into the foyer.  "Scott?  Aubrey?  Rich?  Kim?  Jenn?  Kee?  Kell – AHHHHH!"

      He was suddenly attacked by Susan Duff, who emerged from the shadows and went after her prey like an eagle swooping down on a rabbit.  The fruit basket was knocked out of his hands as Susan took him down to the ground.  She sat on top of him, pinning him to the floor, and stared at him with a hungry look in her eye.

      "Well, well, well!  What do we have here?  Another visitor?  Hmmmmmmm….very interesting!"  She cackled in an evil voice.

      "I just came for the wedding!" Gary nervously insisted.  "Please don't kill me!"

      "And _I_ just came to get my hands on the Lucky Charms!" Susan retorted.  "But I can't seem to find them anywhere!"  The look on her face gradually changed from one of complete madness to one of unbridled lust.  "Yet I think I'd rather get my hands on _your _Lucky Charms!" 

      "Uh oh…" Gary suddenly realized what was happening.  He quickly wiggled out from underneath Susan and stood up, trying to fend her off with the fruit basket.  "Back…BACK!  Stay away from me!"

      "There's nothing I find sexier than a man with a red beard…" Susan licked her lips and inched towards him, ready to pounce at any moment.

      "Susan!  You're married!"  Gary tried to reason as he backed up away from her.

      "Oh, who cares!?  Bob Duff is just a mindless robot that I use to make it look like we have a sweet, stable family!  He's not even real!  HE'S A MACHINE!  A machine built to do my bidding!"  The look in her eyes became even more crazed as she slowly crept towards a frightened Gary.  "THEY ALL DO MY BIDDING!  BECAUSE I CALL THE SHOTS!"

      "Susan, you're insane!" he cried, throwing a banana at her in attempt to get her to stop coming towards him.  She just grabbed it and ate it in two bites, so next he tried an apple, followed by an orange, a pineapple and a cantaloupe.  Nothing worked, however, because she could devour each piece of fruit in two seconds.  Eventually, Gary found himself backed up into a wall with no fruit left.

      "I haven't been with a man in 15 years!" Susan said eagerly.  "I think it's about time, don't you?!"

      "Oh God – "Gary somehow suppressed the urge to vomit profusely.  He was debating whether to knock Susan out with a blunt object or try to reason with her again when her cell phone suddenly began chiming.

      "Hello?!" she answered impatiently.  "Hilary, is that you?  You need me?  What?  That movie studio turned down our $20 million offer?  ARE THEY CRAZY?  Don't worry, honey!  I'll be right there!"  Susan angrily hung up the phone and clenched her fists.  "I'm afraid duty calls!" she growled.  "But don't worry – I'll be back!"  With that, she swooped out of the house, leaving it just the way it had been before she broke in.

      Breathing a sigh of relief, Gary hurriedly ran up the stairs in hopes that he'd find the Fromiez still alive.

      *Cut to the panic room*

      "Okay guys, let's try this again," KT said impatiently as she adjusted the microphone.  "I'll start, and then group one comes in a measure later…ready?  Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…"

      "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…" Kelly and Clayton drawled in an emotionless voice.  "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…"

      "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream…" Lane and Bob began singing cheerily.  They even managed to perform hand motions that accompanied the song.  "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily…"

      "Row, row, row your FREAKING boat down the FREAKING stream!" Kim, Kyle, Jenn and Kee jumped in.  "Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a PIECE OF CRAP!"

      "Zzzzzzzz…." was Aubrey's contribution to the song.

      "Sandie's pretty.  I like Sandie."

      "Hahaha!  Oh, Richard!"

      "THIS IS A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE!"

      "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

      "……okay…" KT said with a bewildered expression on her face once the song had ended.  "That was…good.  Yeah."

      Suddenly, a loud banging sound interrupted their music festivities.  "Hey!  Are you guys okay in there?!"  Gary shouted from outside the door.

      "GARY!  OH MY GOD!" Kim yelled as she pressed her face up against the wall.  "Susan's in the house!  You better get to safety!"

      "No, she's not!  She had to run off to meet Hilary somewhere!  Something about a $20 million deal…I don't know.  But the point is that she's gone!  You all can come out now!"

      "FINALLY!" Kim quickly unfastened all the locks on the panic room door and pushed it open, sending a whoosh of cool air into the room.  They all gratefully tumbled out, nearly knocking over a shocked Gary in the process.

      "Thank you soooooo much!" Kelly said happily.  "If you hadn't shown up, she probably would have come up here and killed us all."

      "All in a day's work," Gary replied modestly.  "Oh, um – here…congratulations," he held the empty fruit basket out to Scott, who took it with the free hand that wasn't being used to hold his wife upright.

      "Uhh…thanks…" he said, raising an eyebrow at the gift.  "It'll go great with our…uhh…other baskets.  Aubrey says thanks, too."

      "Hmmmmm…." she sighed happily in her drug-induced sleep, her head falling onto Scott's shoulder.

      "What happened to her?!" Gary asked with a horrified look on his face. 

      "You don't even want to know," Scott told him.  "Let's just say Susan Duff must be destroyed."

      "Hey, don't you guys have a plane to catch?" Jenn asked suddenly.  "Your Disneyworld honeymoon awaits!  You better get going!"

      They all quickly rushed down the stairs and helped the happy newlyweds put everything into the Fro Van.  The hardest part was loading the sleeping bride into the van, but they managed to get her into the backseat and buckled up.  Scott climbed in next to her, while Rich jumped into the drivers' seat and immediately started the engine.  

      "Wait!  I want to come with you!"  Sandie called to Rich.  She opened the door and climbed into the passengers' seat next to him.  "I don't want you to drive back alone."  Sandie leaned over, wrapping her arms around his neck and planting a long, lingering kiss on his lips.

      "Hey, hey, hey!  Break it up!"  Scott ordered as he pulled Rich's head away from Sandie's.  "Play tonsil hockey on your own time because we have to go now!  If we miss the plane, you're dead, Richard."  Scott looked down at an unconscious Aubrey, who was still asleep on his shoulder.  "Oh geez!  Aubs, you're drooling on my shirt!"

      The rest of the Fromiez and all of the wedding guests stood outside on the lawn, waving goodbye as Rich backed the Fro Van out of the driveway and sped down the street towards the airport.

      *Cut to a commercial break!  And now a word from our sponsors!  Make sure to catch reruns of Full House on Nick at Nite!  SUPPORT BOB AND DAVE AND JOHN AND CANDACE AND JODIE…but not Mary Kate and Ashley!  And now we return to our regularly scheduled program!*

      Two weeks later….

      "Look who's back!" Rich yelled to everyone in the house as he opened the front door.  "Scott and Aubrey have returned!"

      All at once, every single one of the Fromiez came rushing into to the foyer, where they enthusiastically greeted the newlyweds.

      "How was Disneyworld?" Jenn asked excitedly.  "Tell us all about it!"

      "It was the happiest place on earth!" Aubrey crowed delightedly.  "Except, you know…not."

      "We were there when Mickey Mouse was attacked by a bunch of overexcited tourists and got the crap beaten out of him," Scott said.  "So that was kind of disturbing.  But luckily Aubs didn't get into too much trouble."

      "Did you know they have hidden cameras in the Haunted Mansion?" Aubrey told everyone.  "Because we sure didn't!  I mean, because it's dark, you'd think it would be completely safe to – "

      "So anyway!" Scott interrupted as he grabbed a suitcase.  "Uhhh, we're gonna go unpack!  Come on, Aubs."

      "We'll help you guys carry all this stuff up," Kim said.  Her and the rest of the Fromiez each grabbed a bag and followed them up the spiral staircase.  Rich made a move to join the group, but Sandie grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

      "Richard, I have something to ask you," she said seriously.  "I was afraid to ask before because I thought you'd say no, but I think it's definitely time now."

      "What is it, Sandie?"

      "Well…we've been spending  a lot of time together, and I think it's safe to say that our relationship is pretty serious.  I've never had a relationship that has lasted this long, or has been so fulfilling.  That's why I was wondering if…you wanted to have dinner with me tomorrow and…meet my family?"  Sandie looked at him with a hopeful expression in her bright green eyes.

      "Yeah, of course I will," Rich replied, not sure why it was such a big deal to her.  "Why were you so afraid about asking me?"

      "Oh…well…"  Sandie's eyes darted around nervously.  "It's just…my family is…I don't…I mean…I love you!" she blurted out suddenly.  There was an awkward silence as she bit her lip, waiting for a response.

      "I…love you too?" he replied with a touch of confusion in his voice.

      "Good," Sandie breathed a sigh of relief and rushed forward into his arms, leaning her head against his chest.  "I love you, Richard.  Just remember that – no matter what happens tomorrow.  I love you."

      "Ohh-kay…" he said while he held a shaking Sandie in his arms.  More than ever, Rich was confused about who Sandie actually was and where she had come from.  He hoped that the answers would finally come at dinner tomorrow night.

      *Cut to Hooters restaurant, the next day*

      "Sandie, why are we meeting your family here?" Rich asked as he opened the car door for her.  "It just seems like an odd place to me."

      "Oh…because they have the best wings, of course!" Sandie replied nervously.  She grabbed his arm and pulled him down for a kiss.  "Just relax, Richard!  Everything's going to go wonderfully!"  she said this last statement as if she was trying to convince herself of that fact.   

      "Right…of course,"  Rich shoved a hand in his pocket and felt the small, felt-covered box that contained a diamond ring.  He was planning on proposing to Sandie at dinner, but the fact that they were at Hooters restaurant made it seem a little…non-romantic.

      "Well, here we are!"  Sandie chirped.  She grabbed the door and pulled it open.  They were immediately met at the front entrance by a scantily clad woman dressed in the typical Hooters garb.  Rich's eyes nearly bugged out of his head as he stared at the tight shirt and shorts that the woman was sporting so nicely.

      "Hi, table for two?" the woman asked.

      "Actually, we're meeting someone here," Sandie told her.  "My name's Sandie – "

      "Oh, right," the woman replied with a roll of her eyes.  "Go straight back, last table on the left."

      "Thanks,"  Sandie grabbed Rich's hand and led him to the back of the crowded restaurant.  Rich kept looking around, taking in the sights of all the people around him and wondering which group belonged to Sandie.

      "Hmm…I don't see – " Sandie muttered under her breath as she scanned the restaurant.

"HEY!  Another plate of wings, over here!" Rich turned and stared at the source of the loud, gruff and slightly familiar voice.  A large man resembling actor Martin Sheen waved his empty plate around in the air.  "Hey, sweet cheeks!  Yeah, I'm talking to you!  Come bring me another plate of hot wings, with a side of your HOT ASS!"

"Cammy?!" Rich exclaimed loudly.  "What the heck are you doing here!?"

At the mention of his name, the man looked up and noticed Rich and Sandie standing there.  He threw his napkin down and got up from the table.  Rich could feel his heart start beating faster as Cammy stalked over to them, looking as if he wanted to start a fight.

"Is this the man you wanted me to meet?" Cammy grumbled as he grabbed Rich by the collar of his shirt.  "THIS LITTLE BASTARD?!"

"Stop it!" Sandie cried.  "Just – "

"I see you've met my daughter, Sandie," Cammy growled, his breath reeking of hot wings and ranch dressing.  "So tell me, you sick puppy, how long have you been shacking up with her?!"

"Daddy, stop!" Sandie quickly stepped in between him and Rich.  "It's not like that!  I love Richard!  Our relationship is different!  It's special!"

"I'll tell you what's special!" Cammy yelled as he grabbed Rich's shirt again.  "THIS KID!  HE'S A SPECIAL CASE!  He's PSYCHO!  He's in love with a 16-year-old girl and – "

"HE'S NOT IN LOVE WITH HER!" Sandie screeched, pulling on Cammy's arm.  "He's in love with ME!  Let go of him!"

"How many times have I told you NOT to associate yourself with people who have hearts full of hate?!"  Cammy screamed at his daughter, pieces of celery spraying out of his mouth and splattering Rich and Sandie in the face.  "This guy is a special case and I've spent TWO YEARS of my life on the TV Tome boards, seeing to it that he can't infect EVERYONE ELSE with his heart full of hate!  I never would have thought in a million years that you'd be STUPID enough to fall for his sick charms!"

"I'm not stupid!" Sandie cried, her eyes filling with tears.  By now, the entire restaurant had stopped eating and was focused on the fight between the three of them.  "How can you say that to me, daddy??!  All my life I've been looking for a man like Richard, who doesn't care about who I've been with and the fact that I'm a flight attendant just so I can get away from YOU!  A man who doesn't care that I have a father who'd rather edit children's shows on the internet and watch porn than spend time with his own daughter!  Richard loves me for who I am, and I love him!  I'm sorry if you can't accept that, daddy!  But I'm not like you and I never will be!  I want to spend my life with one person and one person only!  I'm tired of thinking that I need to find comfort in men because I never had my father's love!"

"You have just fallen for his lies!  They're all LIES!" Cammy shouted.  He brought his fist back, ready to punch Rich in the face.  "I've been waiting two years for this, you pathetic excuse for a human being!"

"NO!" Sandie cried as Cammy brought his fist forward, but Rich ducked just in time and Cammy ended up swinging his fist around in the air.  In one quick motion, Rich extricated himself from Cammy's gasp and turned and ran towards the exit.  He couldn't bear to look back at Sandie, because he knew she would be upset.  But there was no way he could be with her now – there was now way he could propose to her.  The thought of being Cammy's son-in-law was just too frightening for words.

"Richard, wait!"  Sandie yelled in a wavering voice as she ran after him.  She brushed the tears from her eyes so she could see where she was going.  "Please, wait!"  But he didn't wait, he just kept going, faster and faster, until finally he reached the door and emerged into the parking lot.  Sandie stood at the entrance of the restaurant, sobbing and calling his name.

"I'm sorry!" she cried as he jumped into the van and started the engine.  "I'm sorry, Richard!"  Rich didn't bother to look in the rearview mirror at her.  He just knew he had to get out of there.  Out of instinct, he put his hand into his pocket, but discovered that the box was missing.  It didn't matter now, though.  All that mattered was getting home and trying to forget about Sandie…if that was even possible.

Will Rich and Sandie overcome their obstacles to find true love?  Will Cammy murder everyone?  Stay tuned for more exciting revelations in Fro Manor!  


	19. Chapter 18: WE'RE GONNA DIE: The Sequel

Whooo, Chapter 18!  Can you feel the excitement in the air??  I can!   Shhhhyeah!  Okay, maybe it's just me.  But yeah.  Enjoy!  Don't forget to review!  You guys are AWSHUM and I luff you all!

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from upcoming episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"And now we've come to the end of the road…"

"Bust out the Kleenex!"

"Oh my god, I'm GONNA CRY!

"WHO NEEDS A HUG??!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to another RADIANT episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  Thanks for all of your calls and suggestions!  Keep them coming as we narrow our season down!  It's been a wild ride so far, hasn't it?  Yeeee-haw!  Last week we saw Sandie reveal her true identity – that she was in fact the daughter of Cammy, the sworn enemy of her significant other, Rich!  Man, isn't that CRAZY?  Whoo!  It just keeps getting hotter and hotter here in Fro Manor!  Let's check back in with our favorite Fromiez as they attempt to console their heartbroken roommate!"

*Camera fades out as Bob pretends lasso the camera* 

      "Rich, you've been sitting on that couch for three days!  When are you ever going to get up and move?" Kim demanded.  She stood over him, impatiently tapping her foot with her arms crossed in front of her chest.  The sounds of Morrissey blared out of the speakers as Rich lay on the couch curled up in a little ball, the same position he had been in for the past 72 hours.

      "Sandie loved Morrissey," he said sadly.  "On the plane, when we first met, she accidentally knocked over my CD player and – "

      "Uhh, hello?  I remember, I was there," Kim said with irritation as she plopped down on the couch next to him.  "Rich, seriously.  When are you going to leave this spot?  It's starting to smell funny."

      "Well, it's not like I can even go into my room!  I was kicked out!  Clay moved in with Kelly, Kyle and Kee moved in with you and Jenn, and I'm stuck out here – "

      "Rich, your brother and Aubrey are married, why should they have separate rooms?!"

      "Nobody loves me," Rich moaned.  He buried his face in the couch pillow and sighed heavily.  "I'm all alone and I'll die alone because I'm not hot and nobody will ever love me!"

      "Then why don't you call Sandie?" Kim asked in a gentler tone.  "She still loves you, you know.  I'm totally sure of it.  And plus the way you just left her at Hooters was kind of mean, so the least you could do would be to apologize."

      "I can't call her!"  Rich exclaimed with a horrified expression on his face.  "Did you miss the memo?!  She's _Cammy's daughter!  Cammy!  The one person who hates me with every fiber of his being!  There's no way I could be with her after all that me and Cammy have gone through."_

      "But it doesn't matter!" Kim insisted.  "Who cares about Cammy?  You had a great thing going with Sandie!  You're going to be with _her_, not with her psychotic father.  She's all that should be important to you."

      "She _is_ important to me.  But I just don't think I can overlook the fact that she's Cammy's daughter.  You know how much fighting me and Cammy have done!  And you also know what a…strange person he is.  I just – no, I can't be with Sandie.  It's impossible." 

      "It's not impossible, Rich.  It may sound cheesy, but your love is stronger than that.  It's stronger than Cammy, and that's something that he can't take away from you," Images of cheese filled Kim's mind, and she suddenly realized that she was extremely hungry.  "Mmm…cheese.  I'm going to go make a sandwich.  But I'll be right back!"  Just as she was getting up from the couch, the doorbell rang.  "Don't get up.  I'll get that!"

      Kim scampered to the front door and opened it to find a dejected looking Sandie standing on the front stoop.  Her normally perfectly groomed blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, and her green eyes were downcast.  Kim could see tearstains on her face from where she'd been crying.

      "Hi Sandie," Kim said cautiously.  "Ummm…I suppose you're looking for Rich?"

      "Yes," she replied with a sniffle.  "I just had to return something to him, and then I promise I'll leave him alone forever.  Is he here?"

      "Yeah, uh – hold on.  I'll go get him,"  Kim shut the door and ran back to the living room.  She reached down and pulled Rich up into a sitting position, which he wasn't too happy about.

      "What are you doing?!" he cried angrily.  "Leave me alone!"

      "Sandie's here to see you!"  she hissed in response.  "She's on the front doorstep – don't just leave her there!  Go talk to her!"

      "I don't want to talk to her!"

      "RICH!"  Kim yelled as pinched him on the arm, causing him to cry out in pain.  "Just get off your lazy ass and go talk to her!"

      "Okay, okay!"  Rich reluctantly got up off the couch and shuffled to the front door, where Sandie was waiting.  He opened the door and stood there for a few moments, unsure of what to say.  Besides, he had lost the power of speech anyway.

      "Hi Richard," Sandie said softly as she bent her head down in shame.  "I'm sorry to bother you, but um – I just had to give something to you."

      Rich couldn't answer, but instead felt his heart drop to his shoes when Sandie reached into her pocket and pulled out the tiny box containing the diamond engagement ring.  She held it out to him, her bright green eyes glistening with tears.

      "It fell out of your pocket as you were leaving," she told him.  "I – um, I figured that you might want it back since…" her voice trailed off as she became choked up, and the tears began to fall down her face again.

      As Rich stood there and watched her wipe the tears off of her face, he realized that he had been acting like the biggest idiot to ever walk the face of the earth.  Kim was right, the rest of the Fromiez were right.  For the past three days, they had all been telling him that he needed to get a grip, look past the fact that Sandie's father was Cammy and not let go of a wonderful thing simply because of paternal blood lines.  Sandie was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he'd be a moron to let her go.

      "You know what?  Why don't you hang onto that?" Rich said to her as he opened the box and slipped the diamond onto the ring finger of her left hand.  "I need someone to hold onto it for awhile.  I was going to ask this wonderful girl to marry me, but then I found out that her father was someone I never really got along with.  But then I realized it doesn't matter because I'm in love with _her, not her dad.  I just hope she can forgive me for acting so dumb."_

      Sandie stared down at her hand in shock, then looked back up at Rich with an elated expression on her face.  "I think she can forgive him," she said happily before rushing into his arms.  "Richard!  I have a flight to Hawaii in an hour!  Why don't you come with me?  We can get married on the beach, and it would be so romantic!"

      "Of course, Sandie…whatever you want," Rich replied as he took her hand and led her into the house.  "But I want everyone else to come with us, too.  I want all my Fromiez to be there when we get married."

      They quickly rushed into Fro Manor and began tracking down the Fromiez to inform them about the abrupt change in plans.  The first people they found were Jenn and Kee, who were sitting at the kitchen counter eating sandwiches.

      "This turkey needs some pepper," Jenn said as she reached for the shaker.  "I'm just not as good at making sammiches as you are, Kee."

      "It's an art, you know," he told her matter-of-factly.

      "Guys!  Sandie and I are getting married in Hawaii!  We're leaving in fifteen minutes!  Pass it on!" Rich cried as he grabbed Kee's sandwich off of his plate and then left the kitchen.

      "What the hell?"  Jenn asked in confusion.  "Did he just say he was getting married?"

      "I don't know, but he stole my sammich!" Kee said indignantly.

      Kyle and Kim were sitting in the library having a discussion about books when Rich and Sandie came bursting in.

      "Kyle, I can't _believe_ that you think Kate Chopin's , The Awakening, _isn't_ about a woman's ability to liberate herself through suicide – "

      "Darling, I didn't say that.  All I said was that it seemed a little far-fetched to generalize that this particular mindset was a dominant theme during the time of – "

      "Sandie and I are getting married in Hawaii!  We're leaving in fifteen minutes!"  Rich informed them in a rush before exiting the room.

      "Ummm… okay?"  Kim stared after them in shock for a moment, then turned back to Kyle.  "Anyway, like I was saying…"

      The next stop was the pool, where Kelly and Clayton were involved in a rousing game of water volleyball.

      "Foul!"  Kelly shouted as the ball went flying past her.  "That was out!  You don't get a point for that!"

      "Hey, it's not my fault you're too short to hit the ball," Clayton said teasingly.  "So what's the score now?  Fifteen to a big fat zero?"

      "Actually, it's fifteen to two – "

      "Hey guys, me and Sandie are getting married in Hawaii and you're invited!  We're leaving in fifteen minutes!"  Kelly and Clay barely had any time to process Rich's statement before him and Sandie ran back into the house.

      "Married?  What?  What's going on?"  Kelly cried confusedly.  "No one ever tells me anything around here!"  She splashed the water angrily as the volleyball suddenly soared over the net and landed two feet behind her.  "Clay!  I wasn't ready!"

      Rich hurried to the confessional and opened the door to find Amy and Pat sitting in the dark and involved in a deep conversation.  Amy turned and glared at Rich, obviously not happy about his interruption.

      "Excuse me, but we were _talking_ in here!" she snapped.  "Ever heard of knocking?!"

      "Pat, we need you to marry me and Sandie in Hawaii!" Rich informed him.  "We're leaving in fifteen minutes!"  He quickly shut the door, plunging the confessional into darkness once again.

      "What a weirdo," Amy muttered, rolling her eyes.

      The last two people left to inform were Scott and Aubrey, who were sitting in the living room watching the TV show Degrassi: The Next Generation.

      "Ooooh!  Manny's about to confess her love for Spinner!"  Aubrey cried excitedly.  ((A/N: I have no clue who these people are.  If I got the names wrong, I'm sorry. ))  She leaned forward in anticipation, eagerly watching the screen for action.

      "Aubs, this show sucks," Scott complained.  "Can't we watch something else?"

      "But Scoootyyyyyy…" Aubrey turned her lip down and gave him the puppy dog eyes.  "I loveeee youuuuuuu!"  He stared at her for a moment as she batted her eyelashes and pouted.

      "You really fight dirty, Aubs.  You know I can't resist the – HEY!" Scott shouted as Rich grabbed his arm and pulled him up off of the couch.  "What are you doing, Richard?!"

      "Sandie and I need you to drive everyone to the airport so we can fly to Hawaii and get married," he explained in a rush as he tossed Scott the car keys.

      "Wait….what?!  You're getting married?"  Scott asked in disbelief.  "When did this happen?"

      "Don't ask questions, Scott!  Just drive!"  Rich replied.  "Let's go!"  They all hurried out the door, with Aubrey trailing behind.

"Hey!  Wait a minute!  Does this mean we have to eat Thanksgiving dinner with Cammy?" she asked as she followed everyone out to the Fro Van.

*Cut to the plane, as all the Fromiez are boarding*

"I get the window seat!" Kim shrieked as she climbed over Kelly and Clayton in order to reach her destination of choice.  "Sweeeeeet!"

"Hey, where's Sandie?  I need a sammich," Kee said as he pushed his bag into the overhead compartment.

"Kee, just sit down – we're about to take off," Jenn told him.  She quickly buckled her seat belt and stole a glance at Amy, who was sitting on one side of her and looking rather nervous.  "Aims, are you alright?"

"NO!" Amy shrieked as she tightly shut her eyes.  "I hate airplanes!  I need to get off of this thing!"  She gripped the sides of her armrest, but Pat quickly reached over and took one of her hands in his.

"Relax, Amy," he said soothingly.  "Everything's going to be fine…"

      "May I have your attention please?  This is your captain speaking.  Please make sure that all seats are in the full and upright position as we prepare for take-off.  Thank you."

      Amy kept her eyes closed as the plane suddenly lurched to life and began to cruise down the runaway.  Once it was safely in the air, she relaxed a little bit and let up on her death grip on Pat's hand.

      "Well, I guess we're going to be okay," she said calmly.  "It's just the whole 'taking off' thing that always worries me."

"May I have your attention, please?  This is your captain speaking.  The seat belt sign has been turned off.  You may now – AHHHH!"  the captain's voice was suddenly cut off and everyone heard a loud scuffling sound, followed by a scream and then dead silence.  A few seconds later, another voice rang out over the intercom.

"ATTENTION, ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH HEARTS FULL OF HATE!" 

"Oh no!"  Sandie cried suddenly as she abandoned the drink cart and ran over to the Fromiez.  "It's – "

"This is your CAMMY speaking!" he cried in a sinister voice.  "And I'M flying this plane now!"

"Daddy, STOP!" Sandie screamed to no one in particular.  "I can't believe you!"

"I'm taking over this plane!  And if my IDIOT of a daughter insists on marrying some stupid moron who is in love with a 16-year-old girl, then I'm afraid that I have to step in!  NO ONE WILL MARRY SANDIE!  Especially you, RICHARD!"

"So what are you going to do, daddy?  KILL US ALL?!" Sandie screamed.

"Precisely, my lovely daughter!  If the only way I can prevent you from marrying that perverted little bastard is by flying this plane straight into the ground, then so be it!  YOU WON'T MARRY HIM!  Not as long as I'm alive and have blood running through my veins!"  

All the Fromiez looked at each other in horror as the severity of the situation finally sunk in.  Cammy had control of the plane, and he was going to turn it into some bizarre suicide mission just so Rich couldn't marry Sandie.  They all sat there, speechless, until Amy finally broke the silence.

"OH MY GOD!  WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE – AGAIN!"

What will happen next?  Willy Cammy fly the plane into the ground?  Stay tuned for the season finale of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!


	20. Chapter 19: Author's Note

            Hey guys!  Before I move onto Chapter 20 (aka THE SEASON FINALE of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored), I just wanted to say a few things.

            First off, I have had TONS of fun writing this little story – probably more fun than I should have!  It was just really cool to bring the "characters" to life, even though they are based off of real people.  It was also great the way a bunch of people on the DBS boards joined together and got into the story, which was exactly my intention.  I wanted people to get into the story, the characters and become really passionate about what was happening inside of Fro Manor.  I really appreciate all of the feedback everyone gave me – all of your ideas were awesome!  I'm just happy that people had as much fun reading this story as I had writing it.  I am sorry to see it end, although…maybe it won't have to!  I will be putting a poll on the DBS boards asking for your input as to what you'd like to see next, if anything at all.  This is the first time I have ever done anything like this, so I was pleased to see it turn out so well.  I just hope that, if there is indeed a sequel, it can be just as good as the original!  That's all I have for now!  Keep kicking ass, guys!  I love you all!

--Kim (aka mrsdorothyzbornak aka MusicGoddess aka Miranda Sanchez/Ethan Craft/Veruca Albano)


	21. Chapter 20: The Showdown! Toot toot, be...

Whooo, Chapter 20!  THIS IS IT, GUYS!  The moment you've all been waiting for…except, not.  Because that means it's over!  Noooooooo!  Make sure to read Chapter 19, which is an author's note!  I will have a poll up on DBS very soon!  

It's 7:00!  Time for another installment of…Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!

* R Kelly's Ignition Remix begins to play as images and sound bites from previous episodes flash across the screen, including:*

"Lalaine's pretty.  I like Lalaine."

"This isn't Burger King!  You can't have it your way!"

"Stop using my vibrating bed!  I'm serious!"

"Uhhh…I think this is it.  No wait, this is a list of Lalaine's favorite vegetables."

"Boo frickedy hoo and cry me a fricken river!"

"OH MY GOD!  WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Hi, I'm Adam Lamberg."

"Will you be my Married by America – will you marry me?"

"Where's that Richard kid?!"

"You are SUCH a dweeb!"

"Sometimes it makes sense to do things that…don't make sense."

"How can I help you today, Amy?"

"The chocolate cake…it's tainted with…tranquilizer drugs!"

"DAN!  You let the dogs out??!"

"Freaky Deaky Streaky Creepy!  Won't you come out and play?"

"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!  I'm going to bed!"

"You were so wonderful as Steve on Full House!"

"HUZZAH!"

* The opening ends and the camera fades in to reveal the host*

"Hi, I'm Bob Saget.  Welcome to the last episode of Digital Bean Smoothie: Uncut and Uncensored!  It's hard to believe that three months went by so quickly because so much has happened here in Fro Manor!  We've seen drama, betrayal, heartbreak, a lot of shagging, and a lot of tears, laughter and most importantly – the birth of true love!  Awwww!  I think every single one of our viewers deserves a hug because you've all been so supportive and awesome throughout our run!  Thanks so much for all of your calls, questions and suggestions!  We couldn't have done it without you!  Last week we left our Fromiez on the brink of death as Cammy took over the plane that would take Rich, Sandie and the rest of the crew to Hawaii for a wedding!  However, it looks like they're all gonna die, so let's check back in with them as they attempt to thwart death!  I hope they make it!  I LOVE YOU GUYS!  Especially you, Lane.  Uhhh – call me?"

*Camera fades out as Bob dabs at his eyes with a tissue* 

      "This Sierra Mist is delicious!"

      "Scott!  How can you rave about Sierra Mist when we're all going to become splattered on the ground like a bug on a windshield!  Whoaaaa!"  Kim gripped the armrests of her seat as the plane took a sudden nosedive.  She felt her stomach jump into her throat as Cammy's voice rang out over the intercom once again.

      "Just give up, Fromiez!  Accept the fact that you ALL have hearts full of hate and you're a bunch of whiny, snot-nosed college kids who get pissed off when people refuse to kiss your ass!  WELL, GUESS WHAT!  I _refuse_ to kiss your ass or laugh at your LAME JOKES!  I don't find your sense of humor funny AT ALL, and if the only way I can escape your incredible stupidity is by killing us all, THEN SO BE IT!"

      "Okay, that guy needs anger management," Kelly said simply as she leaned back in her seat and began flipping through a magazine.

      "Daddy, you are such a JERK!" Sandie screamed to her father, who just laughed coldly in response.  She managed to stomp over to Pat, who was trying to comfort a distraught Amy, and pulled on his arm.  "Richard and I are getting married NOW!  On this plane!  I don't care what my father says!  I'm marrying Richard if it's the last thing I do!"

      "And it probably will be," Kim put in, but was elbowed in the side by Jenn.  "I mean…congratulations, you guys!"

      "Okay, I'll be right there!" Pat told Sandie.  He reluctantly let go of Amy and began climbing over the rest of the Fromiez in order to reach the end of the aisle.  However, it was a somewhat difficult task, as the plane was experiencing extremely rough turbulence as it rapidly plunged towards the ground.

      "OW!  That was my foot!"  Scott yelped.  "Watch where you're going!"

      "Sorry, sorry," Pat mumbled as he stepped on a million feet on his way to the aisle, where Rich and Sandie were waiting for him.  "Alright, let me just – where did I put that marriage certificate…" He began patting down the pockets of his ordained minister's uniform.  "Ah yes!  Here it is!  We need two witnesses to sign this!  Scott, Aubrey…if you please?"

      "Jesus Hoofum Christ!" Aubrey shrieked.  "Are you insane?!  I'm not getting up!  Hell, I _can't_ get up!"

      "Just sign the fricking form, gal darn it!" Rich yelled.  He tried not to notice the drink cart come sliding forward, where it crashed into the door of the cockpit.  The lights in the cabin flickered on and off as the plane gained even more speed in it's descent.  It was like a scene from a horrible movie except – they weren't really in a movie.

      "Fine, alright!" Aubrey grumbled as her and Scott attempted to crawl out of the aisle.  Suddenly, a tremendous jolt rocked the plane, and they both fell backwards onto the laps of some very dissatisfied Fromiez.

      "Scott, get your butt out of my face!" Kim cried in frustration.

      "Yeah, and Aubs, the same goes for you!"  Jenn chimed as she tried to help steady Aubrey on her feet.

      "Will you guys hurry up?" Rich said impatiently. 

      "Shut up, Richard!"  Scott snapped at his brother.  They finally made it to the end of the aisle and managed to stand upright by holding onto the edge of the seats.  "Okay – pass the marriage certificate over here!"

      "Who has a pen?"  Pat hurriedly asked the rest of the Fromiez.

      "I do!" Kee offered.  He reached into his pocket and tossed the pen to Pat, but it just flew forward and landed on the floor, where it rolled forward underneath someone else's seat.  "Ummmm….okay, well, I _did have a pen."_

      "Looking for this?" a blonde, familiar looking man asked as he grinned and held up the pen.  

      "Oh my GOSH, it's Nick Carter!"  Kelly cried excitedly, covering her mouth with her hands.

      "Yes, that's me – "

      "Hi, and I'm Kevin Richardson!"

      "I'm Howie Dorough!"

      "I'm Brian Littrell!"

      "And I'm A.J. McLean!"  

      "And we're the Backstreet Boys!" they all said together.

      "Wow…" Kelly whispered in awe, although the rest of the Fromiez didn't really seem to give a crap.  "So Nick, did your brother Aaron get it on with Hilary Duff?"

      "My brother?  Please!  He couldn't close the deal," Nick replied with a smirk.  "I'm the _real ladies man in this family!  Plus, her mom was kind of…you know…scary."_

      "Oh, believe me – we know," Kelly said, rolling her eyes.

      "Anyway, we've been watching you guys on TV," Kevin told them.  "And we think you all are AWESOME!  So we were thinking – maybe you'd like some music for your little wedding here?"

      "Not really – " Rich started.

      "Well, actually, we could use some publicity for our band since our album sales have been kind of…bad," A.J. said sheepishly.  "We'll only do one song, we promise!  We think this one fits your situation really well!"

      "Umm – "

      "Great!  Let's go, guys!  A one, a two, a three – "

_Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine_

_I'm leavin' my life in your hands_

_People say I'm crazy and that I am blind_

_Risking it all in a glance_

_And how you got me blind is still a mystery_

_I can't get you out of my head_

_Don't care what is written in your history_

_As long as you're here with me_

_               "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today – " _

               "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!" Amy shrieked as the shaking of the plane began to intensify, and everyone in the cabin screamed loudly.  She quickly gripped onto Jenn's arm and held on for dear life.

_I don't care who you are_

_Where you're from_

_What you did_

_As long as you love me_

_Who you are_

_Where you're from_

_Don't care what you did_

_As long as you love me_

_               "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two very special people, Richard and Sandie – "_

               "DON'T TOUCH HER, YOU PERVERTED LITTLE BASTARD!"  Cammy screamed over the intercom.  "I repeat, DON'T TOUCH HER!"

               In a direct violation of Cammy's orders, Rich reached out and grabbed a hold of Sandie's hand, entwining his fingers through hers.  "You can keep going, Pat," he said in the calmest voice that he could possibly muster.

               "Ummm…alrighty.  There are few things in life as important as two people pledging their love before their family, their friends – "  Pat continued in a rush as he felt the sweat begin to bead on his forehead.  The plane was spiraling towards the ground at an extremely rapid rate, and he wasn't sure if he could continue this ceremony without fainting.

_Every little thing that you have said and done_

_Feels like it's deep within me_

_Doesn't really matter if you're on the run_

_It seems like we're meant to be_

_               "As Sandie becomes a wife and Richard, a husband - together they will become a family. The love their families have shared with them they will now share with each other – "_

               "SCREW YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"  Cammy shouted.  "You're a special case and I ABHOR YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!  Take your heart full of hate and LEAVE MY DAUGHTER ALONE!"

_I don't care who you are (who you are)_

_Where you're from (where you're from)_

_What you did_

_As long as you love me (I don't know)_

_Who you are (who you are)_

_Where you're from (where you're from)_

_Don't care what you did_

_As long as you love me (yeah)_

_               "Their brothers, sisters, their parents have come here not only to witness a marriage but to celebrate your connection to each other. The commitment made between these two people affects all of you, so before this man and woman enter into the everlasting covenant of marriage, they ask each of you for your support – "   Pat paused and pulled on the collar of his shirt, letting the cool air in.  _

               "I can't believe we're going to die because of Cammy!"  Aubrey wailed.  "We haven't even been married for a month yet!  We'll never have a first anniversary, or a silver anniversary or a golden anniversary!  No one will buy us toasters or china!"

               "Yeah, I know!  My brother finally gets a girlfriend, and he picks Cammy's daughter, of all people!  Way to go, Rich!"  Scott said sarcastically.

               "DON'T GO AWAY MAD, RICHARD!  JUST GO AWAY!  ALL OF YOU – _JUST GO AWAY!"_

_I've tried to hide it so that no one knows_

_But I guess it shows_

_When you look into my eyes_

_What you did and where you're comin' from_

_I don't care, as long as you love me, baby_

_               "If there is anyone who objects to this union, let them speak now or forever hold their peace…" Pat said, knowing full well that there would be plenty of objections._

               "I OBJECT, DAMNIT!"  Cammy screamed viciously.  "SANDIE, YOU'RE A MORON IF YOU MARRY THIS LYING BASTARD!"

               "Just ignore him," Sandie said with gritted teeth as she tightened her grasp on Rich's hand.

               "Sandie, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  Pat asked while wiping his brow off with his sleeve.

               "I do," Sandie turned to Rich and stared up at him with an adoring gaze.  "Richard, my darling, our love has been like the ocean below us. It has been both stormy and serene. But we have survived the changing tides and returned to each other at last. Today, I pledge to you my adoration under dark skies and clear. And like the sea, I will embrace you, sustain you and inspire you for as long as we both shall live."

               "Oh, gag me with a SPOON!" Kim shouted as she reached for the barf bag on the seat in front of her.  "That is the cheesiest piece of crap – "  she was interrupted by Jenn elbowing her in the side again.  "I mean…that was beautiful, Sandie."

               "How come you didn't say that to me, Aubs?" Scott asked, trying not to laugh.

               "Shhyeah right!"  Aubrey replied as she rolled her eyes.

               "Richard, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"  Pat asked hurriedly.

               "Uhh….yes."

               "Then by the power vested in me, by the state of Fro and all things related to Lizzie McGuire, Digital Bean Smoothie and TV Tome, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may kiss the bride."

               Rich leaned down and kissed his blushing bride while the Backstreet Boys finished out the last chorus of "As long as you love me" and the rest of the Fromiez cheered loudly.

               "I don't have a bouquet, but I have this package of peanuts!"  Sandie cried as she fished into her pocket.  She tossed the package into the air and it somehow managed to land on Kim's tray despite all the rocking and shaking of the plane.

               "Hey, I got the peanuts!  I got the peanuts!" she shrieked delightedly.

_I don't care who you are (who you are)_

_Where you're from (where you're from)_

_What you did_

_As long as you love me (as long as you love me)_

_Who you are (who you are)_

_Where you're from (where you're from)_

_Don't care what you did (yeah)_

_As long as you love me_

_               "Oh, that's sooooo beautiful!" Cammy growled, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  "I JUST HOPE ALL OF YOU HATERS ARE READY TO DIE NOW!"_

               "That's it!" Sandie yelled, clenching her fists into and narrowing her eyes in Cammy's direction.  "I never thought my father would stoop this low, but I can't take this!  I have to stop him – "

               "No, Sandie – _I have to stop him!" Rich said bravely.  "It's time we put this stupid feud behind us!"  Rich marched up to the cockpit, pushed the drink cart aside and opened the door.  He felt the adrenaline pumping as he watched the large man resembling Martin Sheen mess with the controls of the plane.  When Cammy saw him enter the room, he turned and growled menacingly._

               "Oh, so you think you're so tough, do you?  Coming in here and trying to act like the hero!  Well, I'VE got control of this plane, Richard!  And THIS PLANE IS GOING DOWN, BABY!"

               "Do you really want to do this?!" Rich asked.  He could see the ground get closer and closer as the nose of the plane pointed downwards, and he knew in a matter of minutes that they would all be as good as dead.  "You really want to murder your own daughter and all of these innocent people just because you don't like me?"

               "It's not that I don't like you - it's that I HATE YOU!  You're just like all the others, Richard!  You're a snot-nosed little brat, a stupid college kid who thinks they have it all figured out!  Well, guess what!  YOU DON'T!"

               "I never said I had it all figured out!"  Rich insisted.  "All I know is that I'm in love with your daughter, and I married her!  Is that so hard to understand?!"

               "You love Sandie!?  Please!"  Cammy scoffed.  "Oh, what a perfect couple you make!  You're desperately obsessed with a 16-year-old girl and she's a wishy-washy little flight attendant whore!  Yeah, I guess I can see why you think you love her!"

               "You're a rotten father!"  Rich cried, forgetting about the mission at hand – trying to calmly talk Cammy down.  "How can you say things like that?  All Sandie ever wanted was for you to show her some affection instead of spending all your time editing children's shows on the internet and watching people engage in mindless, horny sex on TV!"

               "You don't know anything!"  Cammy snarled.  "Sandie and her sister, Mandie, were completely out of control!  I was a single dad!  What the hell was I supposed to do?  Those little girls drove me CRAZY!"

               "Maybe you could have tried paying more attention to them!"

               "Don't tell me how I should have raised my daughters, you little prick!"  Cammy cried angrily, however, Rich could see that he was weakening.  "Just because you spent two years on the Hilary Tome, I mean the TV Tome boards, terrorizing me and all the other people who love Hilary Duff doesn't mean you can come in here and be an expert on my family!"

               "I never said I was an expert!  But I married Sandie, and there's nothing you can do about it!  Aren't you glad that she finally settled down with someone?  Didn't you want that for her?"

               "Yes, but not with YOU!"  Cammy quickly wiped at the corners of his eyes with his thick fingers.  "My little girl is married…I just can't believe that…"

               "Listen, Dad – "

               "DON'T CALL ME DAD!"  Cammy gritted his teeth and shook his head wildly, as if trying to block out the fact that Rich was his son-in-law.

               "I promise that I'll give Sandie the life that you always wanted for her," Rich said in a calmer tone.  "Why can't we just forget about everything that happened?"

               "Because I don't forget about people with hearts full of hate!"  Cammy growled stubbornly.  "But Sandie is my daughter…"

               "Just land the plane, Cammy!"  Rich said pleadingly.  "Don't do this!  I know you don't want to anyway.  You don't want to end everyone's life – because your daughter is worth saving!"

               "Oh god…"  Cammy looked down at the controls as if he was seeing them for the first time.  "What have I done?   Oh no…what have I done?"  He quickly jumped up and pushed Rich aside as ran out of the cockpit.  "Sandie!  I'm sorry!  I love you!"

               "Daddy?"  Sandie asked confusedly when she saw her father running towards her.  He grabbed his daughter and wrapped his massive arms around her, nearly suffocating her to death.

               "I'm sorry, Sandie!  I'm sorry!"  Cammy was sobbing like a baby by now, and huge sobs racked his body.  "I didn't mean to do this!"

               "Uhhh, attention…everyone," Rich said over the intercom.  "So…does anyone out there know how to land a plane?"

               "I do!"  A tall, gangly, goofy-looking fellow jumped up from one of the seats and grinned wildly.  

               "Bill Nye??"  All the Fromiez said together.  "You really know how to land a plane?"  Amy asked in awe.

               "Why, sure I do!  It's all a matter of physics you know, and the concept of probability!  There are also things to consider like geometric angles and – "

               "Just land the plane!"  Jenn interrupted.  "And hurry up!"

               Bill Nye hopped up to the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's seat.  He furrowed his brow and began punching a whole bunch of buttons, then slowly guided the plane back to an upright position.  Once they were safely in the air again, everyone in the cabin cheered and clapped.

               "Hawaii is actually only a few miles away!" Bill said happily.  "We can make an emergency landing there!  Everyone, please take your seats and make sure your seatbelts are fasted as we prepare for landing!"

               "Wow, that was a close call, wasn't it dad?"  Rich asked with a smile.

               "Hey!   What did I say about that "dad" thing?"  Cammy grumbled while he attempted to wedge himself into an airplane seat.

               "Oh um, sorry….father-in-law?"

               "You little piece of – 

               "Fabulous, I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving already," Scott said sarcastically as he hit himself in the head with a pillow.

               *Cut to a shot of the Fromiez walking off the plane in slow motion.  They all walk out onto the beach, talking and laughing.  The last shot is of them all in a line, arms around each other as they walk into the sunset and the camera slowly fades to black*

               Epilogue:

               *Cut to a shot of each Fromie talking and giving their impression of their stay in Fro Manor while the Ignition: Remix plays*

_Now, usually I don't do this but uh... _

_Go ahead on and break em' off wit a lil preview of the remix_

Scott:  "Well, I wasn't really all that excited about coming to Fro Manor because I don't watch Lizzie McGuire, but something told me to come anyway.  I'm really glad I did because I got to meet Aubrey, and also the rest of the Fromiez.  Overall, it's been a really positive experience, except for when we almost died on the plane.  Darn that Cammy!"

_Now I'm  not tryin' to be rude,   
But hey pretty girl I'm feelin' you  
The way you do the things you do  
Reminds me of my Lexus coup  
That's why I'm all up in yo' grill  
Tryin' to get you to a hotel  
You must be a football coach  
The way you got me playin' the field_

Rich: "I had to live in a room with Hilary Duff pictures for three months!  That's enough to drive anyone to insanity!  Well, maybe just me.  But I still had a good time in Fro Manor, except when everyone was picking on me!  You guys are mean!  I'm always the comic relief and it's not fair!"

_So baby gimme that toot toot   
And let me give you that beep beep  
Runnin' her hands through my **'fro**  
Bouncin' on 24's   
While they say on the radio..._

Jenn:  "Fro Manor was awesome!  I really learned a lot about myself and also a lot of valuable lessons, like never, ever take a room with a vibrating bed!  It just is way too much hassle.  Also, never trust people from the show Full House.  They'll just let you down!"

_This is the remix to ignition  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
Mama rollin' that body  
Got every man in here wishin'  
Sippin' on coke and rum  
I'm like, so what I'm drunk  
It's the freakin' weekend baby   
I'm  about to have me some fun_

Kim: "Yeah, so, Fro Manor was pretty cool.  I mean, I got to make out with Kyle Downes and we're together now, so that deserves a hummina hummina, wouldn't you say?"

_(Let me see you) Bounce  
Bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce  
Bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce_

Kee:  "SHABOINGBOING, BAY-BEE!  That is what I would say about my experience in Fro Manor!  I'm glad that Scott Weiner dude played Jenn like a CD, 'cause then that opened the door for me, ya know what I'm sayin'?  Sometimes it's hard to get chicks to notice you when you weren't on a cheesy 1980's TV show."

_(Now let me see you) Bounce  
Bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce  
Bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce-bounce_

Kelly: "The whole deal with Adam was somewhat embarrassing, but I guess it worked out for the better because Clay is soooo much more of a man than him anyway!  I'm glad I went to that Halloween party as a Christmas elf – it was truly love at first sight!"

_Now it's like murder she wrote   
Once I get you out them clothes  
Privacy is on the door  
Still they can hear you screamin' more  
Girl, I'm feelin' what you feelin'   
No more hopin' and wishin'  
I'm ' bout to take my key and  
Stick it in the ignition_

Aubrey: "HUZZAH!  Fro Manor truly does rock my socks – all of them!  I had such a great time.  Well…except for when I got kidnapped, we got sucked into an alternate dimension and when I was drugged at my own wedding, but hey, it was still an incredibly shexshy experience!  I ove you, Scooty!  Adam is a playa!"

_So gimme that toot toot   
And lemme give you that beep beep  
Runnin' her hands through my **'fro**  
Bouncin' on 24's   
While they say on the radio..._

Amy: "I didn't start out as a Fromie, but I ended up as one, so it was cool that they all took me into their house and made me one of their own.  I had a kick-ass time!  And speaking of kicking, I'm glad I got to do it to Ben Stiller!  He really IS a jerk!  What did I ever see in him anyway?  I much prefer the sweet, innocent men…really innocent.  As in – a  man of the cloth, if you know what I'm saying.  Oh, never mind!"

_This is the remix to ignition  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
Mama rollin' that body  
Got every man in here wishin'  
Sippin' on coke and rum  
I'm like, so what I'm drunk  
It's  the freakin' weekend baby   
I'm about to have me some fun_

Pat: "I am officially going to hell."

Sandie:  "I'm sorry that my father is such a jerk!  No hard feelings, right?"

Cammy:  "Grrrr…my son-in-law is an idiot…."

_Crystall poppin' in the stretch navigator  
We got food every where   
As if the party was catered  
We got fellas to my left  
Hunnies on my right  
We bring 'em both together and we got drinkin' all night  
Then after the show it's the (after party)  
And after the party its the (hotel lobby)  
And round about 4 you gotta (clear the lobby)  
Then head take it to the room and freak somebody_

Kyle: "You'd think I would be pissed off about the fact that I was kidnapped, but I'm actually glad that it happened.  Someone needed to save me from the monotony of Canada!  I didn't have quite as good as a time there as Adam!"

_Can I get a toot toot?   
Can I get a beep beep?  
Runnin' her hands through my **'fro**  
Bouncin' on 24's   
While they say on the radio..._

Clay: "Yeah, so a lock of my hair was stolen.  But that's a small price to pay for getting to hang out with all these cool people!  Wait a minute…a lock of my _hair was __stolen…that SUCKS!  Kelly, can I talk to you about later?  I'm pissed off now!"_

_This is the remix to ignition  
Hot and fresh out the kitchen  
Mama rollin' that body  
Got every man in here wishin'  
Sippin' on coke and rum  
I'm like, so what I'm drunk  
It's the freakin' weekend baby   
I'm about to have me some fun_

Ashley:  "The Fromiez are really sweet people and I was glad to be able to hang out in Fro Manor and paint portraits on their ceilings.  I'm also happy that Adam finally stopped being such a playa.  I suppose everything happens for a reason, so I guess it all turned out okay in the end!  But Adam, if you ever play me, I'll kill you."

_Girl, we off in this jeep  
Foggin' windows up  
Blastin' the radio  
In the back of my truck  
Bouncin' up and down  
Stroke it round and round  
To the remix  
We just thuggin' it out..._

Adam:  "Well, as the original designer of Fro Manor and executive producer of the TV show, DBS: U&U, I just wanted to say that I'm so thrilled with the way everything turned out.  Yeah, so I did a little….hmm…pimping at the beginning of the show, but I definitely learned my lesson!  I never thought that I would be the one learning anything on this show, or walking away with something valuable, but it just so happens that I did.  Thanks, guys."

*Cut to a shot of all the Fromiez in a Brady Bunch shot, with just their heads seen inside the boxes, while Bob is in the middle*

Everyone: "When you're lost out there and you're all alone, life is waiting to carry you home…everywhere you look!"

*All the Fromiez salute as Bob gives a thumbs up sign.  Camera fades out as the ending music to Full House plays.*


End file.
